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How to come out to my family?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by FrostedDew, Jul 12, 2013.

  1. FrostedDew

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2013
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    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I recently found out that I am a genderqueer. But I am leaning more towards the boy side rather than the girl side.
    My friends and my boyfriend know and they are cool with it, in fact; they've been supportive. But this week has been hard and emotional.
    My family are very forceful on me, since I'm physically a girl, they often force a girl physique on me; for example, when I moved into my new room; I asked for it to be blue or just plain white. And my mum put up pink flowery wallpaper. I asked her why she did it really girly; she replied with, and I shit you not, "You're a woman, start acting like one. The colour blue is emo and boyish, and I want you to stop acting like a boy."

    I told me dad and he told me that my mum's word is law, and I shouldn't argue with her about it. But, then I remembered that my older brother once covered his wall with posters, and my mum was fine with it! So I asked my mum if I could get posters, and she denied me that because she said it was 'unlady-like'.

    Since I have found out I'm genderqueer, this behaviour from my mum has been bringing me to the verge of tears. Last night I was sobbing because of this whole situation. I'm not being allowed to dress how I like and be who I want to be. It took me months to get my hair cut short, and I'm not allowed to get my fringe cut like a boy, she doesn't like it.

    Even my parents are starting to get suspicious that I'm a boy trapped in a girl's body.
    Although most days I really want to be a boy; other days I feel fine being a girl.

    I don't know how to come out to my family. I'm too scared to. They'll probably think I'm a freak and hate me, because my mum was raised by people who were homophobic and racist. I don't know what to do. Someone please help me...?
     
  2. This is really tough to answer... my first thought when I read this was that your parents deserve to know how much they've been hurting you. Then again, they might not exactly understand, so it's really hard to say what would be best. You should definitely talk to them though, maybe you shouldn't say that you're genderqueer, as that might confuse them, but just say that you aren't comfortable with the strict limits that are being set. Hope this helps.