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I know I am..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by rocking23, May 3, 2008.

  1. rocking23

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    Hey all,
    this is kinda the first time I'm saying it.. I'm gay...I know I'm gay...I guess you could say I've already accepted myself...

    I've been reading some literature on the topic of coming out.. but im not sure I can.. People in the readings have said they came out when they were older (18, or out of the house.)

    At school, people will say "(name) are you gay?" "(name) do you like guys?" The answer to all... well.. yes.. But i can't just say it, I can't bring myself to say it...

    I have friends who say "(name) are you gay? I don't care if you are" They say they are ok with it, but i don't know if they actually are..

    The literature I've been reading hasn't really explained too much on how i could come out... I'm only 15 and I'm not sure If i could or even should come out....

    Any advice from people in my situation would be great.

    Thanks!
     
  2. SkyTears

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    My biggest piece of advice for anyone. Only come out when you feel it is right/want. Don't just do it because you think you have to.

    Easy ways to get into:
    *(knowing view)test the waters on their view about gays; "do you really think gay should marry?"
    *(telling?)slide into a gay subject and then be like, "Oh by the way.." Or whatever

    But in the end the best way to come out is doing it your own way that you feel safest with.
     
  3. otc877

    otc877 Guest

    Well it seems like you've gotten through one of the harder steps in coming out, and that's admitting it yourself. Some people don't come to terms with their sexuality (or admit it) until they are in their late adult life.

    Now that you know you're gay, start to educate yourself on the topic. Read some brochures on coming out, check out the stickies on this website. Educate yourself so you can answer people's questions with certainty. This is not a phase, this was not a choice, here's why type of deal.

    Come out on your own terms, find somebody who you know you can trust, and you know will be accepting. Speaking from experience, it is a huge relief to have somebody that you can confide in who will not judge you nor will they see you as any different.

    You'll know when the time is right.

    Here's a brochure taken from beckyg's post that's stickied in this forum, http://www.outproud.org/brochure_coming_out.html

    I suggest you read it, and others like it. Good luck.

    Congratulations on coming out to yourself.
     
  4. TriBi

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    Hi and welcome.:smilewave You've come to a good place to talk about this, that's for sure.

    I'd suggest you have a good look around at people's stories and experiences in the Support Area. I'd agree that you should only decide to come out when you are ready - and that 'time' can vary depending on everyone's individual circumstances etc.

    Even if you have accepted being gay to yourself - you might find the following useful (if you haven't found it already): http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=930

    Now - just jump in and enjoy EC :icon_bigg (the natives are very friendly, hehe!)
     
  5. Mirko

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    Hi there,

    Welcome to EC! You already made the first huge step - coming out to yourself and accepting yourself. Congratulations!:eusa_clap

    As the above posts have already mentioned, how fast you want to come out to others is up to you. Come out only to others when you feel that the timing is right for you and you can trust the person or persons to whom you want to come out and you know that he/she or they are going to be supportive of you and respect you. It doesn't matter how long it takes to come out to others. As with everything in life, follow your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, don't go for it.

    Otc877 has given great advice. Education is key.

    Hope you'll be enjoying your stay here.
     
  6. paint

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    Welcome to EC, dude! (!)
     
  7. panda

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    Welcome to EC. Hang around here. Read other people's stories. There's lots of people here to help you . Take your time . When the time is right you'll know.:welcome:
     
  8. Bromptonrocks

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    Welcome to EC. There's lots of advice here. Stick around; we'll help you.
     
  9. Rahata

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    I have to agree, I made that mistake and that's whats been bugging me a lot lately. Do it at a time you feel right. You don't have to do anything unless you want to. but I wish you luck on this.:grin:
     
  10. rocking23

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    You have all be every helpful!
    I'm gunna read the site a bit and consider a good time!

    I feel like I can say anything here :slight_smile:
     
  11. Psychedelic Bookmarks

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    Hi, welcome. It is hard to say it to yourself a first. I remember the first time I thought it, and it seemed so wierd and alien. I couldn't imagine how I could reconcile myself to it, I just felt wierd all over. But it gets easier. And after a while, you'll find that your self acceptance allows you to even tell others.

    I know the usual coming out stories are like 18+ but that doesn't mean it's wrong or unusual to come out earlier, at least for some people. I'm only 14 but I've already told my parents, my brother, and several of my friends. When to come out is a very personal choice and it can be legitamately made at any age. It just depends on how comfortable you are and how much you want to.

    As regarding your friends who say "I'm ok with it", my guess is that, if they bring it up and specifically say "I'm OK if you're gay", not only are they perfectly OK with it, but they've probably guessed that you are gay already. They just want to make you feel comfortable. Otherwise, why would they make such a direct and otherwise random comment? If you have friends who say so directly that they're OK with it, I'd bet they're telling the truth. That doesn't mean you have to come out to them, of course. It all just depends on what you feel ready for.

    There is no one way to come out. Basically, it just involves saying 3 words: I am gay. The way I told my first friends was at a sleepover. We had been talking late into the night. I said: there's something really serious I want to tell you all; I'm pretty nervous because your opinions matter to me. They said: OK, what's up? And I said: I think I'm gay. And it was done. I was out!

    Don't rush things, just take it all at your own pace. Good luck!
     
  12. simon

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    you have come out to yourself which is great. it is up to you when you come out to family and friends. the age thing doesn't really matter.
    i came out at 17, boyfriend at 19 to parents( everyone else had been told) and best friend at 16.
    just wait til you think you are ready and them tell people one by one. this way you get one person who very likely will be a support person for when you tell others and it'll be that little bit easier when you start telling more people.

    hope that made sense and hope it helps is some kinda way
     
  13. boy0boy

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    It can be a frustrating situation, getting to slowly accept it... then dealing with the slow change of... being upfront about it when you've hidden for a while. Trust me, usually those comments are the first barrage... and then a funny event happens, they BELIEVE you! So while it sucks you weren't ready to share at such an abrupt moment when they ask, it tends to make it harder to finally tell them once you've said no. BUT it's OKAY don't let that get to you, it got to me I know, I felt like a hypocrite and put off telling them even longer. ALL said and done, their reaction would have been the same whether I told them when they asked first or how I did which was later on. Usually time isn't a way of seeing if THEY are okay with it, it's are YOU okay with it - and not just personal acceptance: the acceptance of people having an opinion on your life, which you can't control.

    Hmm hope that helps
     
  14. rocking23

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    Thank you! That was very helpful!

    The friend said "I'm ok with it" I dont think he wants to make me comfortable.. it was kinda sarcastic, but anyways... :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    I dont plan on rushing into any thing! I want to read a bit more and maybe wait for the summer...

    Thnks!
     
  15. sayitforreals

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