Hey guys! So there's some good and some bad to this post, but I'll start off with the good. When I first came out to my mom, she smiled at me and told me she wasn't surprised, that she still loves me, and that I could talk to her about anything any time. She went on to say that it may take her a while to get used to things, and that she'd need a few weeks before getting to that point. Well, yesterday she let me know that she's at that point, and went as far as to ask for a picture of Sebastian! So I showed her, and she said that she thought he was very handsome and that I had a good eye for men :icon_bigg. When I came out to my dad, which was only a couple hours before my mom, he took it really well too. He told me he suspected for over a year, and that he still loves me for who I am, and that I can feel free to bring guys home whenever I want because it's my house just as much as it is his. Apparently, though, he's taking it pretty hard. He hasn't told me this - my mom did. He's been in an extreme state of denial, but my mom said he's going to start trying to face the truth and come to terms with it. She also said that he thinks the process of coming to terms will be a massive emotional roller coaster for him. My mom told me what he's been worrying about, so here are his concerns about me being gay: Being gay is a "harder life" Homophobia still exists in Canada, and he doesn't want me to get hurt I'm a gay male and he's a straight male; he worries that this will tear our father-son relationship apart He worries that I'll get too involved with the LGBT community and close myself off from the heterosexual world entirely He's concerned that my university grades will drop because I'll be distracted because I'm in love with Sebastian My dad also suffers from severe bipolar depression, and in his somewhat atypical case this causes him to sometimes have an extremely short fuse. I know that his depression is flaring up right now because of all his concerns and just the simple fact that I'm gay and he came from a rather homophobic upbringing (though he himself is not consciously homophobic, subconsciously some homophobic elements still exist). I asked my mom, who had a deeper understanding of my dad's emotional state, if she thought it would be a good idea for me to have a heart-to-heart discussion with him to dispel some of his anxieties. She said that she didn't think that he was ready to talk about it, and won't be ready for at least a few weeks, and that if I have that conversation before he's ready, he may explode (remember the short fuse). I just fear that he's going to keep sinking into deeper levels of denial and that he'll never be at a point where he is "ready". So what the hell do you guys think I should do? How do I make him realize I'm still the same person and that all of his fears aren't real? Help - I'm so confused...
Well, I think your dad is right about the first two things he says,they concern me too... You're lucky to have found Sebastian but finding a partner is not that easy for gay people(at least for me). Anyway,that's just two things he's gonna have to accept you'll have to deal with and they WILL make you a better and stronger person... As for the rest... The third one can be solved by the heart-to-heart conversation your mum was talking about... It's not that you're changed are that you're another person all of a sudden so that your relationship will change.! He just found out sth about you that he didn't know before,if your relationship suffers will be from HIS attitude towards YOU. Numbah Four. It's true that gay peple tend to stick together like a ghetto but it's entirely up to you how you share your time between your lgbt friends/activities and the rest of your life meaning family/school/straight friends etc etc etc which brings us to number 5. This has nothing to do with being gay. This has to do with how people behave while in a relationship. A straight girlfriend of mine was very absorbed by her relationship while her SATs where on so she didn't do so well but some other girlfriends of mine totally rocked their SATs while maintaining a sexually healthy relationship with their boyfriends.... It's completely dependent on the person's personality... This shouldn't be a concern about your sexuality... I would also like to say that my dad is a bit like that,so I understand what you mean. Due to an accident his ability to hold his nerves has diminished greatly, up to the point where even he realizes there's a problem:/... It's really had talking to him because you don't know if he'll explode or not... so handle your dad with caution... Hope this helps a little, john
Hey! Well its nice to hear atleast u have a very understanding mom but the unfortunate part is,that it seems ur dad is making u coming out ALL about him. I doubt me saying this will help but if my dad was making it all about himself i would kinda just tell him to 'get over it' i know u said hes bipolar and i donno MAAAAYBE that has a little to do with y he feels that way about u coming out but regaurdless of what ur parents think...youre still the same person i just wouldnt know how to convince him that u are the same person other than just saying that. ---------- Post added 15th Jul 2013 at 07:43 AM ---------- Maybe 'get over it' is the wrong thing to say but it was just an example to what i would say to my dad if he felt the way your dad feels about you coming out. He seems worried about you but also again it seems he is making it too much about him, no? Thats just how i interpreted it
You will find that as each day passes then your dad will come to accept it more, sometimes friends and family just need a bit of time for the news to sink in and to adjust that their child is gay. That doesn't mean that he loves you any less, he just wants what's best for you and you will see that everyday he will accept the idea more and be able to talk about it with you rather than going through your mother.
I don't have any advice to give but I wanted to offer my support. I hope your dad comes around eventually. It sounds like it could be a lot worse. Congratulations on coming out!
Thanks for all the advice, guys. I think I'm gonna let it lie for now and maybe in a couple weeks I'll have a heart-to-heart with him .
I think your Mum's advice seemed pretty good to follow. Maybe just give him some time and then try to talk to him.
I think he just needs some more time . my parents still don't know im not straight but.. me and my dad don't always get along so great and he can get down. I know he would struggle with it a lot as he struggles with emotions full stop. but I think if you let him come to terms with it and act as normal in the mean time a heart to heart will "spontaneously " happen . but I know why you would want to talk sooner rather than later , I think if you approach him too soon he wont have readied himself and just be grumpy. well that's my dad anyway . don't know if this helps or not but its just another perspective .
