I am in love with my best male straight friend and I am a guy?

Do you guys have two separate beds but choose to sleep in the same one? Or is there just one bed? I mean, if you're both choosing to sleep in the same bed when there's another available, that's a bit of a hint. And I know most straight guys definitely wouldn't want to spoon another guy. If he seems to push into you then maybe he knows and obviously this would mean he wanted to... but just make sure not to do anything too overt without his consent, you could accidentally freak him out or something.

I really feel for you though. I was deeply in love with one of my best friends for a couple years. She turned out to be a huge homophobe though. Have you ever talked about the topic of homosexuality with him before? Like what are his thoughts on it? What's his stance on the topic? Maybe you should try bringing it up sometime, maybe over drinks or something? Just be careful with that... you know how drinking can make you say things you wouldn't normally say. Try to get his thoughts and opinions on it. If he's not homophobic, maybe you could casually tell him you're bi-curious, and see how he reacts to that.

If I were you I wouldn't tell him your feelings about him until you have enough evidence that it wouldn't scare him off, especially since you guys are moving out soon. It might make him feel uncomfortable to live with a guy who's in love with him, if he doesn't feel the same. If you feel like you really need to though, it might be better to do it before you move out with him, so that way, if he doesn't feel the same, he won't feel as uncomfortable or trapped.

There's no way to know if you guys could hook up in the future. It does seem a bit strange that he acts guarded around you when you guys are around other people. Guys seem to do that when they're trying to hide feelings that make them feel vulnerable, it's like they're guarding their masculinity.

 

Well from what I know about straight guys and their nearly universal bizarre obsession with being homophobic, it seems a little weird that he'd sleep in the same bed with another guy, and spoon with him, regardless of whether or not you're both drunk. Most of the straight guys I've known would rather sleep on the floor than in bed with another guy, lol. But maybe I just knew some particularly homophobic guys, idk.

Maybe he pulls away in the morning because he's ashamed or something? Or maybe he really isn't into it. There's no real way to know yet.

It's also a compulsive masculinity-affirming ritual for guys to express homophobia. It's just something they feel like they have to do in order to be "one of the guys", and so no one gets the idea that they're gay. There are often heavy social consequences for a guy to be perceived as possibly gay around all his straight friends. So there's still the possibility that it's just a front he's putting out for self defense.

I still think you should have a "casual" talk with him about homosexuality, over drinks, one of these days, and maybe you'll discover that he's not all that homophobic after all. Maybe eventually you can tell him about your bi-curiosity or something.

I'm not trying to get your hopes up, I'm just thinking of what I would do if I was in your situation. Because I've been in a similar situation, kind of. I was in love with one of my best friends for a few years, and I tried talking to her about homosexuality and stuff, and she turned out to be a hardcore homophobe, which really fuckin shattered me...

I hope your relationship with him works out, even if it's just a platonic relationship.

 

Welcome to the club... I had the same problem with my best friend. Alot of sleep together, spooning, he kissed me on the lip once ect ect... basically I came out to him and the signals did not stop so I confronted him. He is a little less touchy now and has a girl friend so I guess that's my answer. I was pretty sure of it too.... and appeared to be wrong. At the end of the day you wont know for sure until you come out to him and confront him if the stuff dose not stop. I have a few semi-recent threads on this exact issue...

 

I am in the same boat as you. I've been deeply in love with my best friend for 2 years now. We lived together for 6 months while we were studying abroad for one semester in the U.S. and we shared the same bed. he had absolutely no problem with that. We spooned to each other frequently while we were sleeping but sometimes he would push me away during the night, and then he would spoon me, obviously I didn't push him off. We also kind of cuddle while watching tv on the couch almost every day.

The thing is that I am gay and I am totally aware of that, but nobody knows that, not even him because I am afraid of telling him the truth and maybe ruin our friendship, that is the most valuable thing I have in my life. He says he is straight, he has been with girls before but I don't know, sometimes I really think that he is into me, he always does this things to me like hugging me from behind, when he is drunk he always starts saying how much he loves me and how much he cares about me, he sometimes grabs my butt on purpose, etc,etc.

We litterally text every day and hang out almost every weekend like you and your friend. Fuck, I just damn love this guy so much and also want to spend the rest of my life with him, we just have so much in common it is unbelievable, sometimes I think we were meant to know each other. I don't want to let him go, but I know that sooner or later he would know that I am gay and probably, move on from me. I've heard him say horrible homophobic things in front of me that I just know that if I tell him I am in love with him we would freak out.

