I apologize in advance for any errors in my spelling. My computer is currently broken and there is no way I am using my parent's computer for this. So I am typing this on my iPod. Man it is stupidly laggy. -.- But anyway, I came out to everybody but my family a couple years back when I was bi curious. Most of them responded with "Orlly? What a surprise. -.-" But I have recently come to absolute terms with my sexuality and am 100% certain I am pansexual. And for the past couple months, it has been driving me crazy that I have yet to tell my parents. The main issue in doing so, is both my parents have expressed a deep hatred for bisexuals in the past. Now, bisexual and pansexual are different, but Pan just cant help but feel even worse. Then of course, that was in the past, as in a few years back. They havent expressed their opinions recently. Oh, and I have aspergers syndrome. So I guess what I am wondering is how can I go about coming out to my parents? Like, when would be a good time even to bring up the subject? Also, I would not like to wait until I have a boyfriend to tell them. At the moment, only one person interests me, and she is a female. Waiting for a boyfriend is impractical, but I still want them to know. Oh, and I am 17, living at home with intents to do so for at least a few more years. Again, apologies for the poor formatting and grammar. Ipods suck for this kinda thing.
(a) First, I'd suggest trying to get their current opinion on bi folks. Since it's not the most represented minority on TV, maybe mention a friend (real or not) who is bi, and observe their reactions (disgust on their face? Not good. Indifference? Better. Rant about how bi people can't keep it in their pants, always end up cheating and other clichés? Not good, but if you're motivated enough, and if it doesn't seem weird for you to express a dissenting opinion, you can try to educate them some, keeping the part about you being pansexual to yourself). (b) If they're going to disown you if you're anything but straight, well... Obviously, stay in the closet. Safety first. Same if they'll stop treating you as their son - emotional safety is important too. (c) If it looks like they won't react too badly (as in, they'll need some time to accept it, but they eventually will), and you still want to come out, I'd suggest lunch or dinner. If they have something to eat or drink, it takes some of the focus away and they'll feel less pressured to answer right after you told them. The same goes for you, if they start asking questions. (d) Telling them straight away that they can ask questions is good; if they say they don't really know what to ask, tell them they can bring up the subject any time. (e) If you feel uncomfortable talking to them about it, you can write a letter explaining how you feel, along with a definition of pansexuality, how you came to this conclusion, that you don't want to hurt them, that you love them, and whatever you want to add. The idea is the same: they don't have to answer immediately. Keep in mind that they might react badly at first, but as long as it's nothing extreme (like kicking you out), there's hope. They may stay in denial for a while, though. Everyone reacts differently, so it's hard to tell for a stranger how they will. If I think of anything else, I'll go back to this thread.
Finally, another autistic and aspergers kid like me but i'm gay not pan , but i agree with Quaiv. My mom was really shocked and everytime i bring my sexuality up it just shocks her, and when my dad and step-dad get a chance they make fun of gays and lesbians (still haven't came out to them yet due to their homophobicness). If you're parents are uncomfortable when bringing up the subject of sexuality i.e.: gays, pans, bi, trans etc., then i would keep closeted until out either 1 . If you plan on attending college and living in a dorm, i'd come out to them then 2. If you plan on going to college but live with parents, just do it, i mean the only things stopping us from coming out is ourselves, but if their even the slightest homophobic, i would wait until the absolute right moment. Yours truly from another autistic and aspergers kid, MentalMe9917
