coming out question

Of course there's a difference =) Often that line can be blurry and quite thin, though, so it can be hard to tell...

 

"It's none of their business" is far from bullshit Chip, it's a fact, and I think if someone genuinely feels that their sexuality is no one else's business then more power to them, I am not going to judge them for that train of thought. I personally don't think that way...I won't go out of my way to make it everyone’s business, but I am not going to lie if questioned.

To the original poster, maybe you don't care...but then maybe there is an element of fear, either way what you are feeling is normal because I guess in a way you are protecting yourself, keeping yourself safe.

It is really hard for us to give you an absolute answer which perhaps you may be looking for because we haven't walked a mile in your shoes, but I will say 'trust your gut'

 

Once I told the people that I really care about, I did stop caring about the rest. And the more comfortable I became with it all...the less I cared.

 

i think it's totally ok to not want to tell people because you can't be bothered ( I know that's not exactly what you said) being gay is something we are not ALL we are. I haven't told anyone at school yet because I can't be bothered dealing with it not because I'm scared of losing friends and they don't really NEED to know, but to new people I meet I act as if I've been out my whole life. It doesn't necessarily mean telling them you're gay and making a big deal out of it just be yourself, if you don't care if they find out just casually talk about your celebrity crushes when they do and do it like there's nothing wrong, my friends haven't picked up on it yet because it seems so casual. I don't think that other people's sexual orientation should be a huge deal. It's not like I have to make a big deal about telling people I'm Chinese and not Malaysian.

@chip I think you might've been out for too long and you've forgotten what the closet was like and the whole 'coming out' thing... it sucks

 

I really don't feel the need to advertise my sexuality. If someone sees me checking out a guy or going to Pride then they can infer whatever they wish. If they wanted to ask me I would tell them I'm bi'. However I do feel that what goes on in my bed is nobody's business.

 

I think that once I come out to my parents, I won't care to tell anyone else. I've already told others that matter so if people are wondering and care to ask, I'll tell them. But I'm not going to make it a chore to go tell everyone that I like the same gender. Do what you really want, and you'll find out for yourself if you were afraid of reactions or not.

 

My personal opinion is that if they ask you don't lie to them. That would be holding shame. But if you mean "none of your business" as for justification to not go tell them, as in you are the first person to talk in the conversation, then that's fine. That's actually what my viewpoint is. I think as far as the validity of "none of your business" goes it depends more on the situation.

 

The whole "none of their business" thing, I totally agree with. I'm out to everybody, it's no secret. But when I meet new people for the first time I would never go out of my way to tell them unless it came up in conversation. I feel that it doesn't define me as a person and therefore doesn't need to be broadcasted to everyone outside of my immediate circles.

 

I actually would both challenge and agree with the statement that it's overwhelmingly a cover for shame. Once again, it really depends on the situation. If you're lying to them when they ask you, then I would agree that is exhibiting some shame on your part. I personally know that I have NO shame for my sexuality, yet my view just happens to be that if they haven't asked me, then they aren't interested in knowing one way or another.

To OP, best of luck. To answer your original question, there is a slight difference, but it is essentially the same thing. My understanding is that you are "out" when someone asks you if you are gay and you can say without hesitation "yup. "

 

I think that there is a very small difference between the two, but not much. Like SecretlyASloth said, I think you probably are at the stage in your life where if someone asks, you will tell, but you don't go around advertising your sexuality.

This is kinda where I am at. If someone asks I will answer them honestly, but other than that I don't feel the need to bring it up. Like the OP, it is kinda that "I can't be bothered" feeling because it's my own personal business.

 

Being gay, or les, bi, pan. Doesn't make you as a person. Its just a bit of tinsel on the Christmas tree. If you want to make a big deal of it and tell everyone you meet, I've found that immature and I think it shows insecurity. At the end of the a day sexuality plays a tiny part of who a person is. Doesn't take away from the persons integrity or upbringing. Only if you allow it, it will, that's why homophobia exists

 

I just came out to my mum and sister a week ago and im kinda at the point where i really only care about telling ppl who i actually care about and are big parts of my lives....i find that once telling them i kinda had the thought...meh illt ell my aunty...then i told my best friend...got easier each time. If new people ask ill tell them the truth but whats the point of being out to everyone? I mean staright ppl dont walk around telling everyone - "hey im straight - just thought u should know"

 

Coming out can and will be hard. You will have good days and rocky days. For you and only you - keep a journal! This way you can write the bullshit that happens in your life and how you are dealing with it. BTW I am a middle age man - realized that I was gay and was too scared, frustrated, shamed, to disrespect my father and mother. Therefore, I suppressed or repressed my sexual orientation and sexual feeling to the members of my own gender. I am just now coming out. I did realize when I was in seventh grade - that would be age 12-13 that I was gay, just didn't realize it.

The journal is a cheap therapist. In fact, some therapist require their patients journal their thoughts and feelings.

I hope this may help - at least a little bit.

 

If you're going to rule fear out entirely, then that means not trying to hide it and just being yourself. Maybe they figure it out, maybe not, but you're truly indifferent.

Straight people don't have to do this because it's assumed. Congrats on coming out though!