I would say to you to wait, give him some time until you think is the right moment to tell him your feelings. Maybe wait for him to give you more hints that he may be into you, the same way you do. Don't rush, because if you do, you may loose him forever. Just make sure you know that you both love each other the same way. If you discover somehow that he only loves you as your best friend and not as a lover (as you would like) it could end badly for you if you tell him.

Good Luck!

 

Erm, I may be highly aggravating...but I think communication and honesty is the best way to settle things. It's a matter of postponing things and going slowly and excruciatingly, or being up front and maybe not losing any more time on the puzzles and pieces of how he feels.

Perhaps, he may break your heart, your friendship, too, but if he does it's his loss; find someone who appreciates you and whose world begins and ends with you.

---------- Post added 30th Jul 2015 at 10:50 PM ----------

Ugh, Diego! This was an old thread - I just noticed it.lol

 

I think it is but natural for us to fall in love with our best friend at one point or another. After all there is a reason we are best friends. We are kindred spirits, we have almost everything in common, we practically do everything together, we can tell each other practically everything, we share the same interests and have the same outlook in life. In short it is everything that you would be looking for with a significant other, a partner. The only difference with a partner is that there are no expectations and no commitments.

Have I fallen in love with my best friend at some point? sure as hell. But did I let it cloud my judgement? No. He is straight after all and I am not into the gay-straight unrequited love thing. The thing with best friends is that we become too familiar and comfortable with each other. We let our guard down and may act in ways considered non conventional between 2 guys. Here's my relationship with my best friend (Hidden Friendship).

You really have to think about it. Is he really sending you signals? or are you just giving meaning to something which does not really mean anything more than having his guard down with you? If you do in the event decide to confront him, are you prepared for the repercussions? What if he does not feel the same way and the friendship ends?

In my case I let reality set in and with time I just got over the infatuation. Do I still love him as a friend? of course.

 

Hey, I'm in the same situation and I have the same questions. What I can advise you, is that you should tell him you like guys too. Maybe he would like to hook up with you too but thinks you're straight and is the same scared as you.
Sadly, this can also not be true. However, you have to watch how he reacts.
Maybe this helps you. This is the only tip I can give you cause this is exactly what I'm gonna do now. I hope it helps you and much luck

 

I remember when I was in the fairly same situation as you. I told him that I am love with my best friend and now we are STILL best friends.. I know him for 7 years , and we are best friends 3 years and 2 years I am in love with him.. He has a girlfriend and he is straight and he loves me so much!!( he said it). To get to the point, if he loves you, he wants you to be his best friend. Say FIRST, i think I am gay. If he supports you, you will tell him then OR later that you are in love with him, depends of his reaction.
You sleep with him in the same bed, he has some feelings( romantic maybe, or friendly feelings). Try it out.
Just Take It Slowly...

 

I see two possibilities. a) exhibiting basic primal love for your fellow man. One observes this all the time in children's behavior - arms around each other, hugging, sleeping together, holding hands, etc. This subject would be an interesting study for it would take one back to our roots - our primal being.

b) friends actually has a gay component and is exploring. If explore and discover has not occurred yet for an individual, then its occurring with you at this time. This is NORMAL human behavior.

You can reference I think chapter 4 in The Velvet Rage to read about this kind of situation.

Later

 

I think it's important for you to exercise a degree of caution to protect your friendship. It's clear that you share a close bond and he obviously trusts you a lot – enough to sometimes share a bed with you, and to a certain degree he may love you [as a friend], but this isn't to be confused with romantic and sexual love that you would experience in a relationship. In many respects, what you have with your friend is close to a brotherly kind of love, and that's pretty damn special, in itself. Push things too far though, and you could damage the close bond that you have built up with him.

I'm not saying your mate will never change his feelings towards you into something more, but you shouldn't get your hopes up about this. From what I've read, it's unlikely.

I would advise you to really concentrate on your friendship and focus on enjoying the times you spend together. While you are thinking about something more with him your mind is not 100% dedicated to making the friendship better and stronger than it already is. Remember, a friendship can last forever while boyfriends and girlfriends come and go. Get it right and you could have something that will last a lifetime.

If you are always thinking about him as more than a friend you are always gonna be hurt if he meets a girl, and you will not be able to positively respond or support him when he needs you or if things go wrong. If you cherish the friendship though and always look out for his best interests he will come to love you more as a person (even if it's not in the way you would like).

Finally, I would advise you to open your mind to the possibility of a relationship with someone who can offer you the sort of love you want from your friend. If you are always carrying a torch for someone who is out of reach you could deny yourself the chance of the kind of love and happiness that you are really seeking.