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My son has told me he is bisexual

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by lexiloulou, Jul 25, 2013.

  1. lexiloulou

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    Last night my son (15) told me by text he is bisexual ( he has been visiting family) he wanted to know what I thought. My answer was, if you are happy then I am okay with it, from the moment you were born you stole my heart and nothing will ever change that. The problem is I am not sure my husband will be as accepting, and my son senses this too because he asked what I thought my husband would say. My husband has said not one of his sons, when having a gay child has come up. So I am not sure how to handle it, my son wants to be open but I am nervous of what my husband will say to him.

    I have two sons whom I love unconditionally and who make me proud every single day. I need some advice on how to handle my husband so my son doesn't get hurt!
    thanks
     
  2. flight

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    First off, hats off to you for being so supportive.

    It might get heated between you and your husband if one supports your son and the other parent doesn't.

    What does your husband have against gay people? It's easier for us to help find solutions if we know what the causes are behind the problem. Tell us what makes you and your son feel like your husband won't be as accepting.

    Welcome to EC!
     
  3. BadCanadaJoke

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    Well, I have observed that,usually,unless the parent is a really passionate anti-gay person they usually get over it.

    What you should actually watch is the relationship between your husband and your son.
    Is it an all-loving father-son relationship or are they fighting all the time,not getting along..? Because usually parents who have a good relationship with their kids and love them unconditionally ( good for you by the way!) are the ones who can come to terms with their kids' homosexuality. Of course being super conservative plays a huge role but not the biggest one.

    What I mean is that you should take a cold hard look on the relationship between them. If it's already turbulent,revealing sth like that could make it even worse.

    On the other hand if your son and husband are in good terms with each other and your husband isn't completely hateful of gay people, in general, chances are that even if he can't accept it at first he will eventually come to terms with it. Dan Savage has debated that usually parents need about 3 months. If you trust that he can deal with it at this point,that's the time you should both give him.

    Coming out can sometimes really affect your relationship with friends and family so moving with caution is best. To not be very optimistic or pessimistic. But realistic.

    Give my congratulations to your son for his courage and for coming out. Also to you for being this accepting and good luck:slight_smile:)

    John
     
  4. SaleGayGuy

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    Hi Lexiloulou

    Welcome to Empty Closets, I am sorry I can’t offer any advice relating to your situation because I don’t have any kids, but you have come to the right place for advice. I joined this site earlier this year and have been overwhelmed by the support given by others and I am almost 100% sure that you are not the only parent on here looking for advice. If you have not already come across PFLAG PFLAG: Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays you should check them out also.

    What has really surprised me as a 53 year old, who came to the party late, is the helpful, and very often mature, comments and advice of the younger generation. So whilst this site does have a section for older people I have learnt much from those in the younger section.

    As you read more on this site you will come across many stories from young teens who were initially worried about what their parents would say because they thought they were anti-gay, but vast majority have found out that once they have come out their parents the parents attitude changes.

    This is a great site, perhaps you could encourage your son to join as I am sure he will appreciate the advice, and since all users are anonymous you could both be on here looking for advice without knowing the others adentity.

    Sale Gay Guy
     
  5. lexiloulou

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    Thanks so much for all the kind words and support. I think I need to sit down with my husband and discuss things with him alone. I would be frightened of him saying something stupid and hurtful in the heat of the moment that might jeopardize their relationship.
    Will keep you posted
    Many Thanks:icon_bigg
     
  6. bscott92

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    I think it's always harder for a father having a gay son than a mother. Fathers have ideas of what their sons should be and they don't think those things can be accomplished if they're gay. Obviously that isn't true. It might be best for you to sit down with your husband alone to soften the blow when he talks to your son. Like others have said, when the initial shock wears off, parents generally decide that they love their kids no matter what. Good luck with your husband.