So after years of not wanting to do it, a few weeks ago i did it and told my parents. Dad just told me im thinking it all in my head whereas mum went into denial and apparently its very shameful and now everyone (ie, the community and extended family) will talk about it. i told her that ive acceptd it now for years and im fine but they are having none of it. Mum keeps telling me to just get try and be with a girl and then i will see (usual stuff) and be happy. Now they are not even talking to me. When i tell them that i am happy as i am, mum said the other day 'well you be happy and the rest of us will be unhappy' Trying to explain that at the end of the day its my life seems to not have any bearing. One of their main concerns is family and bringing shame to the family name. Ive told them that who they tell is upto them but i am not ashamed of who i am. But....good news is i do feel relived. It had been 7/8 years in building up to this and now its done. Im just really looking for any advice as to how to deal with these anger/denial stages with parents?
First, congratulations! Second, give them time...this is no guarantee however that it will ever be accepted, but give them time anyway, there will come a time when it will just be the new normal and there won't be much they can do about it.
I'm currently going through my mum's denial stage right now. Honestly, I think you just need to let them adjust. It took you time to work out who you are, and they have to almost go through the same process. I definitely know what you're going through. My mum keeps on trying to convince me that perhaps I'm actually bi. I know it's her clutching at straws for me to lead a 'normal life'... It's frustrating, but I'd recommend just waiting. Perhaps try bring up the subject subtly occasionally to try gage their reaction on it all before you start thinking they've accepted it. Congratulations for coming out though! ride:
This is exactly what I went through just a month ago. A couple of days after I told my parents, my dad talked to me in the lounge room and started crying and telling me I can't do this to him and that I can't know that i'm gay because I haven't had sex with a girl and all that generic homophobic crap. It's just so stupid and almost selfish of them because they are thinking of how other people will think of them for having a gay son. Mum is a little more accepting of it but she still is having trouble with it. My parents actually went to a psychiatrist about it. they are both kind of in denial They seem to be a bit more understanding about it, but they are still having some trouble dealing with it. Just give it time dude. Let them actually educate themselves about sexuality. good luck. I hope they grow to accept it, or at least come to terms with it.
I'm happy that you did! Congrats! That took some courage to come out to homophobic parents. My parents were among the first (but certainly not THE first) that I came out to, because I just couldn't live a lie with them anymore. I'm closer than ever to my dad, and my mom....well some things never change (for better or worse). I'm sorry that it didn't work out the same for you, but there's hope that in time it will. They need to let go of the straight son that they thought they had and embrace the gay son that they DO have, who is a wonderful person I'm sure! Do you have a partner? Perhaps introducing him to your parents would "solidify" it in their minds that this is real, not just a phase, and not subject to change or negotiation. I'm not saying that would go particularly well for any party involved at this point, but it might be a necessary step. This reminds me of a paper that I recently read, and how it might be applied to parents seeking understanding as well. It seems that just as the people who were the subject of that study, who didn't want to abandon their hopes of a "normal" relationship, your parents similarly don't want to abandon hope. It's a very strong desire, to be "normal" in the face of a society that is resistant to anything out of the mainstream.
[/QUOTE] Do you have a partner? Perhaps introducing him to your parents would "solidify" it in their minds that this is real, not just a phase, and not subject to change or negotiation. I'm not saying that would go particularly well for any party involved at this point, but it might be a necessary step..[/QUOTE] First of all thanks for the reply guys.....time is all i can really give them. No one has brought up the issue since so it almost at times feels like its all been forgotten. RainbowMan- yeah they actually met my boyfriend as a 'friend' before i came out and obviously when i came out i told them about him too. However, in their minds it has not solidifyed it but rather that i decided to be with him and therfore have chosen that lifestyle as opposed to being with him because i am gay. They are trying anything to make themesleves feel better which i can undertsand but its so frustrating. But he has been fantastic, through it all and i love him with all my heart...therfore the pain and frustration seem to be definitly worth it.
