I read quite a few posts, but saw nothing that was really germane to my situation. I am living in a lot of confusion at the moment. Everywhere I see, I'm told that not being 100% open and honest leads to depression and apathy and so on. I'm depressed as it is, though, and wondering if coming out to my parents could help with that. I'm almost 26, and recently moved back in with my parents after years of studying away from home, to recover from depression and get my life back on track. I'm not out to my parents. I'm sure they know I'm gay, though. I just don't want to open up to them about anything. Though they've given me everything materially, they've always been emotionally absent, and I don't have any sort of real connection to them. I'm out to everyone else in my life, and have never lied about it, or otherwise dissimulated it (dating women, for instance). Moreover, this isn't the only part of myself I haven't talked to them about (my atheism, for instance). Another reason I've been thinking about this is that I've started seeing a guy recently, and have had to lie as to what exactly I'm doing or where I'm going. Really though, I can't see it being different if I were straight and seeing a girl, or if I were still living alone, whereupon I wouldn't have said anything (as I've done in the past). Is it my responsibility as a gay man to come out to them? Do I have a right to keep this part of my life to myself? Can I really expect opening up to change things between us, when they keep treating me as a child in other regards? More alarmingly, do I harbour some internalized homophobic thoughts? How can I know if I'm really 100% okay with being gay? Thanks for reading, and for any advice you might have for me!
Inner conflict can of course cause depression. I can't say that tell your parents will make you feel 100% better but if you know they'll be accepting then knowing someone cares can help. Sorry that's all I got
Hey, thanks for your replies: skiff: I don't really know if it's part of it. I'd say that my depression is more about other things, notably a search meaning and purpose. malachite: Right, I understand that that sort of acceptance could help. I just feel uneasy about this. On the one hand, there might be a chance they would reject me, and as I'm materially dependent on them, I don't want to "rock the boat" AT ALL. On the other hand, I feel like I don't want acceptance or genuine care from them. I think I feel like if they feel like that, then I would need to feel the same towards them. And as I don't really like them as people, or feel comfortable with them at the very least, that's not something I can deal with. Maybe there's also the fact that I don't feel like I deserve acceptance and care from them? I don't know.
I think you have every right to keep this from them. Coming out always carries a risk of rejection. You are an adult and you don't have to tell them everything about your life. However, if you think they would be okay with it and that it would help with your depression to be open and honest then that might be a good idea. I don't know though, parents are tricky and I think they are the hardest people to come out to.
Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I think that I just feel guilty for not wanting to have a proper relationship with them. Guilty, because "society" tells us that we should have good, open relationships with our parents, notably when they have been "good," providing parents. They never abused me or anything, and they provided with everything materially. Still, they feel like strangers I'm forced to live with and be nice to, especially since I'm still dependent on them, for the time being. Perhaps once I'm more independent, things will be easier.
