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Ways to come out without saying it?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by trevmc, Jul 11, 2013.

  1. trevmc

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    Hey! Well, as the title say, just looking for some advice on ways to come out without blatantly saying "im gay" to my best friend. I think i have come to terms with the fact that the only way I can know for sure if he is gay/bi too is to actually tell him myself I am. Yeah he does act homophobic sometimes, but honestly I dont think its real, and to me just seems like he says it to feel accepted. I know it will be painfully awkward if I tell him upfront im gay, so I kind of want to tell him or lead him but not make it so obvious at the same time. I know it sounds dumb but Im just scared, this would be the first person to know, and I think its a great start.

    There'd could be three outcomes basically, and I have put an honest percentage of what I think could happen. 1- He goes totally mad and cuts total ties with me - 15% chance. 2- He is totally cool with it and makes a joke out of the situation to, life goes on - 35% chance. 3- He says thats awesome, im gay to (might not be immediate ) 50 % chance

    :lol: Maybe im abit optimistic lol but hey, I seriously need to just get on with my life , he sends me so many mixed signals and im tired of waiting. Any advice would be great!
     
  2. rjrh20

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    You could ask him who he likes and if asks you say your not quite the average type of guy and don't like what the average guy likes. It might be a little straight up but that's all I got. Hope this helps!!!
     
  3. Dublin Boy

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    Gay Pride Rainbow Bracelet, if he is Gay, he may know what they represent :slight_smile:
     
  4. My Simple Song

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    I have several questions for you, it seems as if you like this guy would you possibly want to date him or do you just want to tell him and keep your friendship?

    If he exhibits homophobic behavior, however mixed i wouldn't suggest that he be the first person you tell as he could set back your confidence of coming out if he's not accepting, the first person should be someone you can go to if all else fails or you get shunned by a "friend" so you have a shoulder to cry on... do you know anyone that is gay accepting or gay friendly? I dont know your age but if your in high school or college (which i am assuming based off of the information above) and if you don't know someone gay friendly would you be willing to join a LGBTS club to meet someone gay friendly?

    And if you want to come out subtly then do things that make him suspect that 1) you are gay and/or 2) that you are gay friendly ... joining a LGBTS community or becoming a member of PFLAG would accomplish the second task... for the first you can try the touch test, have your hands touch "accidentally" when you are walking together, look into his eyes when you are talking to him, look at him and then quickly look away when he starts to turn (across the room)... it is quite evil to do that, as it toys with his emotions, if he is gay or bi and likes you but it is a way to subtly come out and show that you like him... with this method he might just blatantly ask you so you have to be willing to tell him the truth if he does... please be safe and test the waters first bring up current events and gay rights to gauge his reaction before trying anything drastic
     
  5. NightGrazer

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    I may have accidentally come out to a few of my friends indirectly like this! They were jjoking saying yeah well you're gay (messing they had no idea before this) and i just laughed and then they started saying stuff like haha you didn't deny it etc. And i just kept laughing, not saying anything and then things went awkward for a second and then they quickly changed the subject! So you could try not denying it if he accuses you!?
     
  6. trevmc

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    Thanks for the replies guys! My simple song- I would probably want to date him. Well I have actually tried some of the things you said lol. It just seems now I'm stuck at a dead end. He"s to shy to ever make a bold move and I feel if I even do something he would probably be to shy to respond in the moment. So hence I don't think there is any other way but to let him know. But it just sucks because I really don't want to loose him as a friend and in August we are both moving together going to college. I could be bias explaining the situation, but honestly I can't find reasons for him to be straight. He"s never had a girl friend since I have known him and never really talks about girls. Whenever I am out with him though it's quite strange he kind of seems to take the lead, for example if we go to a movie he will take my drink and popcorn for me, whenever we go shopping he will reach over me to grab the packet and carries it... Just the little things you know. It's kind of like we are together but there is no physical interaction. :confused:
     
  7. srslywtf

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    I thought a rainbow bracelet would do it, but honestly 99 % of people just havent clicked. I guess I've only had it on for a week.

    I think it would be pretty easy to make people realise you're gay by when they ask you about relationships/etc, you 'accidentally' (on purpose) use a really obviously gender-non-specific response. Or like pretend to let something slip like 'dayum dat ass (looking at samesex ass)'
     
  8. vrrml

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    i didn't want to say it explicitly either, so when i did it, me and my friends had been joking about it earlier, and i just said "you know what we were talking about earlier, well i am one of the 18" (one of them had mentioned that theoretically if 10% of the population are gay or bi, then that would be 18 people in my school year)
     
  9. Dublin Boy

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    I noticed a Guy on the bus today with a Beaded Rainbow Bracelet on, so it's all down to the other person, knowing it's meaning, it's normally the Straight People who don't know what it represents :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  10. srslywtf

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    ^ Yes! This is what I'm coming to realise :lol:

    Which is perfect really, I'm not ready to come out to friends/family, but besides that I want anyone to know
     
  11. WonderEgg

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    You could talk about a crush you, have, mention LGBT books, movies, etc. Ask him who his crush is, watch an LGBT movie with him, the possibilities are endless! But high school boys are pretty oblivious, and they often don't know when/if they are giving signals. And as the boy scouts say, be prepared!
     
  12. FemmeFeminist

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    ^ermagherd u quoted the boy scouts, lol... But like yeah, tell him you support gay people see if he comes out tO u. If you end up dating i rrequire u to send me a pic mkay? :wink: good luck!