Hi, uhm so, how do I start this? I feel like the title sounds rather sad but I don't actually mean it like I'm entirely lonely - but I do feel like no one really understands me. Sometimes I blame myself because I never let anyone know about how I'm feeling but then I remember that I shouldn't talk about anything if I don't feel comfortable with doing so. I want to come out so bad because I've always been quite a self confident person, not really caring about anyone's opinion. I've alway just wanted to stay true to myself, I guess which is why I never really tried "fighting" being a lesbian. Well, maybe I should say that I don't care about anyone's opinion apart from my family's. The thing is, I am scared of what could happen if I told them. I don't have a homophobe family, no I was always taught to be tolerant. But I feel like my mum for example is supportive of gay people as long as they don't show it. She sometimes says to me "I don't care if someone's gay, I want them to have equality, they're just human beings but why do they exaggerate with their pride? Don't make it so public." Those things hurt me because she thinks she's open minded when she's actually not. I just don't know how I should tell her. Or anyone I know. I'll start university in October and I've decided that this is going to be a fresh start for me. If the topic sexuality or dating ever comes up, I won't keep having people think I'm straight. I want to be open about it, I really do. But when you don't have anyone to support you and people have always thought that you're straight (I figured out for myself that I was lesbian about a year ago), how do you tell them? I'm too scared of ending up alone sometimes. When I have good days, I tell myself that I can do it and that I shouldn't be scared because no one seems to understand me. But I can't help it.
Hi and welcome, seeing as nobody has replied yet I wanted to tell you that you have already made a start to freedom as people can feel isolated and very scared when they are in your situation. REMEMBER that you are not alone and have the back up and support of EC, and it's only by talking about things and accepting that you are gay will you have the strength and courage to move forward. Loneliness is something which is one of the hardest things to deal with, you just don't know where to turn to, the dark void is constantly empty and the pain which you hold inside is bursting to come out, oh yes I hear you and I have been there on many occasions. Telling people about your sexuality is something which when the time is ready to tell people then you will be able to feel it inside your heart, and with the strength and determination, help and support from people on EC you will manage to overcome your fears. Don't feel that you have to rush into telling people, do it in your own time and gain strength from posting on EC and starting threads, I know it's hard but you will get there my friend. (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
Hi, thank you very much for your kind reply. It just feels hard for me to tell people who have always expected me to be straight. This sounds stupid and I don't really know how to explain it. I just wouldn't know where and how to start.
It's okay to feel that way. It's hard to come out to people because in a way, it feels like you are lying to them. A good way to come out to people is to dip your toes in, so to speak. Tell your friends individually so that it isn't so stressful. Tackle your family last, because that's the group that you need to be ready for. And I'm sure your mother won't mind. My mother sounds a lot like yours, and she eventually came around.
I don't think that my mother would kick me out or anything, or start loving me less than she does right now but I feel like she'd feel very uncomfortable with it and I know that only time would help her to get used to it but I'm still very scared...
