What's the point?

Yes, it is very important. Many people aren't truly happy, or sometimes depressed until they leave the closet.

 

It's not necessary to ever come out, technically, but it's helpful to do so for one's mental and emotional health.

The point of coming out is so that people don't assume you'll end up dating a girl one day, in your case, as you might end up with a guy instead, in simplistic terms. That's the crux of it all, really. It can be oppressive to stay in the closet and not let anyone else know, and oppression is bad for one's wellbeing.

 

For many people, coming out is about being a more authentic version of themself. It feels wonderful to know that the people around you know and love every part of you, even the parts clothed in rainbow flags. It can also be really nice to not have to censor your language when you speak about what you're feeling/thinking.

Coming out is really about being more comfortable. If someone feels like they don't have a reason to come out, like they can't see the point, or like it wouldn't make them any more comfortable, then they shouldn't. It's completely a personal choice based on personal comfort.

 

For me the fear of having someone "out" me was more than the fear of coming out myself. There were many things I wanted to do but they were very risky while being in the closet. The main reasons I came out were honesty with my friends and family and freedom to do what I wanted.

 

Hi sweetie,

I'm going to give you a glimpse of my experience. I'm a straight woman and I have a gay friend that I love very much. He is the reason why I came to EC on the first place. We've known each other for more than 15 years, I knew he was gay for years but he came out to me only a year ago. The thing is, he wasn't out to me. He is a lovely, funny and out going person, but until he came out, every time the conversation turned around love or sexuality, or family life, or kids, he was closing up. He was uncomfortable talking about those things because he was gay and not out, and I was uncomfortable too because I knew he was gay and miserable because of this. It felt very much like we were on the two sides of a glass wall and that I wasn't able to reach out for him and comfort him.
When he came out last year, it was a huge relief, not only for him to be finally be able to be truly himself around his friends and family, but for me and the rest of our friends too. Now, we're not uncomfortable around each other, whatever the discussion is about. The glass wall is gone and I don't feel helpless anymore, when my friend needs comfort I can comfort him without watching every word I say. I love him just the way he is, and now, he knows that too and it makes things much better, for both of us.
You don't have to come out just yet, or if you don't feel ready for it, but I promise you that when you'll do, it will make things better.

Take care (*hug*) Cécile

 

Everyday for the next 70 years is a perpetual lie...

Mmmm, mmm, mmm... What a lovely life.

Doable, but is it practical and will it lead to happiness?

You are 14 this has only been an issue a few years at most. You won't be asking this question after a couple decades. Believe me.

 

Well,I think it makes you happy.You would live in depression if not,because you live a lie...

 

If you look at some of the other threads and how deeply in depression some are because they're in the closet, you can see the toll it takes. It's unhealthy, but there are practical reasons too, such as wanting to find a partner and not having to hide it or lie every time someone asks about your love life. A lot of times friendships are strengthened by coming out, as they respect your courage to do so. I think these days, unless you're in USSR or Uganda or stuck living with homophobes, the better question is what's the point staying in the closet?

 

I view coming out as something only necessary to those you're close with, and even then it's something you can take at your own pace. It is definitely a relief to tell someone, though. Admittedly I'm still in the process of doing this but I don't really feel rushed to do it.

I don't really plan on coming out to some people because I see it as wholly unnecessary. At my workplace I don't talk about my boyfriend, or most aspects of my personal life. I am not trying to "hide" but simply I feel it is completely irrelevant to all aspects of my job performance - it is not something any of my work colleagues need to know and I don't really see any point in telling them since I am not particularly close with any of them.

Coming out to a good friend and having them accept you, especially in person, is an amazing experience. Because of my coming out to some friends I am now in a committed relationship - so yes, it does make a difference.

Keep in mind who you do decide to come out to. You are only 14 and I'm assuming in some sort of school. Some intellectually challenged (or deeply closeted) individuals may want to give you a hard time for something like this, so be careful to first test the waters with someone you trust and someone you think would accept you.

 

I think, at the end of the day, I was never truly happy when I was fully in the closet. It gets very suffocating after a while, and I felt like I couldn't truly be myself.

To me, it's the biggest form of acceptance, and I knew when I finally said to someone 'I'm gay', I was happy with myself. I'm now happier than I've ever been, all my friends are supportive, and it's great. Now it's just my parents, but that's a whole other story.

I'm still partially in the closet (I'm not out to my parents yet), and I feel like I can't be myself while I'm a home. We rarely talk about guys/relationships anyway, but when we do, I feel like I'm lying to them. That's why I can't wait to go to Uni, because I can finally be myself all the time, not just around my friends.

It's a personal choice whether to come out, and when. But to me, I couldn't imagine being in the closet for a longer period than I was. It got to the stage, where as many people have said, where I was depressed because I couldn't say what I wanted to say. That changed when I told a load of my friends, and now I'm far happier.