1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Have you wanted to come to someone but couldn't?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BiPenguin, Jul 11, 2013.

  1. BiPenguin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2013
    Messages:
    486
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney
    I spent a lot of my childhood in the country, staying over with a Great Uncle/Auntie. I liked them a lot. Actually, they were two of the very few people in my bloodline that I liked.

    It was when I was 12 years old and in my first year of high school while staying over with them in a tiny country town of no more than 50 people when my Great Auntie asked me if I was gay.

    She asked me because I really liked Elton John and didn't care that he was gay. Yes, I know it's a silly connection but I also think that she already was concerned about my sexuality.

    I was 12 years old and was no virgin, homosexually speaking. I really wanted to say yes to her but the look in her eyes told me that she would have been heartbroken if I said yes. I liked her too much. I'm not sure she believed me as I think she said something about it being best people don't know. When relatives in the country demanded to know why I wasn't going out with girls and having sex with them, my Auntie just said something to shut them up so I guess she knew anyway.
     
  2. LD579

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2013
    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Canada
    Yes, to answer your question. I wanted to come out to these friends of mine when I was 13 or 14, I believe. I came out to them a few years later when I was 16 and more accepting of myself. It was nice.
     
  3. biggayguy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2013
    Messages:
    2,082
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ohio
    I have an aunt I would like to come out to. She and her now dead husband have made some very homophobic remarks. For example, stating that if their sons said they were gay they would wish them dead. She and her sons are my only relatives in the area. If I alienated them I would have no one in case of an emergency. OTOH she isn't stupid. She has seen me convert from Pentecostal to Catholic and from Republican to Libertarian. My sexuality is he main force behind those changes. Maybe she doesn't want to ask that question.
     
  4. soconfused97

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 14, 2013
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    My absolute best friend since first grade is the one person I keep trying to want to tell but I never can get to it. I've told my semi-homophobic brother who ended up being one of the most accepting in my family and several of my other close friends, but not this one guy who's family has been closer than a second family to me. It hurts, and I feel like more of a coward then I did when I was 100% in the closet, but I know he would be okay with it, his family would be weird specifically his sister but she loves me like a brother so she would come around too, he even brought up a conversation of how good it was we were bringing down D.O.M.A a few days ago after it happened, but we have been best friends for more than half my life and if even a single aspect of that friendship changed it would kill me, but i need to tell him because in this age of technology if i end up with a boyfriend in the future someone will surely post a picture on Instagram, twitter, facebook or whatever and boom, or the word will get back to him through mutual friends and maybe he'll feel betrayed that i didn't tell him. In essence, it's all stupid
     
  5. Wildwings

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2013
    Messages:
    61
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yeah I wanted to come out to my best friend but can never do it.
     
  6. evora

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    528
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Central/Eastern Europe
    For the first few times I tried to tell my mother, I started choking and coughing... I told her eventually but she wasn't my first choice, more like my last resort.
    I wanted my grandmother to know - and I still do - but like my mother, she doesn't want to know about it. :frowning2: She must suspect it at least because I've never been interested in boys and just today she told me how she wished for me to 'find a man' soon so I'd know what a good feeling it is to hold your boyfriend's hand...:eusa_sick
    I'd also like to tell my aunt but she'd tell my grandparents. All of them are extremely homophobic and conservative. I know what my aunt's reaction would be though. She'd tell me not to be silly and that no one's gay in our family...when in fact, some of us are. So there's absolutely no point telling her I think she'd be better off with a woman, or that her son is probably gay, or that her second cousin is as well...:rolle:
     
  7. mwaffles

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2013
    Messages:
    174
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Brasil
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I wanted to come out to my mom, I know she will be fine, at least I think she will. But anyways, not in the moment, I'll always think "I should come out to her, she's my mom and she is so nice and understanding", but I just can't do it, I think I'd be too nervous for the rest of the year, and I can't be nervous this year, at least. When I get into the university, then I'll tell her and will not look back.
    But I think she already knows, even a little bit lol
     
  8. LinkLarkin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2013
    Messages:
    323
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    I spent a year after coming to terms with my sexuality trying to find the right time to tell my friends. I went through conversation after conversation of "If you had a girlfriend...", "Who do you like at the moment?" and I always wanted to just spit it out but I always managed to come up with a reason why it wasn't the right time. I finally worked up the courage to just spit it out to the important people a few weeks ago though! :grin: Now just to work out how to tell my family...
     
  9. clockworkfox

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2013
    Messages:
    1,318
    Likes Received:
    60
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I've tried telling my family, but it hasn't worked out yet. They thought I was trying to say I was a lesbian or something. Apparently this whole lesbian thing is going to follow me around forever, it's the single most assumed thing about me since I was eight or nine...

    I want to get the words out, I just don't know how to do it.
     
  10. Idek1204

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2013
    Messages:
    142
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Aw your aunt sounds supportive

    No ones directly asked me but I've made jokes that I am. There have been people I've wanted to tell and I regret not. I guess I regret not telling them more than I'd regret telling them?
     
  11. gayboy66

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2013
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Dear BiPenguin :


    Did your Aunt really ask you if your gay just because you like Sir Elton Jon ? that would be like my Mom asking me if I was a metal head just because I like Motley Crue ?
    Yes I'm a huge fan of theirs, but since I'm not in my twenties anymore, I don't consider myself a metal head. Yuck!!!!!! sex, with girls!!!! No thanks, never. I'm strictly in
    love with my girlfriend, Ricka.


    Great story though, thanks for sharing it with me, by the way, my name is Jayme, it's great to know you. I hope this letter starts our friendship.

    gayboy66
     
  12. Sardonic

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2013
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Happily in Chicago :)
    I've very recently tried to tell my grandparents... I was over there just yesterday for 4 hours just me and them... but it didn't work out, I couldn't summon the courage to do it. I don't think they wouldn't be accepting I just felt like I was failing them somehow...
     
  13. RavenAthena

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2013
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Georgia~
    Gender:
    Female
    I would love to be able to tell my parents, hell I'd love for everyone to know in my family, but my parents are homophobic and my grandmother is REALLY REALLY homophobic, insanely. So yeah.
     
  14. evan1evan

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2013
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Amazing USA Benton,Arkansas
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    oh yes ive tryed to tell my mom that i was gay but she didnt believe me s i left it at that and my mom is really religos (she christian i am to but its not my fault im attracted to boys). so YES
     
  15. BiPenguin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2013
    Messages:
    486
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney
    That was her cue to ask at least. She stopped listening to Elton John when she learned his sexuality and I simply didn't care. I loved his music and that's all that matters to me. I secretly held some attraction to him from the time I first came across Elton though.

    So either she asked because of the music or it was a clue in a line of cues of my sexuality possibly? Especially when I was showing absolutely no interest in girls.
     
  16. sammy1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2013
    Messages:
    426
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada :)
    I always feel the need to come out to my parents and my grandma so they will stop annoying me about if i like any boys work or y i dont have a boyfriend and have to make a stupid excuse everytime. It gets harder and harder to lie. :frowning2: