Okay so let me start off by thanking you for your time. I'm sure that my grammar will be awful by the time I am done, but unfortunately I am currently in a crisis. I guess I'll start at the beginning. I came to terms with the fact i was gay about last December. I think that I had know for a lot longer, but thats besides the point. Anyways I started to come out last spring starting with thee of my close friends (one of which is also gay). That went very well for me and I felt great afterwqrds and I thought I was fully ready to come out. Fast forward until yesterday and a few more people and you find yourself in my current situation. So last night I decided to come out to one of my friends (at the persuasion of my gay friend). It went well until the conversation started to get very flirty. I'm almost positive my friend I told is straight, but he made an argument that he may be bi. Anyways I started to get excited that this person might have a relationship with me (even though I doubt it). The problem is that I know nothing will result fom this, but I still like to believe that something will happen. Now so that you have a better understanding of where I'm coming from I'm going to tell you this next part (be aware that I have never told anyone this before). There are legitimate depression issues that run in my family. I don't know the full extent, but I think that it is to the point of failed suicide attempts. So I hate to say this but I myself have attempted suicide before multiple times (thankfully I failed). No one know this and I would prefer to not tell them. I don't now why I am the way I am, nor do I know why I have attempted to kill myself. I know that I live a good life and that I am in a loving situation, but I still get overwhelmed by certain emotions. I know that something is wrong with me, and that I need to get help, but I don't know what to do, or how to do it. I'm not ready for my parents to know I'm gay, and I feel like my friends are maxed out with their level of understanding. I guess my main question is where do I go from here? I don't know what to do. I feel like I only have like 2 friends that really care about me and sometimes I get the feeling like I'm weighing them down..... Anyways thanks for the help/support.
First of all hugs! (&&&) Congratulations on coming out. One person is a feat in itself 3 makes me say wow so good job. I'm going to assume you are still in high school or a youth. Are there resources at school you can access? My school offers counseling and connection to outside help. It's strictly confidential unless, you claim that you are going to hurt yourself, do something illegal, or something else I can't remember. I'm also going to assume that your parents know about your suicide attempts. Go find a therapist. In my area, there are many free services for youth and counseling is one of them. You will probably want to tell them about your past experiences, suicide attempts included and that your parents know (assuming that they do).Make sure you ask them about their confidentiality policy. It should be universally the same, but better safe than sorry. Be as open with this person as you possibly can be. If you feel as if you are being judged go find another one. There are members of this site that are much more qualified than I am, but I'm just speaking from personal experience and that includes counseling from the age of 5 till now for anxiety. The more open you are the more you'll benefit. On the topic of coming out, take your time! There's no rush. Do it when you feel comfortable and safe to do it. You've done good already, so just keep plugging away at it at your own pace. It's not a race! Best of luck!
Good for you for starting your coming out journey. It can be a long and often times emotional ride, so you need to be aware of that. Having depression before coming out makes things just that little bit harder, I know, I've done it. Take it slow and focus on you, you don't need to tell everyone all at once. Talking to someone, be it a friend, a family member or a professional is a good idea. You're going to need support and someone to talk to about what you're going through, so find someone you're comfortable with.
Congrads on coming out. It natural to want to share "good news" with others but one should avoid premature or inappropriate disclosure. Take your time - as you take this journey learn from your experience. For many - it is really none of their business and perhaps could care less. Watch what others have learned - both here and in your community.
