Hey, I'm 21 years old and I've been in a LDR for more than 3 years now. The thing is, I've yet to come out to my parents. My girlfriend's parents found out just recently that my gf is bi-sexual and they are absolutely fine with it. They are also fine with the both of us being together. Now, here is my problem. My Gf's mum has been trying to 'pressure' me into coming out to my parents. She has also talked to my gf, trying to discourage her to be with me because I might choose my parents over her. I feel very stressed and overwhelmed with fear. I've always questioned myself if I should ever come out to my parents. That was when I didn't think it was possible to fall in-love with another person of the same gender. My parents and I are very close and since we are 'Asian', it is really hard to come out to them. I love my parents and I'm their only child. I do not want to disappoint them. I do not want to break my mother's heart. Our family is going through a lot and my mum doesn't take stress well. Also, my parents are crazy religious and they are sort of a Homophobe. I don't want to be disowned for being who I am. I don't want my parents to blame themselves for giving birth to a gay daughter. I will come out to my parents one day, but now is not the right time. However, my girlfriend's mother doesn't seem to understand. I don't really know why she is trying to pressure me into coming out. Maybe she's hoping that I would brake-up with her daughter to please my parents? What ever her reason may be, I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I'm too afraid to face the future. It is going to be hard. I don't know how they will take it. I'm not even sure if I will have anyone who would support me in this. What should I do? :icon_sad:
Hi there and welcome to EC. If it doesn't feel right to you to come out to your parents right now, then don't come out. You need to be in a position where you're confident and can stand your ground on this issue, and I don't sense that you're in that place right now. So it's best to wait. You should explain this to your gf so she can understand. I'm not sure why her mother is interfering - she is probably just being supportive but not necessarily culturally sensitive. Remember though - you are not responsible for your parents' happiness. They are. You can't live your life for them. None of you will be happy. Live your life for you, and by seeing how happy and well adjusted you are they'll be happy too - because all parents ever want is for their kids to be happy and healthy and safe. Good luck - and welcome to EC!!!
You can't rush coming out. It's something that you have to do when you are ready. The rule is that if you fear that you could be harmed (be disowned) then you should probably wait to come out. You will have to come out to your parents one day, but it can wait until you are more secure. You can't risk your own safety and happiness for someone else's mother.
Maybe you should have a conversation (not just tell) your girlfriends mum and explain exactly why you dont want to tell them yet and make sure you get that info into her head. If she argued (not rudely, like im sure blah blah blah) then I of would get rage and literally knock it into her head (im a hothead). Presumably youd have a different way, but just sit down with her if you can and explain all tge risks of coming out to your parents, and get your gf to aswell. Only thoughts, only young too.
You girlfrien's mom probably act like this because she's afraid her daughter might get hurt if you sat in the closet, moms are supposed to be overprotective ! I don't know how old you are but considering you parents' point of view towards gay, you might want to wait to be independant before coming out. Until you do, i agree with Wells, you should probably explain your mom's girlfriend the situation you are in.