Erm, Sexual stuff.. Confidence..

To be honest I think that this lack of confidence is something that alot of gay or bi people experience.. perhaps a little more than their counterparts. I think it stems from the original belief that it's wrong to think the way that you do and that because of this you're some how worth less than others... what complete bollocks.

I too know how frustrating it can be, wanting to have a relationship and yet having zero confidence to pull it off. Like you i'm very unhappy about the way I look, and although recieving offers and comments believe that they're all lies (regardless of the truth). But as far as meeting somebody goes and the lack of confidence which goes along with it, I do believe in true love (i know a romantic) and I believe that one day you will meet someone mate and you'll fall deeply in love with them. And when you do it won't matter any more, your lack of confidence will dissappear purely because you want this person more than anything and would give anything to get them.

I wouldn't ditch your online friends either, just be friends and only progress when you feel you're ready. Don't feel rushed, or feel that you need to have a relationship now since you've not had one for years.

P.S. don't worry about the way you look, you have nothing to worry about

 

the thing about liken other men is...

THEY HAVE WHAT YOU HAVE... and you can compare between them....which sux but me personaly iv never had that problem heh heh... mainly cuz everyone iv been with other then my ex (and only) bf... well they were all str8... (other then me) so if they said n e thing about me i could easaly say how they knew about me... but yea...

the thing is... i had to learn... it took a LONG time for me to get where i was decent at what i do... i had a friend with benifits and we basicly taught eachother the main thing is TALK... just cuz someone gets off doesnt mean its good... guys are easy acualy to get off... especialy if your a guy cuz you pretty much know what you like



as for just asking out another guy... well... 1 make sure they arnt str8... (yea... falling for str8 guys sucks...) 2. see if they are interested in you... its great to have a mutualy female friend... guys will open up to their female friends and most girls know how to find out things without being obvios... 3. you know youd think id be able to think of one sence i am on a roll... 4. you think i woulda stoped when i blanked at 3 but here i am...


about your online things... well you can find out things from them... i try to teach everyone i talk to everything i know... what i know im willing to share... (iv taught 2 girls how to give their bfs grand hand jobs... but thats a different story) yea i duno what else to say


kinda blanked on most of that and been watchn scrubs... but yea


im me on somethin gor another ( i got liek everything...) and ill talk to you more help you more if you need and i promis i wont constantly stop and watch scrubs (its not on all the time lol)

 

I gotta say from experience the lack of confidence influences sooo much in your own life you dont really think about. I have it myself despite the compliments I get all the time. I think also alot of it stems from the media. Personally I got a problem with the way sex sells on tv and in the movies. Notice all the skinny girls that arent wearing too much for clothing in make up comercials?
Truthfully I believe the self confidence comes at its own time. MY aunt always says fake it until you make it. Cuz you can trick your brain into believing somthing if you fake it. But your not alone. Everyone has gone through this or is i'd imagine.
Having some close friends esp some experienced gay friends that know the area, the ins and outs of what to do and stuff helps. I got few gay friends that can explain stuff to me as I ask..one even took me to my first gay bar for my first date before thanksgiving.
Jus stay true to yourself and you'll find love. Be patient too because it doesnt always happen with the first relationship.
And on another note..your not truly gay until you've had a crush on a straight guy once lol.. so if that happened to you. Its part of the process.
do you know these friends from online in real life? or they jus online friends at this time? I would always be carful bout meeting people from online. Never know if some one truly is who they claim to be. And esp for sex. Because of the risk of STDs. some times using a condom isnt a enough. Friend of mine got aids because his bf lied bout having them. And his bf used a condom even. My motto is always get tested together if your serious bout a sexual relationship.
I hope this helps any.

-Nick

 

Well i don't really know what to tell you except this...

It is not bad to meet people online as long as you do it properly.

Now don't let my age fool you i'm not some neive kid who's looking for a pedophile to grip onto. I'm smart for my age and i'm not saying that to toot my own horn. I'm saying it so my post has some kind of merit in your mind.

What i mean by "properly" is safely.

I got the following information from a recognized psycologist's website online:

Number one, I think if you're going to date somebody, you have to verify information on a potential match. So ask questions. Try to meet some of his friends, see if they're just sex crazed morons or respectable, you shouldn't have to dig too deep. Number two, create a separate e-mail account, so you don't have to let him know your real e-mail address. Get a post office box. List your cell phone number, not your home number. Never give more than your first name. Have a privacy checker on your computer.

Your first date should be a quick 30 minute date, bring a friend, just to check to see if he's legit and to get a feel of him.

---

Thats about all i can give you. But remember, internet dating isn't a bad idea if you've tried the local scence and are fed up (not after the first week or two now, give me a break, try harder if so) then go to a dating site. I believe DrPhil (even though i kinda disagree with him sometimes he's right on internet dating) endorses a certain pay-site i don't know the name of. A respected well-known site is best as the moderators are propably more strict etc.

Just date safley online and do some research on how to do that. Dating onlinbe requires work, but it's worth it to keep out the freaks.

 

########.com is the one doctor Phil endorses.

 

Thanks GuitarGirl

 

iv done the internet thing... disapointing...

pretty much just met a slut...


but i did meet my bf online... but

i had a connection to him... a close friend of mine was his friend... and thats all id pretty much suggest... dont go for anyone unless someone you know has seen him and knows that he is... well... 1. real... 2. looks like what he did in th epic and maby 3. get background on who the hell he is (easy to lie online)

 

Np.
I think it's fine to meet people online, and certainly in our crowd it's alot harder to meet boyfriends/girlfriends, and I imagine harder if you aren't in school. In a school setting you have more opportunity to know who's who. I know at some point I'll probably use ######## or something.

 

The Internet may disappoint you, but you can find very nice people there as well. For example I found one of my dearest friends and my current boyfriend.

 

Gaz89
Hey there what I can tell you is that I am in a very similar situation.. I too am scared.. I liked what I read in this thread about don't rush yourself into anything.. If you aren't ready, taking you time is not the end of the world.. One day you will want it more than your anxiety can stop.. Good Luck too you.. And know that you aren't alone.. I too am overcome by nerves..

Too all of you who posted to this thread.. THANK YOU!!!
That's my 2 cents...

 

man, I feel exactly the same way. I just recently lost a lot of weight and got in shape, so i havent had much confidence anywaym then this whole sexuality identity crisis is happening, so i get so tense and knotted up in my gut when anyone hits on me, which is happening more and more...i dont have any advice because i am in the same boat, but just wanted let you know youre not alone, and it sounds like the people on this website are more then willing to listen. Glad i joined.

 

Two issues sort of wrapped into one, I think.

First off, hook-ups vs relationship sex. Or, if you will, fucking vs making love. Technically, you're an adult now, so if you want to hook up with someone for sex, that's your call. There's some standard safety stuff to do, but if you take care of that, it can be fun, excited, and even educational. But if you don't feel like doing it - as you appear you don't - then don't. It's not required.

Secondly, your self-esteem. You know those hot guys you see in the gym, or in porn? They're freaks. Genetic accidents that makes them perfectly toned and bulgy in all the right places. And many of them spend hours trying to perfect that look. Getting the hair to look just so, getting the tans perfect, doing a lot of "manscaping". Nothing wrong with that, mind you, but remember that it's done.

The rest of us mortals? Not so much. Undress us and flop us on your bed, and you know what you'll see? Humans. With pale or blotchy or oily skin. With not enough hair here and too much hair there. With pimples or freckles or birthmarks where you least expect them. And with dicks that are small, big, skinny, squat, and point every which way. In short, it ain't just you. None of us are perfect. And in bed, we expect that.

I say this not to suggest you immediately find a non-perfect somebody to jump into bed with. But as you get to know people, and you maybe start to wonder, know that they're not gonna kick you out of bed for not being perfect. They'll know better.

>>>I just cant see myself ever actually doing anything with anyone, unless i know them 100% and trust them 100% and they like me for who i am.. and i cant ever see me meeting someone like that.

You're right. You won't ever meet someone like that. But you almost certainly will BUILD someone like that.

Think of friends you have, or have had in the past. Now think about when you met. You weren't friends THEN. You didn't immediately become pinky-promise BFFs. (Um, do people still say "pinky-promise"? Or "BFF"?) You met. You got to know each other. You got closer. And you developed a friendship. And that's how it works with relationships, too. You meet someone. You click. You get to know each other. You start opening up. And eventually, you WILL trust them 100%. And at that point, you might feel ready to ditch the pants and head to the bedroom.

Lex