Hello, my profile name is DontBreakMe. I'm not comfortable with revealing my name, as I've only come out to three people so far: my best friend, a close friend at school, and my mother. I'm 17 years old, born out of the country and lived in Las Vegas for most of my life. A year ago I moved to Texas, but because of our financial situation and the fact that my parents are divorced, we will probably be moving back in a few months. I'm sorry if this is kind of long, this is my first post and my first time being on a website like this and I have a lot on my mind, but I'll try to keep it short. So, this is my problem: I've been having feelings towards women since I was about 13 years old. Though since I was little I've always liked boys, I've been in relationships with guys and I've lost my virginity to a guy as well. The relationships I have been in always involved serious feelings and attraction towards the guy, so it wasn't something dumb or a crush. However when I was 13 I started having a sexual attraction to girls. I always thought they would go away and that maybe I was just curious. But now that I'm 17 years old and I understand more about sexuality and relationships, it's become harder for me to deny the fact that I am incredibly attracted to girls and that I may actually want to be in a relationship with one. I somehow came out to my mother a few days ago, and even though I knew it would be hard, I never thought it would ever be this hard and painful. My mom's reaction was somewhat exactly what I thought it would be: confusion, awkwardness and probably some hurt feelings. However by the end of the talk she seemed actually okay with it, and it makes it hard for me to understand why these last few days at random times she'll ask me if I'm sure. During tv, or while she's doing the dishes, or in the car she will ask me if I'm absolutely sure that I like girls because of the fact that I have dated boys before. It's getting to a point where I am completely convinced that she will never understand me, and to where I don't want to talk about it anymore because the painful looks she gives me. Like she's disappointed in me and that it hurts her feelings that I dont feel the same way she does about sexuality - that I'm not straight. I'm actually even considering telling her to forget everything I said just so I dont have to deal with this pain anymore. If when school starts I find a girl that I want to be with and decide to persue a relationship with her, I don't know how my mother would handle it. I need advice. In the simplest terms, my mother can't come to terms with the fact that I like boys and girls. Please help. Thank you.
First of all, no need to apologize for being anonymous - we are all, and that's one of the big principles of EC. Anything that can lead people to identify you off the site is verboten. This is a tough spot to be in - I've never been asked by my parents (who I'm out to) if I'm sure, so I'm not sure what that feels like. But generally, I'll say that people go through five stages of grief (and in this case, your mom is grieving the straight daughter that she thought she had): 1) Denial 2) Anger 3) Bargaining 4) Depression 5) Acceptance It sounds like your mom is between the denial and anger stages right now. She's asking you if you're sure because she can't herself believe it, and is showing signs of anger (unfortunately seemingly directing them towards you) This is a completely normal and natural process for a parent to go through, and things will get better - she'll eventually accept that it is what it is, and that rather than the straight daughter that she thought she had, she now has a beautiful bisexual daughter.
If you ever end up in a serious relationship with a girl, NEVER feel bad for having dated men. I am out to everyone as a gay female, but it took many years for me to even accept that fact myself. I was in two serious, longer term relationships with men. Both of which almost ended up in weddings. I was still trying to figure myself out, even though I have known for as long as I can remember that I was attracted to women. That being said, my family had a hard time understanding my being gay after my two straight relationships. They've never had a problem with it, they always knew that I liked girls too. I dated a girl for a really long time in high school. It was just difficult for them to understand that I was gay, not just bisexual. I think RainbowMan is right in saying your mother is going through denial and anger. My mom once told me that if she had been upset, it was have been more disappointment then anything. Not disappointment in me, but in the lost dreams she once had for me. I hope you can find some of the answers you are looking for here and some peace of mind. We are loving and accepting people. I used to be on here with a different name a while back. It's nice to be back. Welcome to EC.
