So my family is extremely catholic (I'm an atheist, but that's another story). The majority of them are homophobic to varying degrees, but they all are to some level. I'm going into my sophomore year of high school now, I've known I was bisexual since about 7th grade. I've been trying to think of ways to come out for those 3 years and I've completely drawn a blank. I want to attend Berklee College of Music which is $63,000 a year and I'm afraid that I won't get financial help from my family if they knew I was bi. This seems like a really supportive and helpful forum, right now any advice at all would be amazing. Thanks, Dan
I would encourage you to watch this video: The Gay Debate: The Bible and Homosexuality - YouTube Its long, but there are irrefutable arguments in there for christians, and it may well be the answers you are looking for. If your parents are very nucular, and you suspect they may go to extremes, then it might be best to wait till college to come out. However, if that is not the case, and their intentions are pure, and it is a simple case of ignorance, then I think watching this video, will help. Or maybe even getting them to watch it. Your parents love you, and the thing to remember is that we are stuck in a society that defines everything. It tells us what we should look like, what we should act like, what we should do, and when we should do it. So needless to say, it is VERY easy for someone (especially someone who's social environment and upbringing is a catholic one) to make pre determined projections of how the future will be. I bet when you were born, the last thing you parents thought were that you were going to like men, and even though you do, they are ignorant of the fact and have created a schema of you being straight. When the curtain comes down, yes they may react, however, is this done because they dont love you? No. Given time and understanding, they will come around. I know you are worth it If you need any personal advice, or just want to chat you can message my wall. Much love dearie,
Hi, Im sure they will accept you. Just because they are Catholic doesn't mean they are not open-minded. Good luck on you music career as well as your coming out to your parents, hope it goes well.
I'm actually going through the same thing. My family is Catholic and extremely homophobic and I am a bisexual. If they found out, which they didn't believe me when I said I was questioning, they would throw me out.
I realize that being Catholic doesn't make you closed-minded, however, they are closed minded as well as Catholic. And thanks for the advice, everyone!
I am coming out to my very Catholic family that are all major homophobes. It's taken me a long time to get here, but I decided to take my parents to my counselor's office and come out to them with another person present so they control their behavior. I don't live with them so they'll have time after that before they have to see me. The trick is to first find a counselor that can support you on the subject. If and when you do tell them, do it in a place where you can walk away if they don't react well and start to bring you down. Do you live with them? If so, I would wait just a little longer. Which I know is rough but you can do it I'm impatient but I held off quite a few months.
Yeah, I do live with them, I'm a sophomore in high school :/ I was thinking about waiting a little longer, it's so much extra stress on me to keep it from them though, like at family gatherings having to listen to all the homophobic comments/insensitive jokes, especially when shows like the Fosters or Modern Family come on. Some members of my family are slightly less homophobic than others but they all are (except my aunt, but she lives really far away) to some degree. Thanks for the advice, though!
Pope Francis on gays: 'Who am I to judge?' – CNN Belief Blog - CNN.com Blogs The Pope says he doesn't judge gays. Will your family follow his example?
My family are pretty traditional Catholics, and also the Pope's statement was referring to celibate gay priests, not regular gay citizens.
Worry about college first ... and then come out to them after. Don't let this weigh down your studies. Having some people on TV acting like idiots doesn't help deflect stereotypes. I've noticed that comments are fewer when the person cast as gay or lesbian is a lot more conventional and not affected, though the comments will still be made by some. Wow, so it's 2013 and you're in Boston, which is supposed to be liberal, and there's all this homophobia in the family? I find that interesting. Most of the Catholics I know are sort of indifferent toward orientation, unless it's the right wing. However, I periodically hear stuff that bothers me. I had a friend from college who was Irish Catholic. She told me she saw herself as a disappointment for her father. She finished school, got married, worked some, and had a few kids. She explained that her father was a hard-nosed Irishman for who his boys had to be varsity letterman types and be lawyers or have other uppity jobs. The girls could do without the sports, but needed to be debutante types and then get a big time white collar job. I guess there are still remnants of that mindset within the ranks of Catholics. I'd first work on the less homophobic ones when you broach this. It's sometimes better to start with the parents, though not always. Who's cooler - your mom or your dad?
Catholic families are the worst. I have the added joy of being part of a big Catholic family in rural Ireland where ignorance and bigotry seems to be second nature. If you really feel that coming out now will mean that you may not get this opportunity at an amazing education which will pave the way to a great future, then perhaps not coming out to them would be a better idea for the time being. I know that's not ideal, but it might be your best option right now.
I'm sorry, when i first saw this on the "Welcome" page, ....I thought it said "coming out to a cat" haha but regardless, I wish you all the luck and Keep your head up
Pretty sure a cat wouldn't care all that much but thank you ---------- Post added 9th Aug 2013 at 10:04 AM ---------- My mom is cooler with it, but the way my parents are my dad would know within half a second of me telling my mom. ---------- Post added 9th Aug 2013 at 10:04 AM ---------- That's what I was thinking, but as I said earlier it affects my schoolwork at times and is really stressful for me to be hiding it.
There's no denying that it affects your ability to perform academically, that's why I ultimately decided to come out. It totally consumes you and drains all of your energy and eventually you just have to let it go and get it off your chest. Have you thought about being out in college and within your group of friends, but not at home? That may help a little, you would be surprised by how even just sharing it with one or two people can feel like a huge weight has been lifted.
I'm out to all of my friends, pretty much everyone but my family. It's just the fact that I'm with my family a lot that makes it hard to deal with.
I guess it boils down to how conservative you perceive them to be. I mean, I thought my mother was, but it turned out she really didn't care once I was happy. Sometimes we build up all of this fear before we come out and prepare ourselves for, and genuinely expect, the worst case scenario. I know that in some cases the worst case scenario is exactly what happens, but in the vast majority of situations, parents turn out to be much more accepting and supporting than we might have imagined. You really have to determine their feelings on homosexuality/bisexuality to know what the best course of action might be. Try to find ways to get them to talk about it without making them suspicious. I know one guy who invented this friend who had just come out to him, and asked his parents what they would do if they were in his situation and they told him it wasn't a big deal and to accept him. He then knew how they felt about it and came out to them a couple of months later. There are so many variables that only you can really know what's best for you and you should just go with your gut feeling on it.
Yeah, I mean, I doubt my parents would do anything beyond not helping with college, but my best friend who's also bisexual asked her dad how he felt about bisexuals, and he said (this is the exact wording) "They're disgusting and **** anything that moves" and I'm afraid of not being able to see my friend anymore if he knows.
