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The best time to come out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by FucSoc, Jul 22, 2013.

  1. FucSoc

    FucSoc Guest

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    I heard about people who think they should come out after high school.
    I have 2 years to spend in high school and I would probably want to come out at some point.
    Do you think I should wait those two years after I get out from high school and then come out?
    I have some people who are homophobic at my school, but there are also people who really supportive. I just don't want to be at age 20+ when i come out, I think sooner the better. So what do you think? is it really matter if I come out when i'm still in high school?
     
    #1 FucSoc, Jul 22, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2013
  2. Goodnyte

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    You come out, when you are ready to come out. If you are ready to come out now, do it. If you want to wait those 2 years, okay. It all depends on you and when you are ready. That is when those people were ready. That doesn't mean it is the right path for you.
     
  3. Fiddledeedee

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    There will are homophobic people almost everywhere. If your highschool doesn't have too many, and has supportive (or even apathetic) people, then if/when you want to and are ready to come out, go for it! It may also give you a better chance of a girlfriend at some point. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: As Goodnyte said, though, the best time to come out is when you're ready to come out. Coming out before you're ready is harder and more painful and generally not so good, and coming out after you're ready leads to time spent trapped in a closet you want to discard.
     
  4. Littlemonkey

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    ok, so I'm not out yet, so I might not be the best person to give advice as in when, but I can tell you how I feel now at 24 still being in.

    Of course you have to come out when you're ready. But if it was possible to plan it ....
    I would have come out after high school, to prevent people saying "it’s a fase" and so that I knew for sure. But also before I got a permanent job. I've been at the same company for 3 years now, and just the thought of having the whole company know that I've "turned gay" when they've always known the "straight" me is just killing.
     
  5. FucSoc

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    thanks for your answers
    of course i'll come out only if i'm ready and feel enough comfortable with myself. But I hear all kinds of stories about people who bullied at school because of their sexual orientation.. so it makes me wonder if its better not to come out at high school at all
     
  6. Goodnyte

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    Those stories come from places that have many or just powerful homophobes. If your school isn't like that then it shouldn't happen. Yes, people may bug you, but if your school doesn't have a million homophobes, or a few powerful ones, don't stress the stories.
     
  7. FucSoc

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    you right, thank you :slight_smile:
    I think the thing that scare me the most about coming out to my highschool, is the fact that the girl that I have crush on will know that i'm not straight. We don't really friends and I don't want her to think about me bad things ><' I don't want her to be one of those kids who may bug me
     
  8. Gazza123

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    You come when you're ready and its up to you who you tell and how and where you do it. I did it by text which was the only way I felt comfortable.

    Just know this

    "There is right time to come out" now that isn't a bad thing. I'm just saying that you gotta do when you feel most comfortable but trust me, those thoughts of "maybe I should wait?" will pop into your head but you just gotta ignore them.

    Basically do it when your ready

    (I'm sure my advice is muddled in there somewhere HaHa!)
     
  9. Fiddledeedee

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    Sounds good. :slight_smile:

    Conversely, there are stories like mine where there are no instances of bullying or name-calling or even a bad look. It really depends on your school; you have to use your judgement. As long as the people you generally hang out with will be cool with it, it shouldn't matter too much if others are homophobic, but I really really hope they aren't.

    Ah, I see. Not a fun worry. But if she bullies you, then perhaps it'd be best to find a new crush. (I know that isn't as easy to do as to write.) If she doesn't, hey, you could be in with a chance!
     
  10. AudreyMarie

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    Don't let those who are narrowminded determine when you are ready to come out. Come out when YOU feel comfortable and it feels right. I made that sad mistake and 12 years later I had went through the wrong puberty and have to do twice as much work to correct things.
     
  11. Choirboy

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    I am just starting the process at 51 so I'm not sure I should even be commenting! But it reminds me of the time I was talking gardening with my uncle, and asked him when the best time was to split hostas (thinking there was a right time of the year to do it). He replied, "When your shovel is sharp". Meaning, of course, whenever the time is right for you. While I certainly wouldn't encourage anyone to wait as long as I have, I also think that coming out before you are emotionally ready to deal with it is probably not the best thing either. High school was a horrible time for me, and the abuse I got for being too fat, too smart and too geeky pushed me so far into my shell that adding "too gay" on top of it would have been devastating. You can be out to a few trusted people without necessarily being out to the world until you're confident you can deal with whatever fallout there might be. It's your life and your timetable. Do it when you feel confident that you can handle it, and not before.
     
  12. gavguy

    gavguy Guest

    This would depend on many factors and if you don't feel that the time is right then don't, you have to do it when you feel totally comfortable doing it and know that you have the love and support around you.
    You will know when the time is right and don't let peer pressure for you to do this at any point, if people are homophobic then that's their problem and not yours.
    If these are friends then they are not the true friends you though they were so I would give them a wide berth.
    Feel comfortable with yourself, accept who you are and if the support is there and you feel the time is right then go for it.
    I wish you the very best of luck