Gay and Absolutely Terrified

First of all, welcome to EC Tyj, you have come to the right place!

It's a common fear to feel as if you will lose the love of parents if you share this with them, generally, it isn't the case. As a father, I can tell you that it would take a lot for me to lose my love for my kids, it is unconditional, and it is probably the same for your parents.

Share your feelings here, try to be as specific as you can, you already have shown that you express yourself very well for a 14 year-old, so try to find the right words for how you feel and share them with us. It's the best way to work on this.

There are a ton of resources and resourceful people here, lean on us!

 

I am guessing from your writing that you are American, is it illegal in your state for a Teacher to be Gay, I know this seems to be a problem with Scout Leaders in the US?

As Greatwhale has stated, this is the right place for you to come to terms with being Gay, everyone on here is so supportive & has gone or are going through the same as you, whatever their Gender or Sexuality, telling our Parents is our greatest fear, but a parents love for their child is unconditional & they only want what is best for their children. (*hug*)

 

Hi and welcome.

You don't need to rush into coming out to your parents. Build a support group in the real life or online (it can also be the girl alone). And keep coming here if you find this forum helpful

 

Hello and welcome to EC!

I understand your fear of rejection from the important people in your life. That is perhaps the most challenging part about coming out. Some parents are far more accepting than others, but in general I think we tend to fear a far worse reaction than what actually occurs. It certainly may come as a shock to your family, and maybe they won't react the best initially. From personal experience I can tell you that my dad had a bad reaction, but later he apologized to me for not handling it properly. Just as it has taken time for you to process this discovery about yourself, so too it may take a while for your family when you tell them. Patience is really the key here.

As Nick mentioned a support group can be very helpful. I would definitely recommend reading the resources on these forums to get a feel for how other members have handled similar situations. We're here to help in any way we can.

 

You came to the right place, buddy. I know how you feel. I started having feelings for guys when I was 14...after spending all of puberty before that point at least thinking I was completely straight.

Not being able to get a job because you're gay? I don't know where you live, but in the USA, most companies even in states that don't legally protect gay people from discrimination have policies against discriminating on the basis of sexual orientation, as well as a paragraph full of other things.

Chin up, stay strong, and it may be a while, but I think your parents will accept you eventually. I'm not out to mine yet, though I'm more and more sure every day that my dad wouldn't be too upset about it.

 

You're pretty panicked about it all. I think it's okay to work on accepting yourself, but don't jump to conclusions at this point. You're 14. And the day you realize you're gay doesn't have to be the day you tell anyone.. I would recommend sticking around here for a while and just learn about some of the positive things going on. It's illegal to lose a job for your sexuality, and if you feel like it'll even be an issue, just don't tell anyone lol. I mean.. it's not essential that they know you're straight, you don't put that on the resume, so it's irrelevant. Like I said, stick around, get to know some of us and where we come from, and you'll find that you relate well with a lot of people. Feel free to inbox me also.

 

Welcome to EC.

If you are positive that your parents will kick you out of the house, wait until you can support yourself. Then you can tell you parents. Otherwise you'll most likely be living on the streets.

Now about being Gay. There is nothing wrong with being Gay. If you want to live happy, and living happy means being Gay, then so be it.

If you need someone to talk to, I'll always be here for you.

 

Hey there. It's ok to be scared, but you don't need to dread something that far down the line. It's going to be 8 solid years before you can teach. Canada is relatively accepting and will only become more so in that time. I encourage you to pursue all of your interests. Don't be held captive by fear that in some interview they're going to instantly know your sexuality and hold it against you. That's not going to happen and there are many places to teach.

With your issue trying to accept it, hey probably almost all of us have gone thru the conflict and shame. It's something you'll grow out of, and you don't need to worry about telling your parents until you reach that point. But, trust us when we say you're going to be fine.

 

Hey there welcome to the site,
I have always had fear of rejection from people important to me. It is a rough road I am still on the road to trying to come out fully. I have found myself slowly doing it I know it so difficult I was in denial for years of who I was only just started accepting it. I cannot imagine myself coming out to my parents now or ever as they have old fashioned beliefs.

All I can say is stay strong and try to think you are who you are you are not any different from anyone else. I feel you have come to the right place for advice this site has helped a lot with accepting who I am and other things. It just the thought of coming out to family that scares the hell out of me. Just remember here your not alone on your feelings.

 

Hey, I'm kinda in the same position. Sucks don't it? Just know that we're all here for you, and that things usually aren't as bad as they seem.

 

My problem with accepting myself was that I had no idea when to accept I was gay.
It's just not as simple as looking at porn, at least for me it wasn't.
One day I just had to lay in bed and say it to myself, and it's really really scary to say it to yourself for the first time, but eventually, no matter how it seems, it gets easier to say it to yourself and to accept yourself.

 

At your age, you don't have to rush telling your parents, and while I know there are a few who would freak out about it, like greatwhale, I can't think of anything that would turn me against my children. You sounds like a pretty amazing kid, and your parents are very lucky! That also may be what's making you so afraid--maybe you're feeling like you are absolutely everything thhat they could ever ask for in a son, and this might ne the one thing that blows it up? Remember, although being gay is often very much in our minds because it makes us feel that we're different in such a major way, it's really just one of many things that makes us who we are, like enjoying kayaking and swimming and debate and such. It isn't the single defining factor that turns off all the others.

Give yourself some time to process this--a few years, if necessary--and remember that when you finally do come out to them, nothing about you has actually changed. They will just know you a little better. I'm afraid that sometimes I can go a little Anne Frank on things and assume that eceryone is basically good at heart and it will be all right, but I think more often than not, our worries are far worse than what really happens. Keep us posted.

 

I agree your only young just take your time and do it when you are ready. I don't recommend coming out if your not ready to do so do it when you feel comfortable with it.

 

If you're getting that emotional at the thought of being gay, you're probably not ready to come out. Breaking down if/when you tell him is not going to help. You need to slow down. Yes, it's unfair what we have to deal with and the choices we have to make. I don't know if you addressed, but could you try telling someone else first? Generally the more people you tell, the easier it gets.

 

Dude. It's going to be okay.

You don't have to tell your dad now. Let's look at what might happen if you wait. If you wait to tell him, and he takes it badly, chances are very good that he's not going to be additionally pissed/disappointed/displeased that you didn't come out sooner. If you wait to tell him, and he takes it well, then he's probably got the good sense (or can get it) not to be hugely bummed that you took a while to untangle your thoughts first before talking to him. So no matter how your coming-out eventually goes, holding off for now will not make it worse.

Further, consider your fear. If your dad takes this news ill, then having feared that falling-out all this time will not, so far as I know, make it easier to bear. It's not like you can get a head-start on the pain by anticipating it. And if your dad takes it well, then this fear will still have done no good--all that to-do about a terrible event that never came to pass.

That's all very rational. But hey, some things don't answer to reason. So, as regards being terrified and crying: you're allowed to do that (not because I say so, just because you are). Vulnerability, as hard and as often discouraged as it is, is okay, even sometimes very good and essential. Find a safe space for that fear to exist, both in your physical environment and your heart. Give yourself time, breathe, remember that fear will pass and that you can handle it while it's here. Fear speaks in our voice, but it's not always we who give it the words that it carries--sometimes it's society, sometimes it's someone we know, sometimes we have no fracking idea whose message fear bears. You ever have a very determined person talk bullshit at you for a prolonged period of time? You don't have to believe what they say, no matter how fired-up they get, and you know that as you listen to them go on. But if you tell them to sod off, they'll only grow more insistent. Emotions can be that way. When things get hard to bear, there's a place between struggle and surrender--look for it, it might help.

 

^That's a good point too. You want to maximize your chance of it going well, or at least not being devastating, the first few times you tell someone. Otherwise, you could get very discouraged and depressed, especially with the fears you have now. So, once you calm down, tell a friend or even random stranger, who has less control over your life or might react well.