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Traumatic experience

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by KyleD, Jul 27, 2013.

  1. KyleD

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    When my mother found out I might be gay around 12/13 she was really upset and tried to change me. In the vulnerable position I was in at the time (my parents are very controlling) I played along with it and pretended to be straight. The whole experience has been very traumatic for me. I live in a very homophobic society and it's tough to keep pretending. I am now 26 and I'm finally coming to terms with my sexual orientation having denied it for the past 13 to 14 years. Despite me coming to terms with who I am, the experiences I've had when I was 12/13 has deeply affected me and I don't think I've really dealt with it properly. How can I put my past behind me and become myself again?
     
  2. HeyBeard

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    I honestly had the same problem, and just kinda pretended to be straight all through high school. It kinda sucked, but I was good at it and had everyone fooled. It really got to me during my first year of college though, this is when I came out to my group of close friends...and they all took it as well as it could be taken. I slowly gained more confidence in my sexuality and basically began living by the, "Fuck all of the negative opinions" lifestyle haha. As bad as it sounds, I filtered out the negative people...one even being my dad for a couple weeks...and it made the acceptance part so much easier. Now I am out to everyone and couldn't feel better about talking to anyone about my sexuality...even my parents, who took forever to accept me. In short, I just suggest that you ignore or leave behind the negative people until they realize what they are missing...then they will see that losing you was not worth all of the struggle. And it will also help you boost that confidence up :slight_smile: Sorry if this was all a bit confusing, but good luck with your endeavors and let me know how it goes !
     
  3. KyleD

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    Thanks a lot. Your post is very encouraging and gives me hope. I wish I can get to the stage you are at one day. The unfortunate thing is that people here are not really accepting of gay people. There is a lot of fear and hatred here. Coming out will change my life significantly and not in a good way.

     
  4. questionable

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    Hmm... My mom also found out that I could be possible gay when I was in my early 12 but she isn't doubting that much yet until I reached 14(which is my age now,turning 15 soon) she spies my activities when I'm with a guy. Well I followed what she said to become straight but NO I just threw that away in the trash :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I just accept myself that I'm bisexual or maybe gay... If you tried to change your sexuality trust me everybody here will say that you CAN'T change yourself being bi/gay is a part of your personality and you need to accept that within yourself. I just had troubles of accepting myself because of my mom who won't accept me if I would become bi/gay. Just disregard that, its not your problem its hers... Just give her time to accept and realize that what she did of rejecting you is not good. You'll just stress yourself if you keep on pretending to be someone else... Just don't be showy if the people around you are homophobic :X
     
  5. dfiant

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    I think there would be quiet a few people who would identify with you on this.

    It's easy to just say 'It doesn't matter what you think of me, I am my own person.', but that doesn't work for everyone.

    I was outed when I was in high school as a 13 year old in 1981...to put it bluntly, the next 3 years I had the shit beat out of me almost every day.

    The questions are how independant are you? How dependant on your family are you? How easy would it be for you to settle in a new town, city or country?

    You have 2 options...confront the fear...the results are you will be rejected or embraced...even the most homophobic of parents change their tune when a gay child comes out.

    Or you can remove yourself from a bad environment and place yourself in a good environment.

    Everything will be just fine :wink:
     
  6. Bear101

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    If it was truly traumatic experience, see a trauma specialist. I got diagnosed last year with PTSD and seeing a trauma specialist has made all the difference in the world. It has literally kept me from killing myself. I'd recommend it to anyone with trauma in their background.
     
  7. KyleD

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    I don't think my parents will ever accept me though. Right now I've been shortlisted for a really good job out of town. I really hope I do get it because I'll be able to support myself financially and move out of my parents house. I've been thinking of leaving this country but that's more a long term thing. I'll consider seeing a trauma specialist.
     
  8. HeyBeard

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    My parents are both very Conservative Christians. I never thought they would actually accept me, but it's pretty crazy what people will go through if they actually love you. I can tell you from first hand experience that coming out seems like it will be so much worse when you haven't done it yet. Mostly because you think about how bad it could turn out. When it finally happens, you forget about the bad things and realize how much better it makes you feel :slight_smile:
     
  9. KyleD

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    I certainly hope so. This makes me feel a whole lot better. Thanks. :slight_smile:

     
  10. BiPenguin

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    I understand KyleD. I was in my second year of high school(1985) when I was found out and in return, I found myself only be locked in a room on a few occasions where I was beaten and raped in order to return me to Jesus. Totally destroyed me but it was a couple behind us(lesbian couple) who realised what was going on and they grounded me before I did something stupid.

    It took years to come to grasp with myself as I rejected my own feelings and lived the homophobic role play.

    It gets better.
     
  11. OhSOCurious

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    I know how you feel... When i was 14, my dad found out i was gay...
    He tried everything to change me. And it honestly almost worked... i was so miserable and was living a lie so my own father would hate me a little bit less. But my escape from it is not recommended... I ran away and found support from my mom. I was in a position much like yours but perhaps stricter, i was pulled out of school because i was getting support from my school's GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) and wouldn't let me leave the house, other then to go to church.
    I know how you feel and i do hope you endure and find peace in your life.
     
  12. KyleD

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    What a horrible story! You are very strong to overcome all of that. I am glad it gets better.



    ---------- Post added 28th Jul 2013 at 12:22 PM ----------

    I feel you. It awful when a parent tries to control you in such a way. I hope everything works out for you.