Here's the story -- I met a guy 2 years ago, to whom I was immediately attracted. He was friendly, good looking and we a had a lot in common. I told him I was gay shortly after we met, and he had no problem with it. We continued being pretty good friends for a long time, and I eventually developed feelings for him. He told me he was straight. Eventually, my feelings developed enough for me to want to call it quits on the friendship, because I just couldn't handle being around him. I told him this. His response was something along the lines of "Well, how are you interested? Sexually, or emotionally? Because I'm kind of curious sexually, but I'm not gay so I can't do anything about the feelings part." I said both -- I wanted to be involved with him sexually and on a relationship level. He replied that if we could keep it a secret, he would try things with me sexually. I agreed to keeping it a secret. We fooled around in bed for about a 2.5 to 3 month period, seeing each other in bed just about every week. We would also do the normal hangouts with other people around, and I befriended his family and friends as well. I didn't ask many questions, and if I did, I didn't get very many answers. I started to feel confused about the entire thing because he would say "I'm straight" but then he'd be asking if he could come over for the night for inevitable sex. I tried talking to him about it more, but he would always change the subject and on occasion, tell me that it doesn't matter. When I told him that I loved him, his response was "You can still love me and be really good friends." The sex turned up a notch sometimes to what I'd call 'intimate.' I became attached. Then, one day shortly after this 3 month period, I get news that he got drunk at a party, slept with a girl, and that they were now seeing each other. I chose not to talk to him about it first, but instead went to the girl and told her that he'd probably use her for sex and that she should watch out, based on the things that happened between him and I. He confronted me about that, and argued that instead, I should have lied about him sleeping with me in such a way to "take one for the team," in a "brotherly" way so that he wouldn't appear gay to her. Every once in a while in my conversations with the girl (I knew her before) she would ask about the things we did together, but instead of telling her, I suggested she ask him..and every time she asks him, I get him on the turnaround, saying harsh things. At this point, I started asking him those same questions I tried asking him while we were still sleeping together, and the only thing I got from him was "I'm not ready for that to be out there." I asked him if he ever had feelings for me. His first response was "I don't know." A later response was "Yes, but it wasn't enough," and in his own defense "I haven't been able to pass a drug test [for the past 6 years.]" -- I guess to say that his judgment was clouded? After a recent conversation, his last words to me were "I'm cutting off all communication from you indefinitely." Should I continue to try and make amends, and if so, how? Or, should I forget about him like he wants me to? How would you label his sexuality? Am I foolish for thinking there was something there, despite him claiming otherwise? What do you think I should be taking away from this?
He probably feels that his trust was betrayed when went to the girl and revealed something he felt was confidential. I think you need to let this one just slip away. There is no real way to get into his head to understand what he was thinking or feeling, and I do not think it is productive to even try to do that. Whatever may have been there, if anything, sounds like it is gone.
A LESSON! ok no offence, but not because someone sleeps or have sex wiht you means they are intrested in you. one thing u were right about, and that's him using you. he soo used you, and not lightly ether. he had doubts about his sexuality...lets give him the benifit of the doubt. but having sex with you almost every week for over 3 months. he must have enjoyed it or wanted more.(way to go Noleaf!:eusa_clap :eusa_clap ) fact is, maybe he was being hoenst when he said he STILL wasn;t sure of his sexuality when u asked him while he was dating the girl. but singing "ohh i'm straight" like a chruch hymn; bullshit:dry: chances are, he is going to do it to a next guy, and maybe that guy will take action and fuck him up. It's quite obvious he is bisexual and he can't face the fact that he's here, he's half queer. :rolleyes: so ur FTW, i recommend u give him what he wants. to be alone. leave it alone and make that slide. U deserve more and i don't know what it feels like to have a crush on soemone and that person outright decideds to have sex with u but soo many times....i would feel violated, vulnorable and confused after awhile. which in ur case is what started happening. cuz it felt more like a habbit than just someone wanting to find out who they are..... well. as i said. leave it alone. move on. chances are he is gonna do the same shit to someone else and they are gonna fuck him up. sooo cheer up.(*hug*)
I agree with most of what you're saying. Right now I'm trying to make sense of what happened, because I feel like I had no closure when he suddenly had a girlfriend and wanted nothing more to do with me. Even though there was no spoken agreement that we were "together," I really can't help but feel that we were, considering the things we did and his enthusiasm for it at times. What sticks with me the most is that he did feel something for me. What bothers me is whether or not those feelings just went away, or if he chose to disregard them. If he didn't have feelings for me, then it would be much easier to write this off as something gone terribly wrong and forget about it. You're right that whatever was there, if anything, is now gone. It has been 2 months since he stopped talking to me, so I've had time to reflect. I figured asking EC about it might shed a different light on it. Thanks for responding :icon_bigg
No offense taken, I think that's something I've learned from him alone, because he was the first person I'd ever been with sexually. All of my ideas about what sex was "supposed" to be were pretty much smashed lol - for the better - it's not as serious a thing for me as it was. Bullshit indeed. I may have scared him away from men for the time being. I told him once to stop running, that it wasn't good, and he replied "It's just the easiest way to deal with the shame besides killing you," which was pretty off the wall for him, but let me know that even if he did have valid feelings for me, he didn't want anything to do with me anyway. Sad.
