After a long while I feel like I might be ready to come out! I was almost 100% out at my old school and it went so much better then I thought it would! It started out with me just telling a few close friends and eventually when people would ask I would just tell them the truth, and to my surprise people treated me no differently then anyone else; even the guys in my class thought I was cool/funny and still were friends with me regardless of my orientation! The problem (And the reason I was not out to anyone but the people in my class) is my family. Lets start with my brother, he goes to the same High School as me; and absolutely despises gay's. Recently he has come out of his "closet" and identified himself as an Asexual which my family took as a shock but loved him nonetheless, my dad joked about how he thought he was going to say he was gay and everyone laughed... but me. He is the sole reason I was not out that 100%, I knew if somehow word got to him he would tell my parent's and I wasn't ready for that. Thus, everyone I told (Who he knew) I made sure to keep it low-key. I'm afraid if I come out he will look down or in disgust upon me, for sibling's we get along fine and I wouldn't want to put that at risk. Next is my Mother, she works endlessly as a hairdresser making minimal amounts of money but supplies our home with love and happiness. Me and her are very close, we talk to each other about everything and go everywhere together. She tells me that her biggest dream is to be the greatest grandma, however I don't like kid's and I am gay... I am under the assumption she knows but is keeping it a secret from me, one time I was careless with my browsing and forgot to delete my history and she found my "Collection" when I was away at camp. When I got back she brought me to her room and asked me if I was gay and looked as if she was going to cry (Holding her heart and sobbing.. Stuff like that). I told her "N-No... Why?" and she told me about how she had found the "Collection" on the computer and I quickly told her it was an internet virus I had gotten a while ago. I remember the last thing she said to me when I was walking out was "Sweetie it hurts me to think you are gay, but I would still love you even if you were". I want to tell her more then anything, because I know that no matter what I could always count on her.. But she is the biggest "Blabber Mouth" I have ever met, even when I say "DON'T TELL DAD" she still tells him.. Which makes me have trust issues against her.. Finally we have my Dad, the "Straight or Brake" kinda guy. He had a tough time accepting my Asexual brother but that's different then gay views, because he isn't "Screwing another guy". When California finally allowed gay marriage he had to change channel's half-way through because he doesn't believe that it's biblically correct. Once he found out about my "Collection" from my mom he didn't talk to me for a week, then when she told him that it was an "internet virus" he laughed it off and acted like nothing ever happened. The problem with him is that he is very stereotypical and condecending (Very Anti-Gay), we saw a gay couple a few doors down when we were staying at the hotel and he joked about how gays vacation for sex and that's what the Handicap stall is for, and that felt like I got stabbed in my heart. I am conflicted on whether or not to tell him and I am kinda weighing my options with him.. (What do you think) I feel stuck, like my whole life has been a Roleplay in which I had to play someone who I am not... I just want to finally express who I really am and start a new chapter in my life.. But I just don't know if now is the time.. What do I do?.. "Once upon a time there was light in my life, now there's only love in the dark, there's nothing I can do, a Total Eclipse of the Heart" -Bonnie Tyler
The most important thing to think about is your own safety. Are you afraid your family would harm you for being gay? if that is the case, you should be very careful. If you think you will get kicked out of the house, it's a good idea to wait until you are financially independent. If you aren't afraid you will be harmed in any way, then coming out might help your family accept gays. A lot of people are intolerant because they have never been exposed to homosexuality. Realizing that a gay person can be totally normal can often go a long way towards curing someone of homophobia. Of course, there's no guarantee. You need to weigh what you can gain by coming out (no more lying) with what you can lose (family support). What matters most to you?
You say you really want to do it, but don't know if now is the time. Well, what will change between now and another time? You are still going to come out to your family, right? Knee-jerk reaction here: - Your brother may be gay himself--I'm sure you've considered this. Someone who despises gays, but then comes out as Asexual - is that a way for him to deal with unwanted gay feelings. Is he older or younger? - Your Mom sounds like a no-brainer to come out to. She will love you as she said, and the sooner you let her know, the more quickly she can get over the worry and initial disappointement re. her expectations for your future wife and kids. I'd bet you will remain very close as you are now, if not closer. - Your Dad. So Mom's a blabbermouth and that'll probably only give you limited time even after you ask her to not tell. But he's mostly ignorant. If he's joking about gays vacationing for sex, but then can't deal with gay marriage...well which is it? He really hasn't given any thought to it, and when you come out there will be a lot for him to learn and accept. So you may have a bumpy road with him, but he loves you, right? And you want to be out, right?
I don't think anyone in my family would harm me, emotionally they could; but physically no. Being kicked out however, strong possibility with my father; however for me, being kicked out would be a relief, I don't even want to go over there I go because my mother talks me into it. My family isn't really homophobic per say, they are just so christian and live there life's by the bible so much that they believe that gays are detested by god and are going to hell (Did god make me gay, just so he could send me to hell? Doubt it). All I really want is to be accepted by my family and be able to finally express who I am, however I don't think that is how it is going to work. :/ ------------------------------------------------ What would change would be the number of year's wasted, the number of years that I would have to hide myself from the world and prevent myself from being happy. I am living the most uncomfortable lie within a christian family and I hate myself everyday because of it. I have asked out several guys but they all declined since I was not out, and that they didn't want to "Repeat the year's they were in the closet". I feel like I am putting my life on hold just because I am afraid of what other people think, and I don't like it. I want my first kiss to be with a man who I love, not a woman who I will never love. He is older by one year (Im 16, he is 17), I honestly believe he is an asexual; he has never (not even once in his life) ever had any feelings for men or woman, he refuses to dress nice, brush his hair or teeth (Gross right!) or wear deodorant because he just HATES people and want's to keep them away, his best friend is the computer and the nerd's at school who love video games as much as him. If he was gay, he is a damn good hider. I would come out to her but I just don't want anyone else to know until I feel like they are ready. I know it will hurt her at first but she is going to have to accept that I like men sooner or later, and I know regardless she will still love me. The dilemma though, is I don't want my dad to know; and I don't want to hurt her. :/ He is probably homophobic in a way, I agree that he is ignorant when it comes to information he doesn't want to hear; the problem is unless you make up an excuse for why there was a "gay collection" on your computer he will ignore you until you assure him it wasn't you. I feel like if he found out he would dump me onto my mom full-time and keep me away since he doesn't want to have a homosexual for a son.. I want more then to come out so I can breakaway from this shell but... I don't know.. :icon_sad:
Honestly, I would probably wait until I was at least 18 and graduated from high school. I know that it seems like a long time now, but your options are so, so much greater after you have your high school diploma. And the reality is that 2 years, at your age, aren't going to matter much. I know that you may not like living there, but you are financially dependent upon them.
could it get that bad when your family would kick you out? I thought your family loves you unconditionally and no matter what, but if this is the case if it happens to some people then it is really sad.
-But then I still have to go to Collage and pay off student loans and... You get the picture, Ill be financially dependent on them until I am like 24-25 unless I choose to go to JC and get my Sonogram Tech/ Physical therapy licence or degree.. Then I will be making 50-75k a year and I will hopefully be able to transfer to 4 year and be making good money on my own.
