!!! Help !!! Newbie family Problems. From "Kumbaya" to Evil Haters

Hi all,

We need your advice.

BACKGROUND

5 sisters in their 50’s, parents in their 80’s. Great family, very close, never any interaction problems.
2 years ago, a sister (we will call her Suzy) leaves her seemingly terrific husband (we will call him Fred) of 30 years for a gay women (we will call her Mary). Suzy has been having an affair with Mary for 6 months. Suzy leaves Fred (Fred has a terrific personality and makes over $50k a month), Suzy moves in with her lover Mary. Suzy has several adult children, the youngest away at college.
None of us had any idea that Suzy and Fred were not happy.

Suzy tells the family she is leaving Fred to live with Mary. The family explodes with anger and rallies around Fred. Invites Fred to holidays (Fred was never very involved before).

I am the husband of the only sister that supports Suzy. I am also very supportive of Suzy.

This has gone along now for nearly 2 years. It is tiresome and no fun from myself, or my wife, to interact with these haters.

The 3 sisters and the mom whom object (the haters), say it is not a gay issue, they say it is an infidelity issue. They will talk on and on about how great a guy Fred is, and how wrong Suzy was to leave him. What a horrible thing she is doing to the children. They will say things like “I just can't seem to get over this”. “ I am not comfortable supporting this wrong”.

Anyway, my life experience mental play book says. Be patient. Set the example. They will come around.

Now my wife and I are thinking. Distance ourselves from these haters. This is painful. This family that was so “kumbaya” great, is now broken forever.

I have seen many angry problem family's. This family that was so Kumbaya. It was amazing. It is hard to watch it whither.

??? What do you all suggest ???

!!! Thanks in Advance !!!

 

The reason for the post… a few years back the 80+ year old mom had a medical procedure to stop a tumor growth. All the sisters’ kumbaya’d together and smiled through the worry and responsibility of major operation and lengthy recovery.

Now, a few years later, the tumor growth is back, and a similar major operation and recovery is on the immediate horizon. The two sisters that were most involved, and are by far and away best able to tackle the task, are my wife and Suzy. My wife is furious that the sisters and mom are not accepting of Suzy. Suzy is trying her best to take it all in stride. The 3 other sisters are furious at my wife’s attitude that they should accept Suzy’s change of lifestyle decisions. The “attend daily mass” and “sing in the choir” mom has serious problems accepting the lifestyle change experience, and has repeatedly stated… “more time is needed to accept it”.

My feelings are, Suzy has always been a level headed kind soul that has given and given to the prior family Kumbaya experience. We all make mistakes and divorce can be ugly. Suzy is level headed and intelligent, and would not make the decision to leave Fred for Mary without careful consideration. Suzy, by far and away, deserves to be accepted, unconditionally. I do not believe that the 3 sisters and mom are gay friendly. On the contrary, I believe that the “coming out” gay issue is the core of their acceptance objections.

That is why I am posting here. I envisioned that this type of issue is not uncommon in the gay community, and that you all would be best able to share the do’s and don’ts of family Kumbaya recovery.

!!! Thanks for your advice and sharing !!!