I've recently accepted that I'm bisexual, and coming out has been on my mind a lot lately. I'm just really worried about it, which I suppose is quite a normal thing ... I want to tell my mum and my best friend, but I have a really good feeling that they're not going to react in a good way when they find out, so I'm not exactly sure if all the trouble is worth it. I want to tell them, but I'm not exactly sure why I feel the need to tell them. I've never been kissed before by a guy or a girl, which is something that I think will give people a reason not to believe me. But I know that I'm attracted to both sexes, and it's not because I'm 'greedy' or 'desperate' or whatever else people say about bisexual people. It's because I can see myself being with a girl as much as I can see myself being with a guy, and in both cases it makes me feel good, if that makes any sense? But anyway, first I want to tell my best friend. She's my only friend at the moment because I've recently moved and all of my other friends have stopped contacting me. To be honest, she was the first girl I ever felt attracted to. It was a different feeling from the love you feel for a best friend, it was something much more but I could never tell her because I convinced myself that it was wrong to feel that way about her. I know that I can never tell her without ruining everything, because she's straight ... and also, she's an extremely strict Catholic. Without even knowing that I'm bisexual, she already preaches to me every single time I see her and tries to 'fix' me, because I don't believe in god. She tries to get me to join the groups at her church and tells me never to have sex before marriage or drink or anything. We're total opposites, because I want all of the things she thinks are 'sins'. I respect her opinion and I'm glad she has her comforting imaginary friend in her life, but what annoys me is how much she preaches to me and tries to change my point of view on things. Anyway, because of all that, I'm terrified to tell her because I know that it's going to kill our relationship and she'll probably never want to see me again because I'll be 'going to hell' or whatever. Even if she doesn't hate me, she'll probably just end up saying that it's only a phase and I'll pass over it. But it's not a phase, not at all. I just don't know how to tell her, or if it's even worth the risk of ruining everything. I can't lose my only friend, but I can't keep this a secret for much longer. Please help. I'm sorry for such a long post - I just wanted to make sure I thoroughly described my situation ...
Bonnie, are you sure that deep down you want to keep that particular girl as your friend? Because it sounds like it can be a way how to get rid of her or make her to show her "real color" You say that it will most probably ruin your friendship. I believe it will. So the question is Do you want to have her as a friend? Also, I don't think that coming out while terrified is a good thing. What about talking to her or to your mom about what is going on in the world right now when it comes to LGBT? You would get a first glimpse of what they think and wha you can expect.
Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets! First of all, congratulations on coming out to yourself. Yes, it is quite normal to start thinking about coming out to others, and feeling anxiety as well as being worried about what lies ahead. Doubts along the lines of 'will they believe me as I haven't been with a girl' are normal too. All that really matters is that you know where your attractions are, and the fact that you can see yourself with a girl and a guy and have a 'confirming' feeling. If you already have the feeling that your best friend and mom are not going to react positively, try coming out to someone who you know would be accepting and supportive. It is fine choosing not to come out to them first. Given what you have mentioned about your friend, I would suggest not coming out to her, at least not yet. Like Nick07 mentioned, coming out while being terrified, isn't a good idea. It would be good if you would start building a support network first, which could include being part of a LGBT support and/or social group. Being part of a LGBT support group, could provide you with a sense of acceptance and support, as well as create a new level of comfort that will allow you to embark on your coming out journey, and also be prepared for different kinds of reactions you might be encountering.
