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Feeling upset and deflated.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by confeshhhions, Aug 11, 2013.

  1. confeshhhions

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    Just had a conversation with my mum, and on tv there was a guy who is a bisexual. I asked her what she thought of bisexuality and told her of my sisters thoughts (they're greedy and need to make up their minds etc) and I've been left...for lack of a better word, devastated, by her reply.

    She sort of stuttered as she was thinking, and then said that she thinks bisexuals just crave love and attention regardless of the gender... Then went on to say that she thinks that bisexuals must be somewhat "fucked-up" to go with both genders.

    Now, I was planning on coming out to her, as bi, in the next few days and now.. I doubt I ever want to. I thought my mum was more open-minded as she axcepts gays etc so easily.

    So, if anybody has any advice, it would be much appreciated...

    Is there even a point in telling my family? Fed up of feeling like this, and now this comment has just made it worse :frowning2:
     
  2. greatwhale

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    I think you should do it anyway.

    Here's why: she voiced an opinion recently, it's now on her mind and, when you start to come out to her, you can refer to it and she'll remember it clearly. Tell her, not in a shaming way, but as a way to tell her how it made you feel and how much more difficult it made it for you to come clean to her.

    OK, she may not be shamed by this, but she may feel a little guilty...which could be to your advantage (Machiavelli has nothing on us!).

    Worth considering, and better than festering in the closet with this added anxiety...
     
  3. confeshhhions

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    But what if I do tell her and she starts treating me differently 'cause she views me as 'fucked up'? Too stressful for me at the minute :frowning2:
     
  4. KnownSecret

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    This is good advice, I would most definitely try and tell her about how you felt when she talked about what she felt about bisexual people. But as whale said to do it in a non shaming way.

    Maybe her seeing you as a bisexual would change her views on the subject? I bet you don't seem "Fucked up" to your mom, and if she loves you her views of you shouldn't change. I know its hard to tell someone when it seems like they think so negatively about it, but sometimes its the best thing. If you don't feel like you could do it now, do it some other time. Talk to your mom and try and gain the courage you need to come out to her, if it takes a month for you to muster up the courage it takes a month! Do what you feel is best, you know your mom better then we do. If you feel that your mom will get awkward and or really disapproving about it then maybe wait until you are independent to tell her just in case. I hope everything turns out good and if you ever need anyone to just talk to or need some advice I am happy to try and help, if I can that is. Again good luck and I hope you the best!

    ~Zack~
     
    #4 KnownSecret, Aug 11, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2013
  5. confeshhhions

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    At the moment, I'm going to wait a while. I don't know if it's the way I'm feeling today, but it's really upset me.. I don't know. Thanks Zack! I appreciate that.
     
  6. KnownSecret

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    That's 100% understandable, I had a really hard time coming out to my mom. I feel the reason why I had such a hard time was that I didn't want to change the way she looked/talked to me. But after overcoming that hurdle I now know that my mom really doesn't see me or talk to me any different, we still sit and talk to each other for hours on end, and she tells me everything. If anything me coming out to her has strengthened out relationship. Looking back at it, I wish I would have came out to her sooner so that she would have known who I was sooner. I understand that everyone's family is different but I always try and hope that someone can be as fortunate as me, to have a mother that really doesn't see anything wrong with who you are! In my life the only person I care to really accept me is my mother, she has always been there for me so I understand how scary it can be to think that you could loose someone in your life just because they don't accept who you are. I hope that your mother is just the same as my mom, and that you can eventually look back and say to yourself "Wow, why did I take so long!"

    ~Zack~
     
  7. confeshhhions

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    I think it's just knocked my confidence that she feels that way. She usually is so open-minded, yet she thinks that? I don't get it.. I think she noticed that it upset me, whether or not she knows the true reason why. Hopefully when I do come out, it'll be like your experience with your mother. That must've been awesome
     
  8. KnownSecret

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    I hope as well! Just remember, sometimes people think weird things about stuff they don't completely understand. Your moms views may of came from a higher place, maybe her parents? Sometimes peoples views can corrupt other peoples views. Life is a learning experience and you never stop learning until you die (as my grandma says you learn something new everyday), and your views in your life change with what you have learned. I hope your mom is accepting, or that maybe her views will change with the new things she will learn!

    ~Zack~
     
  9. confeshhhions

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    They can't accept it 'cause they don't understand it yet? I don't know, like I said she's always been open-minded. I thought it was only my sister who felt negatively about bisexuals. *sighs*