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Fluctuating confidence.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Formality, Jul 24, 2013.

  1. Formality

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    So I've been having fluctuating confidence recently. At night when I'm In bed thinking I'm always so confident telling myself "I'll come out to mom tomorrow" the next day I think about telling her, but somehow my mind just locks. Like I... I just can't tell her it's like even thinking about it just feels so absurd. How people..? How do I come out to her? I think about blurting it out but even that is impossible. My brain just freezes whenever I get a chance at coming out.. Ugh.. Hard.
     
  2. CuriousBunny

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    I think that the best thing to do in this situation would be to come out in a different way, perhaps with a letter.
     
  3. Formality

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    Thing is I don't want her getting overly emotional. I just want her and the rest of my family and friends to know. A letter seems like it would make things emotional. I feel like if I'm there telling her I can control the situation and make sure it doesn't get emotional. Problem is the whole brain-poop ordeal every time it's go time.
     
  4. The Dude

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    This happens to me. I have come out to my friends and my brothers and have had nothing but support. It's been a tremendous relief. I even made a thread a few weeks ago about how I'm finally feeling better about myself.

    Then last Friday night I felt absolutely ashamed of myself and embarrassed. I got really depressed, stayed up all night and felt like absolute shit. Fortunately for me, I was able to text a buddy of mine and tell him how I am feeling, and talking about it helped a lot. Also my older brothers best friend is gay, and talking with him has helped a lot. I'm confident when I am alone about it, but not in front of other people.

    My point is, for me, confidence is growing but I still have bad days. I gotta tell my parents soon, in the next month before I go back to college, so I am battling against the clock. But coming out to my friends took a few tries and was totally worth it. Keep trying and when you finally do, you'll get the support you need and your confidence will grow and grow, I promise.

    I have no advice for how to do it, but just motivation that once it is done you'll feel so much better.

    Feel free to send me a message if you wanna talk buddy.
     
  5. blueberrymuffin

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    It may help to have something to fall back on, in case you can't get it out. "I have something important to tell you.....I'm gay" (or insert something unrelated). The reason for this is it's hard and maybe even inconsiderate to just blurt out "I'm gay" out of nowhere, but also if you don't have a backup then you might be too nervous to ever go for it.
     
  6. Batman is swag

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    If it makes you feel any better, I just read the title of this post as "Flatulating Cupcakes"... (it's four in the morning, so...)
     
  7. gavguy

    gavguy Guest

    Fluctuating confidence is something which I am very aware of, I think a lot of people do think about situations especially when they are in bed and at that moment your confidence is a lot stronger, but the next day is something completely different and the confidence has gone.
    It's very weird why this happens but you are not alone having these sort of feelings.
    It's only by talking about your fears and problems that you manage to gain confidence and move forward in life, that's why EC is a great place for this support which is so helpful.
    You will know when the time is right to tell people, which is the time that you have fully accepted yourself, you have the support around you and to know that whatever happens then you will have us around to talk to.
    Don't rush into anything, and only do things in your own pace.
     
  8. KyleD

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    Maybe you could do it over the phone?
     
  9. Formality

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    Thanks for the support everyone :slight_smile:
    I try to motivate myself by thinking about how much better life will be after my coming out. I saw a gay couple on the town today and both of them looked so happy. It really got me thinking. I could have that but instead I waste my time because of the fears in my head.

    KyleD I want to do it in person but whenever I try I just can't do it. Over the phone would be weird since the next time I see her it will be crazy awkward. I'd rather just tell her in person since I don't think she'll make such a big deal about it anyways. I'm just scared since as soon as I tell her I'm gonna have to tell the rest of my family.
     
  10. Amerigo

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    how about at night?

    and you don't have to tell your family if you don't want to, yet. i'm sure your mother would understand that :slight_smile:
     
  11. Formality

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    Wake her up and whisper that I'm gay..? She'll probably just think it's a dream ;s
     
  12. Formality

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    Chickened out again today even though it was the perfect moment. I'm startin to think this is never going to happen. What's worse is I'm leaving in two weeks and won't see my family for months, I just want it out of my system. D: