So, I really have no idea where to start - the beginning sounds like a logical place, only I am not sure where that is anymore. I was married for almost 10 years and have now been divorced for almost 2 years. Noting was right about my marriage from day one. I knew it but I never really figured out what it was. Instead, I spent all 10 years trying to figure out what was 'wrong' with me, and how I could make him happy. In the mean time ignoring everything that was telling me what would make me happy. So now, I am 31 years old and have been in only one relationship since my divorce, which was also all wrong. I really don't know if this is who I am, I have no idea who I am, but I know that right now pretty much everything in my personal life is making me miserable. I am depressed, and I hate everything about the thought of getting into another relationship, other than the fact that someone would be there to support me and love me no matter what I am. I am hoping that I will be able to find some advice from people that have been here, and might be able to answer one or two of the seemingly endless number of questions within me. I am tired of living my life confused.
There are members on here that have been married and I'm sure that one will probably post on here (just a guess?). Anyways you can private message them if you have question which I probably won't be able to answer. But in all this is a great site to get advice. And one final thing.. Welcome to EC
Firstly, I think you should try to know yourself better. Maybe you are either bi or a lesbian if you are here. And before getting in to relationships, you have to listen to yourself and think if that is the right person who would support and love you.
Hi there. I'm not sure what it is that you're miserable about, but I'm assuming you have questions about your orientation - because you're posted here at Empty Closets (Welcome - btw!). I was married for 10 years as well. I could never understand why for most of my life I wasn't ever REALLY happy... finally came to the conclusion that I was gay. I'm not sure where you are in that process. Hanging out here in EC will certainly help - it can't hurt. Good luck.
Thank you all for the warm welcome. And yes, your thoughts are all correct, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't considering the fact that, yes I do beleive that I may be a lesbian. My struggle is how do I know? Will I ever know for sure? And how in the heck would I ever tell my family that? The family that would disown me for bringing home a boyfriend outside of my caucasian race. How on earth does that conversation ever happen? I think that in all honesty, it is the fear of losing my family that keeps me in the constant state of confusion and limbo. My family is all that I have right now, and, well, I guess that's why I am here.:help:
First, welcome to EC. This is a wonderful online community that is here to help. I am over 40 and was married for a long time. I too was never really happy during the marriage and struggled with whether I was gay or bisexual. It took me years to come to grips with it. I was depressed and felt like there was no way out. Eventually, you will emerge from this difficult period in your life, and you will be happy. I began seeing a psychologist, who really helped me with my depression. I felt so much better once I was no longer depressed. I finally came out to her after nearly a year of therapy. It has been a long journey but I have now figured out who I am and I feel great about it. You will too. Just give it some time. You should also try a therapist; it has made a big difference for me. Hang in there and please turn to us for help whenever you need it.
Hi, Welcome to EC! You have picked the right place! You have asked questions that I have asked my self often. I think everybody goes through a period of confusion, not knowing who we really are because we think that we know ourselves, what our identity is. I have asked my self often who am I? It took me a little while to figure this one out but once I knew and came somewhat to terms with it, I tried to accept it. Although knowing how I feel, I am still trying to accept it fully. And I think this is where the other questions come in that you have posed. I have asked myself how would I or could I ever tell this to my parents and other family members and friends that I am gay over and over gain. For the very same reason that you have mentioned, fear of how my family might react, I have never said anything. Only recently I have started to talk about it with a counselor because I really felt that I needed to talk and just let it out. Maybe (and as s5m1 suggested as well) talking to someone like a psychologist might help. Talking to my counselor has certainly helped me to put everything in perspective. After my first meeting I started feeling different, happier although I was still (and still am) scared what my family, friends, and others will think about it. Being scared has certainly let me being in some state of confusion at one point or another. What I have learned thus far is that although it is a difficult process and might take a while for everything to be alright, I'm not alone in it.
I am feeling so much better just today to find this much support. I guess I just need to know that I am not alone and the things I am feeling are not foreign to others. I'll keep working through it and thanks to all who suggested professional counseling, I am deffinately going to reach out to that.... and soon.
Yes - absolutely. See a therapist or counsellor. It made a world of difference for me as well as I worked through all of this. I'm not sure how I could have managed without him! And there is hope! It really does get better. I can honestly say that I've never been happier than I am now! I've met a great guy and we're hopelessly in love with each other. Where as 18 months ago I was more depressed than I'd ever been... dealing with what you're going through. Hang in there - and hang out in here. You'll grow to love this place!
