1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I feel the need to ...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by johnny11, May 5, 2008.

  1. johnny11

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 2, 2008
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    I really want to "come out ", but I don't know how. I don't just want to go up to everyone , and be like "Um ...I'm bisexual" to everyone...I'm soooo confused. I wish that I could just suck it up , and tell everyone , but I feel like not one person will accept me , because I'm kinda a d-bag to everyone who's gay cause I feel like if I'm nice to them everyone will know that I am also , and the people who are my friends would think I 'm weird ,and hate me , so pretty much I'm alone in this ...I wish I weren't such a jerk.
    The there's the whole "Wait till I move thing" cause I'm moving this summer , and its to a really big city , so I think I'll be more accepted there , but then I think that I'll just keep coming u with excuses until I die , and the I'll feel like I've been a liar my whole life.
    Then I feel like all my guy friends will hate me . I mean I know they will all assume I have a crush on them , and stop talking to me because they feel awkward.Ugh I hate lying.

    Sorry I just kinda had to vent
     
  2. sayitforreals

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ky. I wear shoes btw.
    I went through this. I did the same things, and thought the same things. there are a couple of things though. Do you not have any friends that you really really trust, or that you have noticed are open minded? maybe start with them. If not, well you're moving in the summer, even if they don't accept you A. eff them, and two well you wont be around too much longer. I know it can be hard, but after you do it that first time, there is such a relief and it becomes so much easier.

    best of luck with it though. I hope at least one of your friends will accept you. Im sure they will.
     
  3. Zexion

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2008
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nevada
    Johnny, I'm pretty much in the same boat you are.

    I don't badmouth gays, but I do make mean jokes about them, which I guess would be kind of badmouthing them. I do it in front of my guy friends so they'll accept me. But as I've come to realize that's not the way to go. Just because my friends are doing it, doesn't mean I should. :/ Yeah, it's really hard to get used to the fact that people will dislike you, make fun of you, and all other manner of distaste around you, but you should remember this; if they make fun of you for being who you are then they're insecure. It's gonna be hard to tune out those voices that yell indifference, but it feels so good to finally come out.

    The only guy friends of yours who will hate you for being who you are are d-bags and not worth hanging out with anyway. Plus, like I said before, if they make fun of you, it's because they're insecure of themselves.

    I don't neccessarily think that coming out in a big town will be really helpful, but I dunno. I live in the gambling capital of the world and I'm still terrified to come out of the closet. But whatever works for you is awesome!

    Like Derek said, you should look for a friend who's open minded, because they definitely help!

    Finally, you shouldn't be afraid that people won't accept you; there's always going to be people around to support you. Whether it's us here in EC, or someone in real life, who you can relate to and share your feelings with. If you ever need support we're always here to help, so don't ever feel alone. Some of us are gay too, so we know what you're going through. (Wow, now I'm speaking for all of EC. >.>)

    I think I've rambled on enough. I really hope this made sense and was helpful. [coughs]

    Good luck to you, and I wish you all the happiness in the world. :slight_smile: <3
     
  4. LOVEjames

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2008
    Messages:
    423
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Well, this is going to be a tad stereotypical of Texas, but I would say to wait until you move. I mean, Texas is a beautiful state, but not terribly accepting towards gays. <3 I think that you should set a hard date for when you want to come out if you're ready because otherwise you will just keep making excuses and that would suck.
     
  5. neverover

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2007
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    jakarta, indonesia
    yeah, wait until u move. its a better idea.
     
  6. Wired106

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2008
    Messages:
    434
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Norcal-San Francisco!
    lol dude, johnny, i know how you feel. I want to tell everyone at my school so bad (or at least some of them) , but I know I can't because I know at least 75% of the people that I hang out with or are friends with will think I like them or something like that, and PLUS I got to an all guys private high school so if word got out, I got the feeling I would get so much crap from people.

    If I were you though, I think I would wait until I moved and then just start coming out to people in your new city because then you can pretty much start new and people won't have known you earlier so they won't mess with you as much, or maybe not at all. But I'd come out to your parents first if I were you.
     
  7. TyraBanksIsFierce

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2008
    Messages:
    357
    Likes Received:
    0
    I didn't read any of the replies >< but.....

    You don't have to tell everyone at once, Isn't there just one person who you could trust?
     
  8. Gerry

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2008
    Messages:
    5,163
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Las Vegas, Nevada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I just have a little advice to give to you Johnny, and you've probably heard it before but you're young (only 14!) and you'll know when it's right to come out. Maybe you're rushing things? Whatever you choose good luck with it. Coming out is a hard step for most people, and it shouldn't even have to be a step if people didn't think their child "automatically" liked the opposite sex. Maybe think and wait on it. There's no rush in the coming out process but it does feel great getting it off your chest. Hope that helps. :slight_smile:
     
  9. Psychedelic Bookmarks

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2007
    Messages:
    1,481
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    When you move, how about you start off not being nasty to gay people? Then others will know you're OK with it and when you eventually come out to your friends, they won't be so suprised. It won't give you away because lots of straight people are fine with it; it's just gay people sometimes feel paranoid about looking "too" pro-gay. I would say that would be an important first step. :slight_smile: Good luck!
     
  10. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Coming out doesn't mean grabbing a soap box or lecturn, and making a huge public announcement, while waving a huge rainbow flag. Well, it can if you want, but that's not really the point. The point is simply to not live a lie anymore. So you stop playing pronoun games ("I like this person..." or "I'm seeing someone..."), and you don't shy away from the topic or question when it comes up. When homosexuality comes up, say "Well, I'm bisexual, so I guess that should count."

    Lex
     
  11. sdc91

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2007
    Messages:
    1,402
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Castro, San Francisco, California
    It's a personal choice as to whether you come out before or after your move.

    Last summer I thought I would come out after I moved from Houston to Dallas for school, but that never happened because I heard some pretty homophobic remarks from some of the guys here (some of whom are actually pretty liberal . . . funny how a bunch of guys moving into the same dorm have to defend their masculinity).

    By the way, Texas isn't too bad if you're in the major cities, but the northeast is overall more accepting.
     
  12. paint

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2008
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Clear Lake City, TX
    I sort of felt that Dallas would be safer too...it's strange.hmmmm.