Do I come out?;S

Hiya there,

Recently, I've been debating on whether or not to come out, but I have some reservations. I stumbled across these forums when looking for examples of letters to write to parents, so I thought i'd make an account and ask for your opinions since some of you have experience on the matter.

I really want to come out because I'm tired of hiding from myself and having to pretend to be straight in front of my family. More than ever at the minute, my mum is trying to push me into getting a girlfriend because "it's good to get into relationships whilst in school and you need some new people to talk to", but is there any wonder I don't want a girlfriend when I am gay..?

I'm out to a two of my closest friends and they are perfectly fine with it. It was such a relief to tell them and hear them say that they are fine with my sexuality, after all it's my life and my sexuality should make no difference to them at all. There is one more of my close friends that doesn't yet know, down to maturity. He, much like my younger sister, uses "gay" as a derogatory term for things, so I have chosen not to tell him.

Unfortunately it seems the story won't be so happy with my family as it was with the two people that I have told.

Firstly, my father grew up in a Catholic home, and so is very strongly against homosexuality. He's always commenting when he sees gay people in public things such as :"Oh, look at those queers!" He has told me before, when I was younger, that he would disown me if I happened to be gay, but I'm pretty sure that was an empty threat. He's going to be the hardest person to come out to purely because he is so openly against homosexuality.

My eldest sister (19) is much like this; she takes after my father. When I have asked her what she thinks to homosexuals, she has merely replied with: "I just think it's wrong." She works with a gay person in her hairdressing salon and she makes out that she is friends with him and they get on okay. So I'm not sure what her take on my sexuality would be.

The main problem with my family is the fact that they do not use the 'intelligence' that they all claim to have and think about things. They're the kind of people that are slaves to society. (Grow up -> get a job -> get into a heterosexual marriage -> have kids and a holiday abroad every year -> retire -> die).They just take what people have told them, namely my father, as a final word and fail to question anything themselves or think about things. That is how I first found out that I was gay - questioning what I'd been told. (Sorry for going off on a little tangent there).

Then there's my mother. My mother always makes out that she is very open minded and intelligent - the intelligent bit I don't agree with - but I still think she'd take my sexuality very badly. Whenever I've asked what she thinks about gay people, she suddenly drops openness and becomes homophobic, just like my father. I think she'd be more accepting than my father, but I believe it would still be hard to do. I would come out to her before anyone else in my family because I feel that she would be the easiest person to talk to despite her occasional showing of hatred towards homosexuals.

My younger sister is only ten months younger than me, but there's a greater gap in maturity. She still uses gay as a derogatory term for things and puts herself across as very anti-gay. However, I feel that this is purely down to her maturity and the family that we have grown up in and she would soon come to accept it.

Everyone at school is pretty accepting of difference. Of course there are going to be people that flame me and pull me down, but there are people like that everywhere. Those who have to cause harm to others because they're so fed up of their cheap lives.

So, people of emptyclosets.com, I've explained as much as I thought would be necessary about my environment in terms of opinion and how I think people would take it. Now i'm just looking for some replies on whether or not I should come out. I feel ready, but is fifteen 'too young' to come out? Before people say it, yes I am sure that I am gay. A couple of years is too long for just a phase in my opinion and I am happy about being gay. I would most probably do it via letter; I can write in the style of someone much older than I actually am and my family have commended my writing skills in the past. I feel that this would most definitely be the best way to do it, for I can present myself - or something that I want to say - much better in writing than I can say it. If I was going to come out, it would be during August, so I can deal with anything that may arise without the stress of school work.

Thanks a lot for reading my first post on this wonderful site, and please leave your comments below.
-Malignant

 

Thanks for you awesome reply, sir!(*hug*)

I feel like I am ready to come out, and I'm not sure my dad would really disown me. I'm most probably going to hand a letter to my mother some time this week, then I could ask her what she thinks I should do about my father?

I just want to get it off my chest now, it's something I feel like I've held onto for too long. I don't know how people manage to go through their whole teenage life hiding themselves away.

 

Sounds like you had it rough;o

I'm also a sensitive person, but there's only really my father and eldest sister that I'm worrying about a lot. I think my mother and younger sister would be okay with it, after allowing it to sink in of course.

I've written a letter, but I'm not sure if I want to give it to them because I feel that it might come as a bit random to them, a bit out of the blue. Of course it's something that they never would expect of me and I just feel like it's going to be thought as too random to be taken seriously? Like, I don't have a boyfriend at the minute and I'm not looking for one right now either. I'm merely fed up with lying to everyone, to myself. I feel that coming out could be useful in making me happier because I wouldn't have it sat on my shoulders anymore.

I'm still in the midst of deciding what to do, thanks for the reply to my thread. It's excellent knowing who I can talk to Also, thanks for the compliment on my writing skills, I enjoy writing things (^-^)

 

Hiya Craig,

Thanks for replying to my thread. I don't think I could ever suppress my sexuality for that long - to the extent that you have. I feel that I could most probably come out to my mother, and seeing what she thinks I should do about my father. My mother isn't the kind of person to hold things against people for a long time, even if she was sore about it at first, I feel that within a week or so she would be fine.

Luckily, I'm not as scared as you were to come out, but believe me I'm still very scared of what might happen as a result of it. I guess there's only one way to find out and people are either going to accept it or they won't. I've decided that I'm going to try to come out to my mother tomorrow and then to others in the family, and maybe to more people from school etc. later on this month.

Thanks again.