So I'm not sure what exactly signals reaching this stage, but I'll say I spent a good part of the night letting my mind wander into gay territory: love, sex, relationships, and for once, was at peace with those thoughts. If anything, they made me happy, and I didn't try to push them back, but instead embraced them. After that, I talked to one of my exes, and after sharing how much of an improvement I've been seeing lately, came out to her officially. I had told her of my bisexual tendencies before, and she knew I was curious for a long time, but when I said that I was pretty sure that I liked guys "that way", saw myself with one in the future, she not only accepted it, but was overjoyed. It honestly feels like a giant weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of, though I felt slightly guilty sharing this with someone I was close to before, and planned on going further, building a future together. That said, she played a huge part in helping me get here, whether she knew or not. Unlike many gay men who *know* at an early age, I had no clue, being so isolated and inexperienced, until finding my heterosexual relationships completely unfulfilling. Yes, it feels like a "second puberty" indeed. For once, I want to go out, date, experience what life has to offer. As a teenager, I assumed I simply wasn't attractive or social enough to have a girlfriend, but looking back, I got a few looks and offers. It's bizarre: while most of my friends have already settled down, married, and had kids, it feels like I'm barely experiencing what I should have in high school and junior high! It's like being thirteen all over again, honestly. :lol: Is this pride? It's certainly a new experience for me, having spent the last few weeks depressed, anxious, and even contemplating suicide once. Am I happy? Well, close enough, and I'll say it's definitely a huge improvement, one that was desperately needed. Will I fall back into earlier stages? Who knows? I'm satisfied. The medication and therapy have done wonders, and so has EC. It should also be said that I've started viewing gay men less as "them" and more like "us", becoming a lot more aware of the homophobia and privileges out there, having a stake in the matter, personally. I'm grateful. Honestly, has there ever been a better time to discover, embrace, and share your sexuality than 2013? I'll probably look back, watching documentaries or reading history books and thinking, "I was there!" If this had been 2003 or even 1993, I might have hid it, went the "straight route" and kept it a dirty secret, but it looks like fate was on my side, for once. These past few months have been quite the roller coaster ride!
Congratulations! I'm definitely feeling more pride about myself and being gay. I have been coming out to a lot of people though, and with all the gay marches and the Prop 8/DOMA banishment, it's truly been an excellent month for me both personally as a gay person, and for the whole community. I think, the thoughts that you are having, especially about venturing forth regardless of your sexuality is definitely pride, but perhaps more so increased acceptance in yourself. The knowledge that you can go forth in life and live a good life is the best kind of acceptance! Feeling proud about who you are is the best feeling, ever!
Yes what u speak of regarding feeling like a teenager again is a common experience many people have talked about. Congratulations! So happy for you!
Congratulations! You are expressing what so many of us have said, and so well too! It's amazing how similar these experiences are...welcome to "us".