Right, I thought it was about time I talked about this, because it's been bothering me for months on end, and I've realised that I honestly don't know what to do about it. This may be a very long post, sorry if it is. Basically, I had a boyfriend, very briefly last summer. He lives in the UK, and is two years older than me. We met at this party that a mutual friend of ours was throwing (we already knew each other a bit over MSN). Nothing happened at the party, but we started talking on MSN a whole lot more after that, and eventually he told me that he'd fallen for me. I realised that I felt the same way, so, lo and behold, Hln D had a boyfriend all of her own :3 Now, this lasted for a total of 18 days, while I was in the UK for my summer holidays. We were planning on meeting up, which was a little difficult because my mum wasn't all too keen on the idea, but we had made a plan. Then I went off to Scotland for two weeks, and we would've met up after I got back. While I was in Scotland, he called me to tell me that he didn't think he 'doubted our viablity as a couple', to quote the man himself. I wasn't myself during that time, so I just accepted what he said to be true, even though inside I wanted to beg him to not leave me, because I'd developed so much affection and dare I say it, love for him. The reasons he gave me were the age gap, and the distance. He said that it would be too much of a strain for both of us, because we'd be missing each other so much, and even if we were closer to each other, we'd still be taking it slow because of the age gap. I thought those were valid reasons, to be honest, so I accepted, with a heavy heart. Afterwards, I met up with the mutual friend I mentioned earlier, and he started to tell me a bit more about this guy. Apparently he falls for pretty much every girl he meets, and was very sexually frustrated because he hadn't had as much experience as his friends. Anyway, ever since then, I haven't been able to forget him. No matter how many times I get told by our mutual friends that the only reason he wanted me was because he thought I was pretty, and that he had a chance with me. Turns out all he wanted was someone who would sleep with him. Even though I know this, I just can't shake off how happy I was last summer, when I knew that he was mine, and I was his. He's had a couple of girlfriends since me, who were apparently a bit messed up, and desperate. One of them even had the same name as me, and the one he had right after me was someone he'd met over the internet, so evidently he hadn't learned anything from being with me. I know he's a bit of a prick, all things considered, but I think I still love him, and as I haven't had anyone at all since him, I've been insanely lonely, and I just wish I could have him back, but as the guy that he was at first. I just can't get over him, and nobody over here would even think about going out with me (I won't go into that, there are a multitude of reasons), which doesn't make getting over him any easier. Any idea what I should do? Incidentally, I'm still in touch with the guy, he thinks that we're just good friends now.:icon_sad:
Ouch. I just went through something roughly similar. I don't think it's unnatural that you still love him, you obviously had some hefty feelings for him. I still love the guy that did nearly the same thing to me, though it's a love that I think has "matured" - I'll never forget what we did have, but I understand that it's over with, and the most I will ever do for him now is wish him well. You risk leaving yourself stranded alone when you continue to pine over someone who has already moved on. It is a tough thing to handle, but something you have to accept in order to move on (*hug*)
It's just so difficult to move on at the moment, especially when he reminds me of what it used to be like, which he does all the time. He apparently has a girlfriend at the moment, but he's always telling me that he's still got a bit of a thing for me.
Ooh that's not nice of him. He may not mean any harm to you, but if you're there with all that feeling for him, and it seems like all he says and does only makes you want him more -- while he keeps you at bay with his current g/f -- I don't like the sound of that. You said you were told that he falls for girls a lot, but maybe he just falls for the attention they give. You don't need to spend time on him if there is nothing in it for you, especially when he has a g/f. I recommend giving yourself the time and space away from him so that you can assess the situation for what it is. Choosing to still be his friend will prove a difficult endeavor, since you can't seem to shake those "more than friends" feelings for him.
I'm sorry that things are so bad for you (*hug*) (*hug*). But the advice I have I think you may not want to hear. I think you have to stop talking to him on MSN - you have to just break off all contact. I did this with an ex-boyfriend who I was with for years - it broke my heart, but it worked. Eventually. But it sounds as though he is making the whole process difficult for you by saying that he still has some feelings for you. But I also think that the reasons he decided not to pursue a relationship are valid reasons too - not that this makes it any better for you. I also think that, from the sounds of it, he may not have been the best person for you in the long run anyway, and that it's possible you made a lucky escape, even though it doesn't feel that way. But love hurts. And time really is the only healer - but sometimes you have to help this along. I would think seriously about at least cutting down contact with him. Although given how you feel, coming to this decision may take a while, as you have to psychologically prepare yourself for it. But I would also not think about future relationships, or depair about that either. I know people are always saying it, but it's true - you have to be happy being alone, or else you are vulnerable to entering into unhealthy or unsuitable relationships, just because they are relationships, and you feel you want or need one. Whilst everybody is flattered and happy when someone likes them, as a general rule, you should not look to relationships for validation or happiness: you should be able to get these from yourself, not from someone else. But good luck getting over him. It's hard, I know. (*hug*) (*hug*)
Thanks for the advice, you're absolutely right. I have tried to break off contact with him in the past, but I can never stick to it, because he's just really really nice when I talk to him, and we have loads of private jokes and stuff like that. It's just sometimes, he either gets really mean and unreasonable, or he starts obsessing over whether we should've broken up or not. I genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, think that he was right about breaking up with me, given the circumstances. What I truly can't forgive him for was making me think that everything was going to be okay, when he knew right from the start that it wouldn't be. I'm feeling much better about it today, I slept on it and thought about it a lot yesterday, and I've come to my decision. I think I'll just move on, it never would've worked between us anyway, at least not until I go to the UK for university, but I can hardly expect him to wait that long. As was stated by NoLeafClover, I'll never forget what I had with him, but I can't risk pining over it anymore, otherwise I'll become seriously depressed. On the bright side, I've certainly learned something ^__^ Thanks so much for replying, CCDD and NoLeafClover
(*hug*) I don't think I realized in the past exactly how difficult it was for you, so I just wanted to say I'm sorry if I said or did anything that made it worse... ccdd gave excellent advice; FOLLOW IT. The thing about this is, you still see him as how he *used* to appear, not as how he is after light was shed on the situation. So, you need to take off your sunglasses and tell yourself that he wasn't right for you, and there are plenty of better choices out there, and that you have *grown* from this relationship rather than suffered from it.
