My dad's an alcoholic. I constantly feel like I'm losing him to a bottle of beer. He's promised me he'll quit buying the stupid beer. A week later, I open the fridge. Guess what I see. I confronted him again. He said, "I'm sorry I broke my promise, but I can't keep it forever." Apparently, he can't keep it for a fucking day. The next day, there's more. Today, a 24-pack. I can't stand to be around him anymore. Why me? I've been so depressed because of it. Many times, I'm having fun with my friends and I zone out. When I zone out is the most dangerous for me. It gives me time to think. In ways I shouldn't be thinking. A ton of times, I've talked about just throwing it out, but my mom gets mad about me thinking about it, as it's just throwing out money. But buying it is worse. I've broken down at school. I don't want to tell anyone there, so I just get really depressed at random times. What should I do? When I get depressed like this, which is always because of his drinking, I often get thoughts of suicide. The only reason I haven't is because it'd tear my mom apart. I have no reason to think my dad would even care, as he just doesn't care enough to stop. He knows what it's doing to me. What should I do? His drinking has made me clinically depressed. He knows this. He thinks it was because of something else. But that something is why he started drinking again. He was doing so good. He was sober for a year and a half. He starts drinking again, and I go into a sorta bipolar mode I guess, where I'm feeling fine, then I get really depressed. I am constantly thinking of "Walk a Little Straighter" by Billy Currington. That song is my life story. It feels as if he's already dead. I've lost him. How do I get him back and come out of this stupid depression?
When you're living with someone that's an alcoholic, they are destroying the family and the only thing that you can do is talk about it with someone that can help. You need to actually talk to someone in your life like a school counselor. Also, while throwing out the beer may be like, the easy way to get rid of it, your mother is right that it's just throwing away money because your father will just buy more and you'll probably get in trouble. The bottom line is that you need to talk to someone about it because you can't handle it all by yourself.
^ Yes - talk to someone. There are groups for you and your mom, even if your dad doesn't want to get help. Alcoholism, like all addictions, affect the entire family. You're totally justified in feeling the way you do, but there are things that you can do for yourself without waiting for your dad to do something first. Check out this web site: http://www.al-anonfamilygroups.org/english.html In fact, there is a link specifically for Oregon: http://www.oregonal-anon.org/ For decades these groups have been around because they work. Telling someone at school - a counsellor or teacher that you can trust - would be a good thing as well. They need to know that you've got stuff going on at home that is affecting you and your ability to succeed at school. They might have resources that you could use. You'll never know until you try. But check out the links above. Read some of the information on their site. Remember: You can't fix your dad. And you have nothing to do with why he is the way he his. He has his own issues that he needs to eventually work on. But in the mean time, you should be working on you. And those groups - Al Anon and Alateen - are great places to start. Good luck. PM me if you want to discuss further.
>>>I've talked about just throwing it out, but my mom gets mad about me thinking about it, as it's just throwing out money. Wonderful logic. What your father bought poison for everybody in the family? "Gee, it'd be a shame to see that go to waste..." Do go check out the sites that Jim suggested. They're there specifically for people like you, and they've got the know-how to help you out. You can't do anything about your dad until you're back on solid ground. Good luck. Lex
I'll echo what Jim and Lex said. Alateen is for teens 13-19 who have parents with a drinking problem. It works and is a huge help. There's a meeting in Eugene which I think is close to you. Good luck.
