First time with a guy - feeling confused.

Hi there!

Well, for starters, you mention 'intercourse' by which I assume you mean anal sex, specifically bottoming. If this is correct, then my first thought is that not all gay guys (or bi guys presumably) are into anal and you might be one of these. While many guys apparently think anal is the best thing ever (not too mention thinking that anal sex is the only 'real' sex which is utter nonsense), some don't get that much out of it, and some actively dislike it.

I would suggest that you

a) Explore some of the other activities you can do with a guy such as kissing, cuddling/body contact (which you already mention liking), touching, mutual masturbation, oral, toys, etc., etc.

b) Explore anal again, but with a different guy(s). It's possible that the guy you were with had a style that wasn't compatible with your own or just wasn't that good. You might find that someone else 'clicks' with you better. Or that you really just aren't that into anal, period.

Beyond that, I wouldn't let this stress you out. You're still learning and there's plenty of time for that. Besides, stress and anxiety can interfere with your pleasure in subsequent encounters, thereby adding to them. So just relax and go with the flow.

Hope this helps,

Todd

 

You don't really specify whether you topped or bottomed you should try both to see which suites you. Or it could be there was not intimacy since it was NSA sex.

 

Gay sex for me was an acquired taste...sort of like caviar.

It's the kind of thing you need to learn to enjoy, there's a certain amount of skill involved to make it work. You said you liked the cuddling part, that's a good sign that you're on the right track. The old cliché, it takes two to tango is very true, his skill is just as important, and the first time with someone can often be awkward.

Next time, take your time. Bring some erotic imagination into the bedroom with you, because the mind is the most important sex organ and the path to sexual release is often the more important part of the journey...

 

This is what I always tell my bi curious friends. Since you are doing it for the first time do it with someone "you like" not just any random guy/girl. So you wouldn't feel like rushed or resent it after. You mentioned about falling in love with a guy and cuddling. Don't you think that the emotional connection must come first before sex for you to enjoy the sex part? I just asked because intimacy doesn't always equal sex. Just a thought because you enjoyed the cuddling part more than the sex part

 

ok so you have a problem if you liked it then its fine but if you only like it a bit then its not fair to go out with a boy but not really like it is it but ye i now where your coming from i like to snuggle up to my bf on the sofa but if your going to do that you need to like it all (sorry about the spelling) (!)(*hug*)

 

Hi Adam123, I sort of feel the same way. Going from my feelings I'm pretty sure I'm mostly attracted to guys, but I have experimented a bit and... I didn't really enjoy the sex for the most part.

I know visually I'm very attracted to guys, emotionally and mentally I'm very attracted to guys, but when I've experimented physically, it was a bit disappointing to be honest... I enjoyed us being naked together, but it's as if my little soldier abandoned me when I asked him to step up and fight if you see what I mean. He did the job, but he didn't seem to enjoy it... I liked making my partner happy, but it didn't blow my mind personally. I much preferred him holding me, hugging, cuddling and when we danced together to the actual sex.

I was thinking maybe there's something wrong with me and I'm a little depressed & confused about it TBH.

 

Like the poster above, I feel like sex just doesn't do it for me. Some people just don't like sexual activities, but do enjoy cuddling, etc.

If you want a specific term, you could be asexual, and if you enjoyed sex with a female before, you could be homoromantic heterosexual. Or maybe you were nervous before.

Not wanting sex may prove to be a problem for a relationship in the long run. You just need to find someone who's understanding or even asexual. I suggest giving it some more time before deciding anything, and sleeping with another guy sounds like a bad idea.

 

It's normal to not really enjoy sex. I prefer cuddling and kissing as well c:

 

You don't sound really conflicted to me. It just sounds like you're not going to be satisfied with a hook up. I'm the same way. I like cuddling with dudes, but sexual acts with them are less than pleasurable for me because I don't have the emotional connection I want. So I would encourage you to avoid sex now that you've done it and see how you feel about it once you've actually connected with the person (5-8 dates down the road) Then it should make you a feel a lot more complete. You said it yourself that you can only see yourself with a guy, so why would you expect to feel the pleasure when you're attracted to everything else they have to offer. You need to be with someone you really really like. Same as myself. And then you should feel like you're cuddling when you're going all the way

 

You didn't not enjoy the sex because it's gay sex, you didn't enjoy it because when you're young you're not very good at it. You don't know what makes you feel good, and you don't have much experience at making other people feel good.

It (sex) gets better, much much better as you get older.

I totally know what you mean about the cuddling, that's the nicest thing with dudes; holding (or being held) a guy in your arms, best thing in the world.

 

You don't have to label yourself just enjoy life and take everything in your stride day by day and have fun whether it's with a guy, girl or just a friend (I don't mean sex when I say fun)