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Oh Jesus....

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Lacri, May 6, 2008.

  1. Lacri

    Lacri Guest

    So my whole family are Baptist Christians. It's really hard dealing with them because of thier views. My family only consists of My mother, My older brother (in college), and My younger brother (15). My dad died a while back. But my mom thinks that I am gay only to "get back at her". It is really hard. I met one girl on this site (Kat22) who has been eally cool, and has helped me a lot. I LOVE HER!!!! But its still hard....what should I do? Anybody else deal with this? I'm forced to go to church twice a week, and it sucks! The pastor once said that,"The sign of sin is being constantly tired. Ask any gay person if they are happy with thier lives, and though they may say that they are, they are not." I was pissed. Then the next week he came in and said he was exhausted, lol. I don't know....any advice on what to do?
     
  2. Rahata

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    Wow.. you got it hard there. There's not much you can do, but I would sit down with your mom and try to have a long talk with her. Try to make her realize your not trying to get back at her but wanting to be more open with her about your feelings. See how that goes. As for the pastor, I'd stop going to church if i could.
     
  3. Airboy87

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    I think I have a pretty good idea what you're going through. I was raised by some pretty hardcore Southern Baptists, whose views on homosexuality and bisexuality are pretty extreme, to say the least. As is the case with most religious fanatics, Southern Baptists are thoroughly convinced that they know what's best for you far better than you do. Their interpretation of the bible is a pretty rigid one, and quite often they are more than a little hypocritical in their actions. My advice to you would be this.... even though it may seem pretty hard to deal with at times, it's unlikely to ever change. So, the best thing you can do is just find a way to deal with it the best you can until such time that you are free to move on in life, and most importantly, just stay true to yourself and what YOU believe is right. Stay strong. It'll get you through. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Jim1454

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    Gosh... I'm not sure how you can stand going to church... I wonder how many gay people that pastor has actually talked to about being happy, and how he's so certain that they aren't?!?

    Mind you, with his attitude, I can see any gay person he's met coming across as being a little cranky - can't you?

    We have our resident mom here - BeckyG - who is active in her local PFLAG group. Becky might be able to help provide you with literature that your mom might find helpful. You'd likely benefit from getting out and meeting other LGBT people as well - just to know that you're not alone in this homophobic world.

    And that pastor - man, that's bugging me. Does he know you're gay? Does he have absolutely no respect for you? I'd find another church to go to if I were you. Being gay doesn't mean you can't practice your faith - it just means that you have to find others that are more open minded and accepting than those at your current church.
     
  5. Lexington

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    I love this bit. "Ask any gay person if they are happy with thier lives, and though they may say that they are, they are not." So if you don't get the answer you were hoping for, they're obviously just mistaken? :grin: If homosexual people are so miserable, why is it that the term "gay" (you know, as in "happy") came to be applied to them?

    Don't sweat your pastor. Your mother might be the bigger problem, as you're stuck with her a lot more often. Do reassure her that your homosexuality has NOTHING at all to do with her. Remind her that you love her, and that you'd never do anything to purposely hurt her. Your homosexuality is something YOU'RE dealing with, and you let her know simply because you believe she has the right to know.

    Lex
     
  6. KaraBulut

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    There's an old joke that the problem with alot of Baptists is that they don't hold their heads under the water long enough.

    The sad truth is that many of the Baptist churches- particular the Southern Baptists- have taken a very negative stance on just about everything. Many of the sermons that I've heard from Baptist pulpits seem to focus on telling people how they should NOT live their lives instead of focusing on how they SHOULD live their lives. But in a sect where they teach that everyone is a sinner and only Baptists hold the "truth", there's not a lot of room for a more positive outlook on normal human sexuality.

    You're at an age now where you can begin to make choices about where and with whom you want to worship. There are other faiths like Unitarians, United Church of Christ (UCC) and Metropolitan Community Churches (MCC) that are welcoming to all people. It might be time for you to find a church that welcomes gay members.
     
  7. Wander

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    I feel a little odd. My parents are both southern Baptists and they're nothing like what most of the rest seem like. I do remember though, back when I attended church, the pastor focused more on how pitiful humans are and all the things we should avoid, but never mentioned the things we should do.
     
  8. BadAndy

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    I was raised in a Southern Baptist church. Our sermons mostly focused on bashing other religions, paying tithes, or how you're going to hell. I'm not saying all Southern Baptist churches are like this but it doesn't seem like the nicest of the denominations. Try asking your mom if it would be okay if you went to a different church if she insists you go. Maybe she won't have a problem with it just so long as you are attending one in general.
     
  9. Lacri

    Lacri Guest

    Yeah maybe she will let me go to a different church, but I doubt it. I hope anyone that read my comment did not think I was trying to say rude things about church or even religon. I was not trying to be rude; just thought I'd throw that out there. Yeah but a few people said that oh I wouldn't go. Do you think I am able to refuse this? My mom already told me if I stay gay that I will be kicked out of her house. Oh and btw, the pastor does no I'm gay. Needless to say that it is really akward between us.
     
  10. Lexington

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    If you stay gay? Are you on a timeline to get that cleared up or something?

    Lex
     
  11. beckyg

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    At the top of this section under PFLAG publications there is a brochure called Faith in our Families that could be helpful for your Mom to read as well as the Your Daughters and Sons. There is a book called Prayers for Bobby that is very powerful. This book is about a strong Christian woman who prayed devoutly for her gay son to change. He ended up jumping from an overpass in front of a moving truck. She now goes all over the country urging parents to love and accept their children as they are. I will send these brochures to you if you want or you can download and print them. Your mom really needs to read them. The book can be ordered from Amazon.com or probably purchased at Barnes and Noble.
     
  12. Jim1454

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    Lacri: (*hug*)

    I certainly didn't take any offense from your original post. It sounds to me like you don't really fit into your church, and that's not your fault - it's your church's fault! So I would think it might be appropriate for you to find another church that can be more accepting.

    The fact of the matter is you're not about to change from being gay. Your mom can continue to kid herself that you're going to change - but you're not going to. Providing her with some literature would be a great idea.

    I would think that the best thing you can do is to take the high road and rise above all of this. I know that's much easier said than done when you're 16 - or any age really. You shouldn't have to be exposed to such hostile opinions. But if you do have to be, don't let them get to you. Like water off a duck's back, let all that hostility roll off you - and remember that you're no less a person than anyone else at that church. In fact, I'd say you're better. You're developing a real understanding of who you are, and you're developing an openess and acceptance of people that are 'different' that you're fellow church-goers haven't been able to do.

    I'd also suggest a suppport group of some kind. And if nothing else, just hang out here in EC, because we love you just the way you are!!!
     
  13. beckyg

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    Yes we do! It's not such an easy thing to do to break away from your parents at 16 years of age and go to another church. Maybe when you are older you will be able to do that but you can always come here and find support and comfort knowing that you have friends here who DO care about you. You can always be who you are here and never have to hide or pretend or be somebody you are not.
     
  14. Lacri

    Lacri Guest

    Oh thanks guys! Yeah my mom doesn't really know that I go to this site. Anything that has homosexuality in it she won't allow. Movies, music, websites....as soon as she finds out that there is homosexuality involved in anything it is forbidden. My friend's mom is a lesbian, and she is really helpful, and other friends at school are, but even if everyone in the world accepted me, it wouldn't be the same as if she accepted me. I feel like she doesn't love me sometimes...
     
  15. Jim1454

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    (*hug*)

    I'm sure she loves you, but her way of showing it is by trying to save you from yourself! Maybe you need to tell her that you feel that way when she brings this topic up again?
     
  16. beckyg

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    Oh that makes me cry. (*hug*) You really do need to say that to her. You know all this stuff she' saying to you comes from years and years of brainwashing from her church. She doesn't know any better. Try to remember that when she's on her religion kick. (*hug*)