Well I'll be starting University rather soon and something has been bothering me as of late, and I've been feeling worse about it with each passing day. So, I'm going to this university that is quite far away from my hometown (happy and sad about this), and I finally convinced myself (with some urging from my friends) to come out and just be myself. I was quite happy with this plan, as I prefer guys over girls, and was content to simply come out once I got there. Excep three people from my old high school are going there as well. Normally I wouldn't care, or might even be happy to have familiar faces there. However, the problem is, that the people that are going have gained a reputation at my old high school of being very gossipy. And I mean VERY gossipy. I'm afraid that if I come out, they'll instantly have it up on Facebook, Twitter, etc. Because of the be small and tight community I live in, my parents would catch drift of it in no time flat (it's almost like everyone knows everyone). Here's a quick run down of the three people: Person #1: Me and her are pretty friendly and she's cool for the most part. I once asked her causally what her stance on LGBT rights were, and I think she said she was fine with them (foggy memory). She's overall pretty nice and I'm 80% sure she wouldn't post anything if I asked her not too. The reason I say 80% is because shes quite close to some girls from my old class, and I figure she wouldn't be able to restrain herself right away. Person #2: :bang: OMG HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT ____ THEY ______ AND ALSO ______ This girl gives me headaches, and at the same time I want to give her hugs. She is by no means mean, or has any bad intentions, but she doesn't...well....think. She can't help but gossip, and even if I asked her not to tell yet, she'd tell people back home in a second. She's one of these people who have very little/no exposure to homosexuality, and gets very excited by it, as though she's witnessing the lochness monster or something. I swear, the second something happens she has it up in Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Fox news and more. Person #3: Oh dear. This guy is friends with number 2, and he's not too fond of gays, and believes bisexuals are homosexuals in hiding. Everytime the topic of gays came up class, even if he was in the best of moods, he would suddenly get so serious and almost angry, and say "Look, I don't care, they don't matter. Change the subject." He's a very hardcore Christian too. Me and him haven't had much contact, but from what I remember it wasn't very positive... If you made it this far here's a cookie :lol: So yeah...any more info needed, ask and I'll provide what I can. Work your magic EC (!)
Have you considered coming out to your parents before going? That's what I've done because I was worried of them possibly seeing anything on facebook, if someone happened to write something about it. I haven't come out to anyone else in my home town though because to be honest I don't feel the need to tell them and I'm not bothered about any of them finding out on facebook! Basically what I'm saying is to come out to everyone who you feel like you need to tell before you go, that way you can go and be yourself at university and it won't matter who finds out if you've told everyone that you need to. At least that's my view of it, I don't know if you're in a good position to tell your parent because you didn't mention how they might react to it.
If you want to wait until you get to university to come out you could also send a letter or email before any of them find out. Otherwise you run the risk of being outed by somebody else. An option anyway.
Well, here's a run down of my family relating to LGBT; Mom: She's pretty cool with it all, but I'm 70% she suspects about me. She had grown up in a very gay neighborhood, and has had many gay friends over the years as well as gay co-workers. She's very open minded and I'm sure would be ok with it. Dad: I'm not so sure about this one...some days when I casually bring up gay rights and stuff, he'll be all for them. Next day he'll spew words like "Nasty Faggot" :/ He has grown up in a very conservative town all his life, and doesn't believe things such as bisexual (oh yippie...), pansexual, trans* and thinks being trans* is the same thing as being gay. I know he would not be too pleased with me being pretty close to gay than straight, but would still try to work around it...eventually. Grandpa: Would be disowned in a heartbeat. Literally. He is a very caring person, but growing up in the same town as my dad, all through the 1930s and what not, "gays are bad" has been ingrained into his mind. He once told me gays are sick people that needed serious mental help. Every time the topic of homosexuality comes up he also gos quiet or changes the subject. I've tried telling my parents before anyway, and that doesn't really work out...ugh. I usually just freak out and give up. I also think that being myself around complete strangers first might possibly be better as I can gain more confidence and know what reactions to expect :/ Does this info make a difference or no?
Well, it's college. lol. You don't even have to see those people anymore or converse with them. They'll widen out, as will you and if it ever got back to them, I highly doubt they would care enough to "out" you. You'll be adults now in an adult surrounding, so no one's really going to sit around listening to someone that badgers gay rights. College itself is pretty liberal. I don't think you'll have to worry about this much. I tell everyone this though.. don't think you can control people when you come out to them. They ALL tell. As would you. And a lot of the time, they're worried about how to be the best friend toward you and seek out advice. I never put a stipulation on my coming out to someone. If you're going to say anything at all, you have to accept that other people will find out and you shouldn't feel a sense of betrayal when it goes down. It's a difficult thing sometime for the people we're close with so we can't shut down their outlets when we choose to come out to them. I say try the campus out for about 3 weeks or so. You'll notice that the people from high school aren't going to be in your biz much. And about family.. they can say hurtful things because they're afraid of what they don't understand.. and often times don't realize how or when things will hit home for them. My brother talks out of his ass a lot and it was a little intimidating for me to tell him, but he wanted to go on the record to say that he didn't mean anything by it... your closest friends and family really should already know there's something up with you by your general demeanor. They might not know WHAT bothers you, but they know it's something.
I was in your position exactly a year ago. I grew up in a really conservative city, and while I was 99% sure my parents suspected something was up, I could get the courage to talk to them. When I got to college, I found that most people didn't give a shit. I could walk around in a shirt and nobody would give a second look. I pretty much was myself the whole year without actually coming out. The day I got back from college this summer I came out to both my parents. Now, a year later, I'm going to come out to everyone at school (both my HS and college friends). To be honest, I really needed the confidence in myself that college gave me. I needed the support from the few friends and professor I told. And now, I can used the support from my family to come out to everyone else. (Even if they weren't supportive I could used the support I gained from my close friends. I, too, didn't want word getting back to my parents. To me, it felt like a matter of respect to tell them before I came out to tooo many people. That said, my mom and dad were incredibly hurt that other people knew before they did, even if it wasn't that many people. I guess to make a point, I would just say - don't worry. However you do it in college is going to work out fine. College is a really accepting place (for the majority of them) and I think you'll find you might be able to be open without it being a big deal to people. Maybe word will never get around to your other friends.
