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How do I tell my husband am a lesbian...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Violet, Jul 20, 2013.

  1. Violet

    Regular Member

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    when he is kind of homophobic (a bit scary to me)? He doesn't wear anything pink or purple (just an example), don't even think about it! I've told him we should separate several times, but he doesn't listen. I just can't talk with him, for him thing are black or white, there's nothing in between! I have to do something about it, don't know what, any suggestions?
    Violet xx
     
  2. Hexagon

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    I'm not sure how the colours he wears come into it.

    If you are not afraid for your safety, I advise you to just say something along the lines of:

    "We need to talk. I am gay, and I would like to separate." Maybe be nicer about it if he gives you the opportunity.

    If your are afraid for your safety, try doing it with someone else present, or make arrangements to leave before you do it.

    Whatever the situation is, it seems to be that he needs to be dealt with very directly, or else he won't take any hints.

    (*hug*) I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It seems like a very difficult situation.
     
  3. Sarah1

    Sarah1 Guest

    I had to tell my bf/father of my son I'm gay it was very difficult but I'm much happier now. It might have been a little easier for me because he basically already knew for example we never shared the same bed so he pretty much already knew and its better for both of us seperate. He sounds homophobic you know you could just divorce him then come out later. I don't know him based on your quick description he sounds scary even my ex bf can be scarey sometimes

    Hopefully you have a job or can get one so you won't be completely dependent on him maybe you can stay with your sister?

    Whatever the case it is best you seperate now (I mean if you are sure you are gay) its better late than never you still have time to find a happy fulfilling relationship and once you reach that place you wil be so happy you took these painfull steps now
     
  4. Violet

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    Thank you for your advise Hexagon and Sarah1! I'll work this out, it might take a bit of time, but I'll come up this something and you gave me a few things to think about.

    See yous around!!
     
  5. Littlemonkey

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    Honestly, I don't know if telling him that you're gay and that you would like to separate would be the best thing. If he's homophobic, he'll hate you more for being gay than for leaving him.
    Your discription of him (that you talk and he doesn't listen) sounds auwful. Telling someone you want to leave them, and them not really responding must be hurtful. I'm sorry you're in this siutuation. If you were straight would you stay with him? Maybe that's an important question to ask yourself.
    Obivously it will take time, but I wish you all the best :slight_smile:
     
  6. Violet

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    Hi Littlemonkey, thank you for your reply! If I told him I'm gay, he would do everything or anything to take the kids (4 and 13 years old) away from me, so there's no way I'm telling him now. Regarding to your question, even when I thought I was straight wanted to leave him. I just found out a few months ago, it was very confusing. But now everything is much clearer to me.

    Thank you :kiss: