Ok I am new to these forums but have been reading some things here. I am 26 years old and feel like I am at a dead end when it come to coming out. I don't even know where I should start if I should go to a club or just find a local group? not that there any locally to me. I have been for years thinking I should come out but don't know where to go or where I can meet other gay people in the london area for either friendship or relationships. I am quite shy so i guess that don't help but I am thinking I need to start being me and stop hiding who I am before it too late. I just want to know if anyone here could give some advise on what to do or where to go, I have another issue with coming out to family but I feel that will end badly. So I would rather not go down that route yet just want to start getting to know some people who are like me all my friends are straight and also think I am straight so it quite difficult to ask them. I have tried having relationships with women but thats not worked out I tend to be more attracted to the same sex. That being said I still have a connection with women but it does not feel the same. Think I have just starting to come to terms with who I am I don't want my life to just go by and I stay in hiding. I think it mainly a fear of being judged I know it sounds silly as there are many other gay people in the world but can't help the feeling. Any advise would be good.
As you can see I am half of your age but I think I have some advice I could give you. You should go find a boyfriend, better if you find one that is out. If he is out he can help you come out, if he is not out you can help each other come out. Hope it helps!!!
I don't know anything about the scene in London, but I think a good place to start would be expanding your social circle. Meet some people, regardless of orientation or gender, and many of them might be able to set you up with their friends or point you in the right direction.
Have your friends ever said anything homophobic that makes you think they wouldn't be accepting? If not, then my honest advice would be to talk to them, subtly introducing homosexuality into the conversation (talk about gay marriage or a gay celebrity) and see how they react. If it's positively and they make it clear that they're all for LGBT rights, then don't be afraid about telling them you're gay! Some of them may even be supportive enough to come with you to an LGBT meeting just to keep you company while you meet some like minded people, I know one of my straight friends who I recently came out to has offered to do that for me. If your friends don't react as well as you would like, then don't stress it. There are LGBT groups all over the place, just google LGBT association in your area and there's bound to be one not too far away. Go there and try to make some new friends. Don't feel that you're leaving it too late. There is no right or wrong time to come out; it's different for everybody. However, I suspect you will find it a huge relief when you do choose to come out, and you can finally start to be honest about your feelings. Good luck and feel free to message me if you need any more advice! (*hug*)
Thanks for the responses I think it more my personal fear that they won't accept it or understand it seeing as they always thought of me as straight.
If you have any gay friends or even gay acquaintances, I would pick one of them and tell them first. That worked really well for me. They'll understand what it's like and be able to offer support and guidance. You can be sure that they won't tell anyone without your express permission (that's important too). Anyway, I've been in relationships with four women in the past seven years. I broke up with my final girlfriend in April so I could come out and actually acknowledge this part of myself. Fear of judgement is totally reasonable and I still worry about it whenever I decide to tell someone else. In my experience though, people have reacted better than I expected and I've felt a lot better after telling them. It's been hard, no doubt, but I honestly feel like I'm happier now than I've ever been. I hope you find similar fulfillment whatever you do.
That's a perfectly normal way to feel at this stage. As for accepting it, you just need to work out their stance on LGBT issues. As for understanding it, that could go a couple of ways. You could either find out that they have suspected all along and just didn't want to make you feel awkward by saying anything, or, as you seem to expect, they could be completely surprised. Even if it does surprise them, they will honestly be fine with it as long as you've already established that they're not homophobic. That's what friends are for. Don't come out until you're ready - I certainly don't want to push you into anything - but I do think your friends deserve a little more credit. It doesn't matter whether or not they understand, they will appreciate how difficult it was for you to come to terms with this and why it took so long to tell them. (*hug*)
I didn't want to sound like I think little of them it just some people even if they don't mean may act around you a little different. I think I will take your advice on finding out first a little more about how they feel about people being gay before coming out to them. I guess your right it does not mater if they understand or not it just finding out if they can just be acceptable of it and respect the fact it been a hard thing to do. Think it will take me a little time to actually tell them as I only just started to accept I am gay myself.
Well from what one of my friends I known for a while said when I asked them about how they would feel if they found out a friend was gay. He said he would not know till it happens and that he most probably would find it weird but the honest truth he would not know. I found this very vague so unsure what to do with that.
Sure is seems such a challenge because of how the world is at the moment and the kind of people that exist in it. Not saying it is all bad just that there are many bad people as well as good who are homophobic. I am finding reading things here is helping me a little learning for other experiences and knowing I am not alone with how I feel.
I have some good news this site has helped me a lot reading about all peoples different experiences I got more confidence in coming out a little. I told one friend (a Women) and they was like why did you not say anything in the first place your still the same person and it seemed to go well. The only thing family and some other friends will be hard to tell they are old fashioned so that is going to be hard.
