Hi everyone! I've been lurking on the forum for a couple of days and feel ready to introduce myself, although I must warn you that some of this is written to get it off my chest. I'm 19 years old and have decided that having spent my first year at university, this might be a good time to come out to my family. I am writing my coming out letter (nearly finished) which I will be sending at some point in the Autumn when I'm back at Uni (perhaps on National Coming Out Day?). I'm telling my parents through a letter, not because I am particularly afraid of how they might react, but because I'm pretty hopeless when it comes to expressing myself face to face. Anyway, I guess I first consciously realised that I liked boys when I was about 14, and until now I have had no intention of coming out to anyone. To tell the truth, I'm not sure what's pushing me on to do it now, but I reckon current affairs (legalisation of gay marriage in the UK, persecution of LGBTs in Russia etc.) are definitely playing a part. The only problem is that as I write the letter this whole concept of "coming out" is getting more real, and more scary. I'm starting to doubt whether I really am gay. Am I bisexual instead? Am I doing this too soon? Will I perhaps regret it later on? On the other hand part of me is dismissing this as nerves and mere "bargaining" . Most of my doubts play on the fact that because I'm a bit of a loner by nature and attended an all-boys school from the age of 11 I haven't had much contact with girls. I'm expecting some people (not necessarily my parents) to say something along the lines of "you don't know what you're missing" etc. On the other hand over the years I've had no desire to go out there and meet girls and have generally been confused by my school colleagues who went after them. Another point is that whenever I've watched films or television programmes my favourite characters have always been male and (this might seem a little odd) whenever there is a heterosexual romance (a recent example being in Les Mis) in a film, I can always see where the woman is coming from, but can't understand why the man is interested. Well even if I don't get any replies, merely writing this has helped to allay some of my concerns. One final question regards my coming out letter. I'm very happy with it from "I am gay" to the end, but I'm slightly unsure what to put from "Dear Mum and Dad" to "I am gay". I don't really want to spring it on them so suddenly. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks! :icon_bigg
Hello! First off, Welcome to EC! :welcome: I just want you to know that I felt the same way you did before I started the coming out process. It is very common to question yourself more, right when you at the point you want to come out. Sexuality can be pretty darn confusing, haha! Remember though, you do not have to stick to any particular label. I believe that sexuality can be fluid, and yours may change as time goes on. Don't feel pressured to stick to the labels. I can relate to you when you speak of heterosexual relationships in movies and such. For me, since I'm a gay woman, I always have identified more with women. And the opposite of you, I see where the guys is coming from. (since I'm into girls.) Lastly, I think writing a coming out letter is a great idea! I actually came out to my mom in a letter, and it was very effective for me. I, too, am not good at communicating face to face with people. To answer your question, you could lead into saying "I'm gay" by talking about how this is something you've thought of for a while and you need to get it off your chest. Also talk about how you are still the same person, and you don't like living a lie. That is how I lead into. I wish you the best of luck! I hope this helped you out some.
Thanks a lot for the welcome and advice :smilewave It's nice to know that I'm not alone undertaking this process and that other people feel the same way. While I know a few people who are out at university, I'm probably not close enough to them to discuss this sort of thing, so it's nice to have people to talk to :icon_bigg I like your ideas for starting the letter. I don't want it to seem like this is something decided on the spur of the moment. Also I might include something that tells them not to worry about what I have to say. I don't tend to send my parents letters and I don't want them to immediately assume that something terrible has happened.
You're very welcome! Glad I could help ya. And yeah, it's very reassuring to know they we are not alone in this journey. There are so many people in the world going through the same thing. And that is probably good to include in your letter. You don't need them to be thinking the worst, haha!
Hi, and welcome! I think it would be good to have a slightly abrupt start because, as you said, they might be worrying due to the nature of the letter. You could start with something like 'Dear Mum and Dad, I just wanted to let you know about something that I feel is important to me - I am gay' and then go on to explain that you've thought about it for a long time so they don't think it's a spur of the moment thing. Anyway, good luck for coming out, and for your second year of university - I am just about to start my first year at a London university and am pretty nervous, but really excited! Islander
Sadly, I just broke my wrist so this will be briefer than I'd like/ I did it via letter too, and I opened with the following: Something like that might work? Short, sweet and to the point. Of course, there was much more in the letter, but that's the beginning up to "I'm gay"
