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My brothers is gay, so am I ... how to come out to him.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by bdpotter, Jul 12, 2013.

  1. bdpotter

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    So a couple of years ago (like 4 maybe) I've found out that my older brother is gay, by accident, and asked him about it and he confirmed it. And at first it was a shock to me but than I've accepted it. At that time I wasn't even sure how I feel about gay people, and wasn't sure about my sexuality, or at least I thought I was straight (or I was supposed to be). In the last year of high school I started questioning my sexuality, and after I've moved away from my parents, I questioned it even more. I am 20 years old now, so I've been doing research, and wondering, and accepting myself as a lesbian. for about 2 years. But I am not out to anybody. First of all I live in a city/country that is very homophobic, and not a lot of people come out. But I am sure that I want to come to my brother, and I know that he is going to be supportive (cause he's gay too), but I don't know how to do it. Whenever the subject of relationship, or marriage comes up, while talking with both him and my parents I try not to use male pronouns, sort of giving up a little hints, so when I do come out to them eventually they will not be so surprised. Though I haven't brought home a boyfriend, ever.
    So how do I tell my gay brother, that I'm lesbian?
    But I want to do it in a subtle way, cause I'm still not comfortable with the term lesbian, because in my language, this term is regularly used with porn.
    And yeas we are the only children, both gay, is this common by the way?
    Anyhow thanks in advance.
     
  2. remainnameless

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    I don't have any advice, but I'd like to say I completely understand cause I have a similar problem and don't know how to handle it. I recently found out my brother, I'm 16 and he's almost 20, is "gay". Well, not exactly recently, but anyways. The deal is, it's really complicated and I'm not gonna explain but basically he is using his best friend as a beard, but she knows. He's gonna "pray the gay away" I guess. And she must think that deep down he will turn straight or something, idk. But my thing is we have more in common than he knows but I can't exactly tell him cause he's going down this "Christian path" and I know he'll freak out if I tell him. I know I won't tell him for a long time, but I have no idea how to go about this. It's a fear of rejection in a completely different way, I guess :/

    But ya, I understand the whole gay brother thing :wink:
     
  3. rjrh20

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    bdpotter: I would say to just call him on the phone or if you live close just go talk to him and than just be like im not exactly straight. Then tell him that hes the only one that knows and you thought you should tell him because he would understand what you are going through.

    remainnameless: I would say wait, he might come to terms with the fact that hes gay and you might be able to tell him then. If he never does, he might hear it from someone else and then hell just know.

    You guys shouldn't stress it. They are still your family and they might come to terms eventually.

    Good luck!!!

    Also welcome to EC bdpotter!!!
     
  4. WonderEgg

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    You and your brother should do some sort of activity together, just the two of you. Then just say, "By the way, I like girls." Or suggest an LGBT activity/parade/whatever you can go to. If he asks why you want to go, say it's because you're like him, if you catch my drift. Or keep pointing out how attractive girls are when you're around him. But remember to come out at your own pace. ^_^
     
  5. bdpotter

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    Thanks guys, really helpful.
    Thanks WonderEgg, I will probably do as you suggested, give up some hints (cannot do an LGBT thing, cause that ain't happening where I live), and if he doesn't figure it out, I'll eventually call him, like Best Lesbian 20 suggested.

    As far as remainnameless, your situation is a little more complicated, cause your brother doesn't accept himself, and if you tell him, then maybe he'll probably suggest that you go down that "christian path" as you call it. But if he ever comes to term with his sexuality, than you can tell him easily.

    Thank you guys, again ... and for the warm welcome as well.
     
  6. bdpotter

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    A few weeks after joining here and posting this, I did come out to my brother, at an airport, before leaving to another country for a year, I just blurted it out, and he was super supportive, a little shocked, and afterwards we talked over internet.
    So thanks so much for the replies.
     
  7. Mlpguy88

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    Congratulations
     
  8. bingostring

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    Well done bdpotter: now you will start a deeper closer relationship with him from here... sounds really good !
     
  9. qwr42

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    Yay!

    How are your parents about all this? Have you talked to them yet?
     
  10. Van

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    Wow, how amazing is that? :grin:
    Just talk to him, you need to get support from someone you love and can trust, and someone who can actually understand you. :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 22nd Aug 2013 at 10:55 PM ----------

    Ugh, I just read all the comments and feel stupid. :grin: I just got super excited that both you and your brother are gay.
    Anyway, congrats! :grin:
     
  11. KyleD

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    That is rough. I have been there though. I did ex gay therapy for 4 years but it never helped me. He'll come to terms he is gay eventually.

    I say hold off on telling him.

     
  12. RainbowMan

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    Congrats on telling him! It's liberating, isn't it? :slight_smile:
     
  13. bdpotter

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    Yes, so liberating, since he is the first person that I came out to ... finally I can talk to somebody, and besides that he is my brother we were close even before, now closer, but just the fact that someone knows that big part of my life. Feels so right.

    And no, my parents don't know about this, and will probably not know for a couple of years. I'm thinking maybe not telling them before I get into a serious relationship, and got other aspects of my life figured out, like finishing college, getting a job (even though this part is not always so sure) etc.
    But one step at a time ... now comes telling my friends. And just coming out to someone new.
    But really thanks for all the support guys.

    And I can finally change my out status here. :slight_smile: