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How do I feel?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by fjs, Aug 9, 2013.

  1. fjs

    fjs
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    I am 30 year old Man, if you would have asked me a year ago if I was straight I would have said yes without thinking about it. I have always felt like I have found females attractive, even turning my head in street when they have walked past. But I have never had a proper girlfriend. I was talking to some friends about this and one said that if you don't have a girlfriend, people will ask if you have ever had a boyfriend. This left me thinking. Although I have always found girls physical appearance attractive, more so than guys, I have always ended up being there friends and nothing more.

    I have often wondered what it would be like having sex with a guy, and I rarely think about straight girls in this way; but still find them attractive. Is this normal? Now I know longer know if I'm gay or straight or somewhere in between. X :confused:

    ---------- Post added 9th Aug 2013 at 02:12 PM ----------

    I have to say that I have often had feelings, but they grown over the last six months. X
     
  2. greatwhale

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    Hey! Welcome to EC fjs!

    At 30 I would also have considered myself straight, no question, but it was around 30 - 32 that those other feelings started to surface...I didn't know how to handle them (so to speak). There was no internet, or EC of course, at the time.

    Good for you for finding us, let's figure this out together!
     
  3. unknown17050

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    I know how you feel, I was once questioning but finally came to terms that maybe I was simply curious. I too would not even think about my sexual orientation because I was SURE I was straight, and I was SURE that I was not. I even had crushes on women and was interested in them sexually, but then sometime in May; earlier this year; I found myself questioning myself for the first time EVER! I read an article about homosexuality and It talked about how this one gay man was made fun of in High School for being gay and was an outcast; did not fit in with the rest of "SOCIETY" and was overall considered unpleasant, and he found out later in life that he was gay.

    It was such an interesting read, I found myself wondering; "Could I be gay and just be in severe denial?" Which sent my mind CRUMBLING apart into an abyss of questioning, research and tests just to see if I was gay. I of course found nothing and could not even "get it up" to men so to speak and I attributed it to denial, but in the mean time I also found myself not getting it up to women as well, which made me really worried, so here is what I am saying to help YOU YOURSELF figure it out;

    1. Calm down, fear and shock can overlap your feelings in this predicament ad much more confusion.

    2. Keep a Journal, once you calm yourself and find your mind at ease; you will want to record your feelings and make sure to know how to Identify what it is you feel.

    3. Know the difference, many people on this site will tell you that romance ad sex are the same (not like you have sex you have to be in love with them so to speak, but that you cannot have sex without love), that of which may be the case for some, but not all; and your romantic orientation can differ from your sexual orientation.

    4. Fantasies and Porn a taboo at best, be weary of these; porn and fantasies CAN in some cases prove your sexual identity, and your genital responses could mean SOMETHING, but know that fantasies and porn exaggerate sex in the best way possible.

    5. MOST IMPORTANTLY; it may not be best to keep a label after all, in fact; if you insist on having one, I suggest keeping an open mind about your feelings; PROVEN FACT: 70% of women who identify as straight have admitted to having Same Sex Crushes in a nationwide poll, no such poll exists for men; but there is another poster on this site who confirms that men are capable of doing it too and might just be an inability to own up to it, basically; if you're going to do it, do not let it set you in stone, no one is 100% gay/straight/bi/lesbian; everybody has their quirks and dinks that prove this fact.

    6. LASTLY; don't go by stereo-types, some on this site may disagree with this, but just because you are not effeminate does not mean you cannot be gay; not all MANLY MEN are straight and not all GIRLY BOYS are gay. Same goes for lesbians, not all Feminine Girls are straight, and not all Butch women are lesbian, and of course you could go both ways.

    7. It does not make you; YOU, don't let this label defy who you are and what you stand for.

    I hope this helps.
     
  4. fjs

    fjs
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    Thank you for those replies. I am under no illusions I know that this will take time to figure out. I have always felt that one day I will meet a girl, have children and that would be it. I have always found girls to be better looking as well, and talked about girls. However I have always wondered about guys, and been truned on by the throught of two men having sex. I have also been afaird of gay people,and kissing a guy even on the check, which I know is my problem. Did anyone else have these feelings? Thank you for reading this. X
     
  5. HEREIAM2

    HEREIAM2 Guest

    The fact that you are not sexually attracted to women does not make you gay in itself. You really do need to establish if you are attracted to men. You might well be somewhat asexual or "demisexual". These groups might be very large and many are now realising they are the big unknown.

    ---------- Post added 10th Aug 2013 at 02:02 AM ----------

    ....you are turned on by the thought of guys having sex with each other....are you turned on by the thought of two girls together?......there might be a clue in that?
     
  6. fjs

    fjs
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    The Asexual thing is interesting, and often thought about whether I could form relationships with women, and not make a big thing about sex. But I suppose a question which I would have is would be trueful to myself and someone I was with? Would it also be fair on them?

    ---------- Post added 10th Aug 2013 at 02:10 AM ----------

    I found two girls a turn on as well. What is the glue in that?

    ---------- Post added 10th Aug 2013 at 02:10 AM ----------

    I found two girls a turn on as well. What is the glue in that?
     
  7. fjs

    fjs
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    I have often looked at these sort of pages before, but I have never added, I suppose out of fear of what the answers might be. I suppose also I have been trying to hide from them, I suppose it's a feeling that there in no going back once the The Genie is out of bottle. X
     
  8. unknown17050

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    Some people draw to conclusions about their orientation too quickly and make a premature assumption, in fact; some people who have come to terms with it have admitted that they have felt that since they came out there is no coming back if they feel they made a mistake. It's okay and it is not an issue; it happens and is completely normal. I for one almost thought of myself as a hetero-romantic asexual, but in time I realized that was not necessarily an accurate portrayal of my true orientation.