Hello guys. First of all, I just want to thank you for being an excellent source of information and advice for people like me. By the way, I'm sorry if this looks like a rant, but I just need to get some things off my chest and I think this is the best place to do it. I'm 19 years old and I live in a VERY homophobic household (my mom passed away a few years ago, so I live with my dad and a much older sister). My dad is in his seventies so you should know his views on homosexuality, especially coming from a south american country. The thing is, I've always known I'm gay. That's why I've never had fake girlfriends, so my family can sort of figure it out on their own. But besides a few awkward moments, it hasn't really worked (and it's not like I'm going to tell my dad either.) However, right now I feel like in a moment of my life where I'm really confused. I'm almost done with University and even though I've worked really hard and gotten great grades, whenever I start to think about a future I get sad. Why do I get sad? Well, because I know that even with a good job that I got recently and my college degree I will still feel lonely and locked in a gigantic closet. Pretty pathetic, right? Well, there it is. I know I rambled a lot and it might not seem like there is a true question, but I just want your advice. Thanks for reading and sharing your experiences! P.S: I'm not a native speaker, so I apologize for any grammar/spelling mistakes. Thanks in advance!
Are you asking about whether you should stay in the closet for his sake? It's not exactly fair for you... Are you going to be helping him out as he gets older, or will he just live alone with a nurse or will he live in a group home? If we know the answer to that question, maybe we could help you see what options there are and such.
Thanks for the quick reply. Although he is very healthy right now, I always help him, so I definitely wouldn't want him to be alone with a nurse.
Hola Sebastian, Welcome to EC! It is indeed a sad thing to be closeted, or to know that you are not living in a way that reflects who you are. It is the main struggle of all the members here, to become what we are. I know that, at 19, your whole life is in front of you and it seems as if the closet door is permanently locked...but it isn't. You will learn soon enough that nothing stays the same, that change is the only constant. With your new job, you will gain a measure of independence, a crucial first step away from a toxic environment. Save your money, have a plan, and decide when and where you will go that will allow you to be who you are. Seek out support, both from here and from those who you will meet in your own life who share in being what you are. You aren't alone in this, that is the first thing you need to know!
Hi Sebastian (always liked that name btw ;-), Being 19 is already a difficult age as one is still finding a way to adulthood and dealing with these issues is obviously adding a lot of extra stress and anxiety as your message indicates. Having a job is indeed a way to gain independence as Greatwhale indicates (he is a wise man) and show your father and sister that they can be proud of your achievements at university and now in your new job. Findings friends who understand your situation will be indeed your next step, because sharing your frustrations and challenges is always better than mulling over them on your own. I wish I could say that over time things will get easier, but not knowing your father or sister it would be unrealistic to make any such claims. People can be very hardened in their opinions and unfortunately, aging does not make people's attitudes mellower (at least it rarely does in my opinion). In any case, if you do decide at some point when you feel more confident, with support of friends and perhaps with some professional help as well, to come out to your family, make sure you brace for the worst. Perhaps you find yourself surprised in more than one way. In the end, you are their son/brother and if they truly love you they will learn to accept (or at least tolerate) you being different from what they expected. When they see you are happy in your life, they may realize that being gay or straight is less relevant than being another human who deserves a place on earth like all of us. Take courage and know you are a beautiful person who will find the love you are seeking if you believe in yourself
If you have the opportunity, and the stability you should move. There are always support groups out there for people to talk to. Try to find one local in your community where you can get some social time and possibly some new friends. That is what I did at least. It sucks that a lot of us are burdened by living in narrow-minded households.
