hey guys, I just unloaded the biggest bombshell to my parents on wednesday and finding it very difficult to cope at the moment. the storys really complicated but ill give the cliff notes version: im 22 just finished uni (graduated a week ago), I always knew i was gay ever since i can remember but what really complicates things is that im from a muslim family. To make matters worse i was being molested by a cousin and he made me think it was all me and it was since i was very young (about 4-5) till the summer before i began uni. it was really screwed up and i finally found out that i was a victim last year when i told some close friends about it and they made me realise.... (i spent my whole life thinking it was me who wanted this...) anyway i never told a soul throughout school but after my 1st year of uni i decided i couldnt lie to my best friends anymore. they were soooo supportive and since the day i came out my religion deteriorated fast. i stopped doing most of the things im supposed to do as a muslim and i came out of my shell even more and 3 years on im in a better place. that is till a few days ago when i graduated. i spent 10 years saying to myself "its ok, ur still in school right now u dont have to worry about this...." but at my ceremony i couldnt help but think that this was the beginning of my life in the real world and finding out about my cousin and the fact that i was a victim was really starting to get to me and i was still confused and in a little shocked about it. anyway long story short my parents knew something was going on and i couldnt hide it any longer so we sat all together and i broke the news. first i told them about the sexuality and THEN the rest. i explained that i dont know if the 2 are combined but i will never know and its not important anyway... the reaction as muslim parents was better than i expected, im not dead or homeless but the reaction is still a nightmare i keep reliving. theyre very hurt i didnt come out with this sooner and as for the gay thing they said they are willing to move on and let me stay alone for the rest of my life but if i want to go out and by myself they want nothing to do with me. i have 4 other cousins who know (we have a big family!) and my older sister and all of them are supportive so thats a positive. as for the cousin my parents are still in shock and are figuring out what to do... i dont want anything to do with it. ive been at a friends till today and now im just trying to figure this all out. i know maybe i should feel good that its out and that none of this is my fault especially being abused but i just cant get the look of pain on my parents faces out of my head and it kills me even more that they made me promise i wont be with men when i know that i cant do this and when the day comes when im happy with someone then i will sacrifice my family for it. it just all sucks and its gotten to the point where im not sure i will make it thru this or my parents either.... i just dont know....
I won't pretend to completely and fully understand the gravity of your situation... but I have some thoughts, and perhaps you might take something away from them. You have a right to live your life the way you want to. You deserve it. If that means settling down with a guy and living a happy life, then so be it. Your parents would be missing out if they cut you out forever. I'd suggest that you try to live your life while maintaining contact with your parents, and with your family. If you have a major falling out with your parents, you could still maintain contact with your sibling(s) and cousins and such — in fact, I'd encourage you to do so. With time, I'd hope that your parents come around. I know it can be a heart-wrenching thing to deal with, but... In the end, you come first to yourself. It's not about being selfish or selfless or anything. It's about being true to yourself and letting yourself live the life that you deserve. Cheers to you, good luck, and I wish you the best. =)
