I just started my sophomore year of high school. I came out as transsexual to my parents over the summer, but nobody from school knows. My parents haven't been very supportive as far as calling my preferred name and pronouns. I know I need to give them time, I've been very patient with them; it's only been a couple months, right? Well, the first day of school was today. And honestly, I'm already sick of hearing my birth name. I can't correct anyone, because well, they haven't been told the full story, obviously! I feel like a whip has been lashed across my face when someone calls me that. Obviously the solution to this is to come out to my school. But as some of you may know, it's not that simple. My fear isn't that I will be labeled a "freak" or teased or called names, the verbal bullies aren't my fear, because I'm the quiet person and nobody really speaks to me anyway; in fact I prefer to be alone, I think clearer and am more focused on my schoolwork. So what is my terrible fear? Physical violence. That I would be beaten up, sexually assaulted, or worse, maybe even killed. I have never heard of either a gay or transgender person in my school, and I feel that maybe there are, and the reason I don't know about it is a very good reason. I live in a small town. There are no African-Americans, no Asians, nobody but white, straight, Christian people. I've heard several remarks about the town I live in being "close-minded". I just want to be me!!!!!!! I want to dress how I want, be called the name I prefer, if anything, be treated as a normal human being!! So I have a choice to make. Neither choice is easy, nor clearly beneficial. One favors my social status and safety, the other my mental stability and education. I need help you guys!! I am enrolled in a program in my high school. It is for academically advanced students like myself. The program allows you to, if you pass the ACT, (by "pass" I mean have a certain score) finish high school after sophomore year, and continue your Jr. and Sr. years attending college classes (might I add FREE, textbooks AND classes) and have college credits. If you "pass" the program, you can opt to leave school and have finished high school at 16, or stay and accept free college. So, here are my two choices. The first choice is to come out to my school, and relieve myself of hiding. finishing high school, and attending the free college at that school, with my peers. Along with this comes the stress and fear for my safety. But my reasoning is, If I don't get this off my chest, and keep living a lie at school for the year, I feel that I will end up hurting myself, rather than someone else hurting me. My other option is to give it my all through the school year and try to bear it, even though I don't think I can, leave and opt out of the college courses at 16, and, with parental consent, begin therapy and transition. I don't think that I will have a problem convincing my parents to let me do this. After a year, I thoroughly believe I will still feel this way, because I have all my life, and they will see that it is not a phase. Starting college at 18-19 with the effects of testosterone kicking in, I would most likely be starting school again as a new person, and a lot more maturity at hand. I don't know what I should do. What I would do if I came out and someone started beating on me, or if I got out of school and somehow couldn't get parental consent for transition. I feel that my feelings are out of hand. I plan VERY soon to start trying to talk to my mom about therapy. I'm just so confused and alone and downright depressed because of this :icon_sad: I need to find some kind of outlet, whether it be coming out or something. The only thing getting me through the days are the fantasies, imagining that someday I can be Adam, and not whoever or whatever I am now. I want to hear your thoughts about my "solutions" and if you have another alternative in mind PLEASE let me hear it. I need help from my more experienced brothers.:help: Thanks you guys for being patient with me if you've read all the way to the end of this. And thanks for the answers you may have.
It is a good thing that you are thinking through your two solutions, and evaluating the situation on a rational basis. I am not in the same boat with you but what I would advise is this. Finish this school year, and focus on your academics and try to get into that college program. I know people like for the easy solution, a short solution (I know I do) but coming out now might really make things rough for you given the close mindedness of your school and town. I would try to get into the college you want (I assume somewhere far from where you are, at least demographically) and using that as a fresh start once you have made the appropriate transition. High School can be very tough, and I know the next year won't be easy (seems like its gonna be a ride through either choice)so I would try to just grin and bear it until you are out of there.
