I am a 15 year old FtM, and I have recently come out to my parents about my transsexuality. First and foremost, I realize that I am extremely lucky to not have been thrown out of the house and financially cut off, as some parents have done to their children as a result of their coming out. However, both my parents are giving me very different problems. When I first came out, I was very afraid to come face-to-face and tell my mother, so I wrote her a letter, and left it on her bed for her to see when she came home. In the letter, I explained to her thoroughly my feelings on the subject. After she had read the letter, we had a brief talk, and when she approached me, she seemed almost bored. I felt, and still feel, that she doesn't care about my situation, merely because of her tone of voice and body language during that talk. Since then, it has been several months, she has acted like it never happened. I have reminded her several times of my preferred name and pronouns. correcting her every third or fourth mistake she makes, and she simply ignores me, as if I had said nothing. When I asked to have my hair cut, she argued with me, saying it should look like a girl's haircut, or I won't get one at all. She gave in eventually, and still doesn't like my haircut even though I do. I feel that she either doesn't care, or is in denial.. and I am confused about what to do, if anything. And then there is my dad, who lives an hour away. I can only contact him through phone calls, and very rarely get to see him. He is very supportive, except he thinks that transgender is the same thing as gay. I have tried explaining several times to him the distinct difference between a transgender person and a homosexual person, and the fact that sexual orientation is not the same as gender identity, however he will not listen. He is absolutely convinced I am gay. :bang: I have no idea what else I could say to him. Besides my parents' own problems at my coming out, I am desperate to find a gender therapist or atleast a friend who is familiar with my situation, because my depression and dysphoria is steadily, to say the least, eating me alive. Of course, I would have to have a parent pay for and transport me to a therapist, so my other option is to post here, at least to release all of my frustration. At my knowledge of what a long and enduring process transition is, I want to start ASAP, and am absolutely sure about what I want. I feel trapped, alone, and unheard. I'm hoping you guys will give me support, if nothing else, and I'd love more than anything to have a friend. I'll appreciate any and all answers to this thread.
Hi Cere, I am afraid your mother needs time. A lot of it. She may see it as some kind of her failure. She may also be in denial for ever. Unfortunately, I have seen that hapen too. If you ever need to vent your doubts or frustration, come here
It's most definitely denial. My mother was and still is like that too, and I've been out to her probably almost two years now. I'd suggest a journal might be helpful to get your feelings out there, it really helps. Also talking here helps as well
Have you tried asking your mum if she wil drive you to the therapist? If she loves you and wants the best for you then she may think that the therapy is a good idea. She may not jump at the idea at first, but you may be able to persuade her. Failing that, you could apply for a job to earn money for the bus etc, even if it's something as small as babysitting. Good luck - you've come to the right place, and you're certainly not alone. I have a friend who's pretty much in the exact same position as you, and he's gradually getting through it ok
Thank you guys for answering. I have talked to my grandmother about this, and she agrees that my mother is in denial. I believe I will just have to wait it out and hope that she comes around eventually. I want to mention therapy to her soon, because, well, it is worth a shot. My little sister, I believe, is handling it better than anyone. She calls me my preferred name almost always, and I think it is a constant enough reminder to my mother when she is around. I hope to be able to spend more time on EC, I believe it's a really great site. Good day
