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Coming out really necessary

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Eomer, Jul 8, 2013.

  1. Eomer

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Okay so my interest in guys is purely sexual. Lately I just feel like I don't need to tell everyone. I have told a few people that I am bisexual, mostly my female friends. They have all been supportive and cool with it. One of them in particular actually enjoys getting the juicy details of hookups.

    As for family and other people, I just don't see the need to tell them. I wouldn't discuss my hetero sex life with my family so why would I bring this up? It's not like I plan on bringing guys home to meet them. In my view, the only person who would truly deserve to know at this point would be potential girlfriends. I don't want to be one of those guys who ends up married and still hasn't been completely honest with their spouse.

    So what do you think? Let the brutal honesty commence!
     
  2. Zoe

    Zoe
    Full Member

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    Hi Eomer,

    I'm sure other people will weigh in on this issue. I haven't been out long, so I'll offer what I can.

    It seems to me that if you're happy the way things are, then it's fine. Only you can decide who needs to know and who doesn't.

    --Zoe
     
  3. bagginses

    bagginses Guest

    Well you don't want to be one of those guys who marries a girl and finds out that he actually wants a relationship with a guy after 20+ years of marriage.....horrible as it sounds, it happens pretty often.

    But if you really have you goals set towards having the ideal normal life, then if I was you I wouldn't really need to tell my parents, friends, and other siblings.
     
  4. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    The feeling you are describing is pretty common to people who are coming to terms with their sexual orientation. And at their root, the feelings are based in shame.

    Here's the problem: Shame, at a very deep level, makes us feel like we aren't good enough, are different in a bad way, aren't worthy of love and belonging.

    When you hide a fundamental part of who you are from others, it means you're, at some level, ashamed of it. You can try and frame it as "I wouldn't talk about my hetero relationships", but that's bullshit... people always talk about who they're dating, what's going on with their relationships, who they like. So when you aren't doing that, you're hiding a part of who you are... because it's shameful to you.

    And the shame starts to affect your self-esteem, because, again... you feel like if you tell them this secret that somehow you won't be worthy of love, and you won't "belong" to the "heterosexual" group... but you'll try to fit in anyway, which just makes the shame worse.

    You don't have to come out today, or next week, or next year... but if you want to be happy and have a good sense of self in the long term, you'll need to be open and authentic about who you are :slight_smile:
     
  5. Jupitrsa

    Jupitrsa Guest

    Hi Eomer.

    All I would add is: your attraction to men may be purely sexual, until you meet that one special guy. Trust me, it can happen. I never saw it coming. And I've been married for 13 years and have never cheated on my wife. Now I feel torn.

    Good luck buddy. Each of us builds our own road.
     
  6. Eomer

    Regular Member

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    Bisexual
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    A few people
    I'm not ashamed at all. If I really wanted to I'd just sing it out to the high heavens. I have social anxiety as it is so I really don't have a ton of friends or people to judge me.

    Either there was misinterpretation or we have fundamental differences on what relationships are. I don't consider one night stands a relationship. Like I said I'm not emotionally attracted to guys. Do the deed and part ways. It's one thing to talk about who you are dating but I highly doubt people are talking to their parents about how they just got laid the other night regardless of orientation.

    I doubt I'll ever be truly happy or have great self-esteem even if I were to tell the world. I tend to be a pessimist and expect the worst at all times.