I want to tell my friend but I don't know how.

Basically I am going to come out to my best friend pretty soon, I've spent months thinking about it ( which to be honest is too long I feel). The issue I have is that I do like him more than a friend. Its very hard for me because I have a crush on someone who I have been best friends with for years. As far as I am aware, he is straight. He's had just the one girlfriend but that didn't last long at all. He acts straight but to be honest so do i, everything I do is considered straight by others except for the fact that I don't talk about girls. I am at a standstill because I don't know the best way to tell him. Do I come out first without mentioning that I have a crush on him?, or do I just go for it and tell him all at once?. I do intend to tell him in a letter however if that doesn't seem the best option then do say so. I have written a letter telling him that I'm gay and I am perfectly confident with that part of it. The part I am so terrified about is telling him that I like him. I know him well enough to know that there's a chance he isn't straight but is that really enough? or should I just tell him I'm gay and hope he is okay with it.

Like I said I'm perfectly happy with the part of the letter that is revealing that I'm gay, its the next part I am unsure about, I have been as honest as possible and I think maybe its a bit too personal but by all means read it and tell me what you think.

"But the next part is by far the hardest to say as I have always been so terrified of how you would react. I think every day of how you would likely hate me and never speak to me again after saying what I'm about to say. The endless months of bottling this in has practically destroyed me and you might be thinking that this isn't such a big deal but for me this has taken months of me beating myself down mentally and just trying so hard to pull myself together. The main reason it has taken me so long to tell you this is because I value our friendship so much, we get along very well, I would even say we're best friends because you are without a doubt the best friend I have ever had and I don't want to lose that. I do fear that you'll reject me as a friend and just blurt out everything I'm telling you but I hope you can show me how much of a friend you are by never speaking of this to anyone.

The truth is (name), I think the most delicate way to say this is that I think I like you more than a friend. I understand that this is probably very shocking to you but to be honest I think you have the right to know this. I am going to tell you exactly what I think about you because you are a true friend and again I believe you deserve to know. I think you're funny, you make me smile when I'm upset, I enjoy being around you and I just generally feel happier when you're around. If I ever have a problem that I need to discuss I feel that you are the best person to talk to, you are always there for me and I do my best to be there for you. If I had to pick one person to be with when I was feeling down or needed cheering up or i just wanted someone to talk to, I'd pick you over everyone else. The only other thing left to say really is (and I mean every word of this), (name), I Love you man.

So there you have it (name). You're probably going to hate me now and never speak to me again. But as far as I am aware you will have utterly no interest what so ever in having any form of relationship with me, hence why I'm always upset and in denial about all of this. If you do not want to then just say it and I'd never mention it again and I just hope we can still stay friends and you can accept me for who I am. But before you say anything I just want to make a final point. I'm well aware that you are 'likely' straight and will just be completely against a relationship of any kind. You had a relationship with (name)which didn't go so well. She lied to you, cheated on you and was horrible to you, particularly towards the end as I'm sure you're well aware. All I want to do really is just to say is that I would never do anything to hurt you, to upset you or make you feel worthless. I would always be there for you and I'm sure you'd be there for me ( to be honest the same applies for just being friends). But I beg of you, if you say no then I just hope we can stay friends and just ignore this. I had to say this (name) because its not fair on you not knowing and I had to say this because it has destroyed me.

I don't think I can say much more. I'm falling apart, crying my eyes out writing this. I know this is huge and if you need time to think or even talk then I will give you all the time in the world, because you deserve it man, for being such a wonderful friend to me, a friendship which I truly hope can last, Thank you."


Well there it is, should i include this or is it too much? :icon_redf

 

Thanks, I do feel that the best option as you said, would be to come out first and see how things pan out rather than throw everything at him.