So, im a guy. Starting my sophomore year in a week or two. Since I understood what sexuality really was, so i'd say age 10 or so, i've been having gay thoughts. Sometimes they get quite strong, and sometimes not. Recently, since around December 2012 (So about 9 months) ive been having thoughts about a guy I know. Let's just call him A to make it easier. A and I are really good friends. We both have a lot of problems, so we can talk to each other, plus, we have the same hobbies and stuff. Ive been hanging out with him more than any of my other friends. Well, A is openly bisexual. Sometimes he flirts with me as a joke, which he does to a lot of people - im just the only guy ive seen him doing it too, but i could be wrong. He's called me hot before, but i think he was kidding. I really dunno. The point, is that ive been having some sexual thoughts about him. I don't know if i have feelings for him, but sexual attraction, I think is. Im quite confused. Ive been planning to try and act on them with him for awhile now, but im not sure how. So that's the first reason why im here. However, im even more confused. About a week ago, i went to hang out with another guy friend of mine. His name is B, for now. B is, well, a jerk. And that's why i havent hung out with him for about 2 years. We hung out, spent the night at his house. The entire time i was there, I was really horny for him. I constantly flirted, although i made it seem like a joke. Eventually, he caught on. He didnt really believe me, so he told me to give him a blowjob. I agreed, since this is one of the biggest thoughts I had about B and have with A. When i agreed, he said he wanted to shower first. So, while i could sit down and think, i decided I really didnt want too. I really dislike B, and didnt even want to be there. Plus, he's just gross. So yeah. I ended up getting out of it. After this i figured, well: "Yay! I finally know that i am actually straight. I had the opportunity to act on my feelings, and chose not too. So i know im straight!". Well, im confused again. See, i never thought i was gay. Just bisexual. I know for a fact i like girls. Anyways, its been a week, and ive been talking to A like i normally do. The feelings werent there, but they've just returned, although quite subtle (Sort of like how they started). So, now i dont know what to think. Am i straight or bi? How should i act on my sexual feelings with A if i choose too? So many questions, and i dont know what to think. Thanks for help.
Hi and welcome! When you decided not to give B a blow job was just because he's a jerk and you do't really like him or was it because he's a guy and you didn't want to suck off a guy? Have you been sexually attracted to any other guys apart from A and B? If the answer to the first question is that it was just that you didn't want to do it with B and the answer to the second is 'yes' then you could be bi. Remember that being bisexual doesn't necessarily mean that you're equally attracted to girls and guys.
Nope, only A and B. And i dont really know what my reasoning for not wanting it anymore with B was. Just, once i had time to sit down and think, something made me not want it.
Unless A is interested in sexual stuff with you, it may be best to leave this be. It could affect your friendship in many ways as the dynamic would presumably change. Also, it doesn't mean that you're not into guys just because you didn't want to do something to some guy. I'm quite sure I'm only into guys and yet I wouldn't want to do anything sexual with anyone unless I was attracted to them. It's possible that you were just riled up somehow but that rational and conscious thought made you realize that no, you really actually wouldn't want to do such things to B. For now, instead of concerning yourself with a label, it might be best to just not stick to one. When you get a better sense of your attractions to others, a label may be more fitting. Until then, notice who you look and check out in public, and let yourself just enjoy those moments. As time passes, you'll likely get a clearer sense of what and who you're attracted to. Also, reading some other threads and posts on EC can be quite helpful. Identify what you think resonates with you... that could only be of aid, I'd think and hope.
Thats a good idea - but i do feel pretty attracted to A. A lot of the sexual things he says, even though i think its a joke (Although i guess i cant be sure) riles me up. As far as my friendship with A, i really dont think it would affect our friendship. We're both pretty open with each other as it is, i think that if we could work it out, whether we end up as a relationship, simply "test subjects" if you will, or if we just stay friends.
I appreciate your responses However, im just back at my first few questions now :L Am i straight or bi? How should i act on my sexual feelings with A if i choose too? So many questions, and i dont know what to think. I guess the italicized one was sort of answered, though :3
