This is gonna be kinda long but I just really need some advice and an outlet to vent. I'm a junior in highschool this upcoming fall. I live in a mostly African-American(I am too),southern community. I've been suspicious of my sexual orientation for a while. But I'm 100% sure I'm gay. When I see girls I might think oh she's cute but that's it. But with guys it's different. I have "other" thoughts. I'm really depressed about accepting my homosexuality for many reasons. My family expects so much out of me like going to this big university on a full scholarship etc... But I'm scared to come out to them because 1. They have expressed homophobic views, and 2. I don't want them to hate me/view me as a disappointment. The gay lifestyle itself seems so difficult. We receive so much hate and neglect. I just always sit back and think how easy it is to be straight, but I'm aware that I was born this way and I can't change it. I'm just really tired of living a lie basically having to feign attraction to girls and everything. I don't think I'll be coming out anytime soon but I don't know if there will ever be a good enough time to do it.
The safe course of action is to only come out to your parents when you are financially independent. Life will definitely get better for you after high school. What do you expect to change when you come out?
I feel that people will see me as less of a man or maybe even gross because of STD history in the gay community. I'm not too concerned with coming out anytime soon but I'm more focused on accepting myself first.
If you are able to go to college on a scholarship, no one should be disappointed in you. If you are able to go to college w/o a scholarship and just due to working hard and making it happen, no one should be disappointed in you. If you are an honest, hardworking, kind person who displays integrity in all he does, no one should be disappointed in you. If people choose to be disappointed in you because of who you are attracted to or who you love, they are the ones with a problem, not you. Life (gay or straight) is what you make of it. It can be hard sometimes. It can also be full of joy and laughter and accomplishment. You may have some people who don't accept you as you are. You will have a surprising number who do accept you or just don't care. There is no set of rules when it comes to being gay. Be yourself and live your life in a way that makes you happy and comfortable. Someone somewhere will find you attractive as you are. Being comfortable in your own skin is one of the sexiest things you can be. STDs are a major concern of both the gay and straight world. Learn how safe sex works, practice it without fail, and insist that anyone who wants to do anything with you practice it as well. On a more general note, feel free to talk to folks here on EC as much as you like. You might also look into any LGBT support groups or community centers in your area that could provide support and a group of people who can relate to what you are going thru. Hope this helps, Todd
That's great advice Todd! Those are really good points, I will remember those as well for my own situation! And I know exactly where you're coming from Panther. Accepting yourself should probably be the first thing you worry about. I knew I was gay early on, but didn't accept it until recently. Acceptance has definitely been one of the hardest parts, especially when you're worried family may treat you different and make life hard. I am also African American, or at least mixed, but I live in an African American household, where my parents want my brothers and I to basically represent the whole African American community in a place where very few minorities live. And of course, having girls has always been something my dad tries to push! In the end, you'll be able to come out to your family when the time is right, maybe tomorrow, maybe 20 years. Again, it's your decision, so just take some time to figure yourself out!
Thanks for the great advice AKTodd. And it's good to know that someone(800xcrunner) is/had an experience similar to mine to offer some advice and insight. I always hear that being gay is one struggle and being black is another. Just imagine being both.
