Ill be at a party with all my closest friends tonight, at which I was planning to come out to at least a few if not most. But now I'm so nervous I want to just call off the whole thing. :bang: Its not so much their opinion of being gay that I'm worried about as it is the fact that I've been pretending to be someone else my whole life up until now. I'm not the person they thought I was. Well in some ways I am, but so much of the way I lived, acted, etc was just to fit in... It just seems like it would be much easier to dissappear from their lives and start a new life where I'm gay from the start.
I know you are very nervous, but I think you should go to the party and see how it goes. Don't back out just yet. You will probably feel so much better after getting it off your chest. From what you wrote, it seems they will probably be accepting. Your friendship with them might even grow closer. You never know until you try, right? And if you were to just start a new, you'd be losing all these people you've already become friends with. I think you cutting them out would be more upsetting to them then finding out you are gay. Again, though, if you are not completely ready you can wait, too. There is no rush or time limit for these things. Good luck!!
If its important to you to come out then your inhibitions about your friends should eventually take a backseat. Maybe not now, but eventually. If you haven't already been to this party, I think you should go. Like the first response says, there's no hurry to come out today. But you may get there and decide that you want to do it. At least going would be a step in the right direction. Whenever you do get ready to come out just remember that those who truly love you and care about you will not leave your side. There is a whole world out there and I can guarantee you that there are plenty of people that will accept you with open arms. Be true to yourself buddy.
This is exactly the point though! Fitting in, verses belonging. One is altering who you are so that others will like you, and one is feeling as if you can be yourself and it doesn't matter what others think of you. Remember this. If they are really your friends they will love you MORE for coming out. And you will have been more honest to them, and to yourself, than you have ever been. That is an opportunity to grow, live, learn, and connect more deeply. If tonight is not the night, dont stress about that either. Come out when you are ready, just remind yourself that you are worthy of love and belonging. Much love,
You shouldn't start over due to something that they will probably acclimate to. I think it's well understood now the pressures we face to fit in, and if they're any kind of friends they will support you.
You should just be honest with them. If they're true friends, they will understand and accept you. I doubt they would be mad at your 'lie' and will probably understand why you kept this a secret. Good luck!
Oops I didn't quite explain properly... It's MY party. The first party I have ever had in my life.. So I guess I'm already shitting myself for numerous reasons... It's 6PM here arrrghhhhhh:icon_redf I know I should but....
Pretty much just did the basic socials then made myself scarce... kinda just wanted to cry in my room but had to keep up appearance of enjoyment ehhh.....
Don't kick yourself dude. You'll have plenty of opportunities to come out : ) I just hate that you couldn't have fun at your own party : /
I did for a while, at first it was just me and the neighbours and a couple other people.. the neighbours are lesbians who I am out to.. That was fine.. But then as soon as my male friends started turning up I slipped back into 'straight acting' subconsciously.. then I realised and tried to just be myself but I was anxious so I kinda hid in my room. There was only really an hour or 2 of being alone, I had 1 or 2 friends I was talking to (not about being gay, but not lying/changing the way I acted).. but I didnt have the nerve to do it out in the entire party, despite having plenty to drink... Anyhow the neighbours are being very sweet to me lately, that really helps.. theyre gonna take me down to a gay club sometime.. I will get used to being me in front of everyone eventually I guess I'm fine in front of strangers now, in fact I feel much more confident being my true self. It's just the people who I've hidden from for so long
I've struggled with being myself for a long time. I kind of associated being myself with my different sexuality a long time ago and so I've hid them both. In reality, I can be myself and still hide my sexuality. Since I'm bisexual that'll be fine unless I ever find a boyfriend. Anyway, I've started to gain a lot of self confidence lately and begun to realize that my personality doesn't make me bisexual, I just am. So I can be myself and if someone doesn't like it then I'll just forget about them. For you, since you are gay it's a little different since you would only be dating guys and you might not want to hide your dates. But still, just because you act a certain way doesn't make you gay or straight. It's just who you are. I hope that you can get to where you can be yourself around everyone. I can tell you that since I've started being myself I've felt so much happier : ) And I'm not saying to hide that you are gay. I'm just saying that your personality is not the way it is because you are gay, your personality is you and its such a shame to hide yourself. I know that the person I acted like for so long trying to hide my sexuality was an ass. Good luck to you brother!
